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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I not have posted this?

148 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 15/01/2017 21:06

Had a great weekend... had really good news after a long time waiting for it, saw lots of friends we haven't seen in a while, my DD with Sen who we thought would never potty train actually went by herself!! And had a big family roast at my mums to celebrate the news.

I am not one to usually post a picture of my dinner... I think I put on a Christmas dinner picture and a stew burnt pot disaster in the past but it's rare, but I posted it saying what a great weekend, and nothing like a roast cooked by your mum... or words to that effect.

Then a friend of mine whos mum died several years ago sent an inbox saying 'I wouldn't know.'

Now I feel terrible... WIBU?

OP posts:

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 15/01/2017 21:15

She was being unreasonable, not you.

That said, she might have had a birthday, anniversary or otherwise difficult day. I'd probably just ask if she is ok and move on from it if she's a good friend.

BillSykesDog · 15/01/2017 21:15

That was a really nasty thing for your friend to do. Maybe she meant to send the message to someone else and it's crossed wires. Clutching at straws.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 15/01/2017 21:15

She is grieving and needs to vent. Don't take it personally and don't change what you do or overthink what you post. Maybe just be an ear for her. Talk to her about her mum. One of the many shitty things about grief is the limited number of people who want to listen to you talk about your loss. If you want to make her feel better be an ear.

gleam · 15/01/2017 21:16

Could you put her on a restricted view so she doesn't see this kind of thing in future?

FurryDogMother · 15/01/2017 21:19

Perhaps your post was a bit of a trigger for your friend, and set her off thinking about missing her Mum. Don't feel bad about it, just try to offer her some support - sounds like she was reaching out for it, but probably got the tone wrong.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 15/01/2017 21:21

She's being selfish. I'd detatch from that friendship. Did the Queen abolish Mothering Sunday to spare William and Harry's feelings?? Absolute bollocks.

I'm glad you had a lovely weekend, and yay for the successful toilet trip! :)

Highalert · 15/01/2017 21:21

I don't think she was being nasty.

I would have asked if she was ok.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 15/01/2017 21:23

She can't get offended whenever someone posts a harmless comment about their mother.

If it's out of character for her, perhaps put it down to her having a really bad day. It seems an odd comment, overly dramatic and a bit self involved. I wouldn't take down the post.

Highalert · 15/01/2017 21:25

I don't think ywbu to post the picture though.

If she's a good friend id be concerned about her.

Kahlua4me · 15/01/2017 21:25

Yanbu at all, she is.

I lost my mum last year and it is still really painful, but it certainly doesn't make me say unkind things to my friends because they still have their mums.

Being nasty to others won't make my mum return.....

PurpleDaisies · 15/01/2017 21:26

I can understand why your friend was upset but I don't think you did anything at all wrong. I absolutely hate scan pictures. The "hide post" function is a wonderful thing. I'd just reply saying something like "sorry you must be missing your mum. Are you doing ok?"

Kahlua4me · 15/01/2017 21:27

She must be hurting a lot though if she isn't usually like that.
Perhaps you could ring her to say you care.

diddl · 15/01/2017 21:27

So her mum never ever cooked her a roast??

AnnieAnoniMouse · 15/01/2017 21:28

There is nothing wrong with you appreciating your Mum & posting about having a lovely weekend. I positively encourage my friends to appreciate their Dads, having lost mine. Yes, sometimes it hurts, but nothing will bring my Dad back & I'm happy to see them making good memories with theirs.

You cannot possibly tip toe around everybody's losses or whatever on Facebook, people simply have too many friends to do that.

I'm really pleased that you've had some nice things happen, please just enjoy them 💐

BillSykesDog · 15/01/2017 21:29

Diddl that occurred to me which is part of the reason I'm wondering if it was misdirected.

BriefExclamations · 15/01/2017 21:30

You did nothing wrong.

I wouldn't respond though.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/01/2017 21:31

Jeezo. You didn't do anything wrong. If we were all to make sure we didn't post anything that might indirectly offend people then facebook wouldn't exist. It's sad for your friend but that was a totally inappropriate message to send you. To guilt you because you were having a nice day is not right.

DonaldTrumpsWig · 15/01/2017 21:31

Sorry to hear your great weekend had the edge taken off it by an arsey comment. You did absolutely nothing wrong, no need to feel bad.

Rainbunny · 15/01/2017 21:31

With all the sympathy in the world your friend is BU. The whole purpose of FB is for friends and family to connect and share things, events and happy times, your friend might need to consider stepping back from FB for a while if viewing other's posts is upsetting her so much. I do understand the holiday season might have been bad for her but as someone who is struggling with infertility for years now I wouldn't ever dream of trying to make my happily reproducing friends feel bad for sharing their happy news and updates!

Emmerdalefan · 15/01/2017 21:31

Not at all she was being a twat. I have lost a parent recent but would not do such a thing xx

ohtheholidays · 15/01/2017 21:31

You did nothing wrong.

I lost my Mum and I'd never have messaged a friend something like that if it was days after I'd lost my Mum so not sure where your friend was going with that message.

Ilovecaindingle · 15/01/2017 21:33

If she was a true friend she wouldn't begrudge you your dm.

LilQueenie · 15/01/2017 21:33

whats the backstory with her mum? did she have a mum or just a crappy childhood. Either way it was rude and not at all your fault. you could always send back a single "?" to see if she says anything else. Make out you dont understand what she is referring to.

Starlight2345 · 15/01/2017 21:34

My parents were abusive..I see the how wonderful my dad was posts and it turns my stomach a little however. I scroll on by. I am glad that all parents aren't like mine.

Yes I don't think her message was appropriate but if she is a good friend and this isn't her normal behaviour then I would check she is ok..If she is a dram Llama do nothing.. Don't take the picture down..IF she can't cope with pictures of peoples families FB is not the place for her.

KatharinaRosalie · 15/01/2017 21:34

It must be very difficult for her but does she really expect that none of her friends would never mention anything about their mothers ever again?

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