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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to never go to the cinema again?

607 replies

rmrf · 15/01/2017 09:01

Every. Single. Time. I go to the cinema, there's at least one person who talks/texts/crunches through the film and generally does their best to ruin it for everyone. I usually feel too hesitant to say anything as they've already proven themselves lunatics who care not for others.

Last night it was LA LA Land. Absolutely brilliant, gorgeous film, ruined by some tosser who decided to loudly tap his foot throughout every musical number. He wasn't even in time.

I love watching films but AIBU to not spend any more money on going out to see them, because no one knows how to behave politely? We have Netflix, Google and Amazon video I suppose...

OP posts:

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:47

And I have a hidden disability which means sometimes that I will inadvertently ruin others cinema experience if I go when I am having a flare up. So I don't go. Because adjustments should be reasonable. Not giving me the right to ruin others enjoyment

And that is why we go to autism friendly screenings. But really, there are places we have to go, things we have to do, and sometimes it will impact on other people in a minor way (noise, disruption, slowing down others), and unfortunately that's life. We can't all hide away in our houses and not go out for fear of inconveniencing everybody. We have a right to a life as well. And how will children with disabilities/SNs learn to cope with different situations if they never have the opportunities to do them? I make as many adjustments as I can, but in the end, people also need to learn to be tolerant, empathetic, considerate.... People with disabilities are a part of our society. They are not outside society, they are a part of it.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 15/01/2017 16:47

My job here is done.

brasty · 15/01/2017 16:47

Considering other people is a two way street.

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:49

But the reality is I just CANNOT consider all people all the time. I cannot do it, and can only do my best.

Nobody is saying consider all the people all the time. Just the various ones you come across as you come across them. It's not that complicated.

Original poster

rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:49

I never suggested people with SN shouldn't go to the cinema
I never suggested people with SN shouldn't go to the cinema
I never suggested people with SN shouldn't go to the cinema
I never suggested people with SN shouldn't go to the cinema
I never suggested people with SN shouldn't go to the cinema

OP posts:

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:50

Considering other people is a two way street.

Of course it is, which is why I said we make many adjustments to lessen the impact on others. But I am not going to hide them indoors and not allow them to have a life. They have a right to a full life too.

brasty · 15/01/2017 16:50

Gingerivy I am not expecting others to hide away. Of course there are places you have to go. I am talking about going to the cinema, a totally optional experience. And yes there are autism showings, baby showings, showings for young families and signed screenings.
I am glad now though that some cinemas have wheelchair access.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 15/01/2017 16:51

It's really frustrating when you try to make a point and the person you're trying your best to explain it to isn't listening or taking it in, isn't it OP?

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 15/01/2017 16:51

We went on Halloween and two teenagers next to us started having a full blown conversation, not even whispering, just talking in normal voices. DP asked them to shut up, which seemed to shock them as they spent a few minutes saying 'excuse me', 'oh my days' and blathering on about respect, but then they actually did shut up and were silent for the rest of the film.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 15/01/2017 16:51

Does everyone have the patience, generosity, and empathy to always, always stop and consider if someone's actions are attributable to a disability? Even if you have no real experience with disability, and so it's not often something you think about?

Hmm, well I have a disability (ASD) so I'm probably coming from a perspective that you're not looking to hear from but thought I'd give my tuppence worth anyway.

I am very sensitive to sounds - even innocuous sounds like people talking or the sound of a vending machine can sometimes cause me physical pain. So if someone is making noises and it's hurting me, I mean really causing me physical distress and pain, I am not going to be thinking straight and might not register why this person is doing this. All that I care about is getting away. I might think afterwards why they might have been noisy and feel bad for wanting to be away from them but that's when I've calmed down and am thinking more rationally.

I think having ASD has also made me more aware of other people and being more aware that if someone is doing something annoying or "weird" then there might be a reason for it and they might not just be doing it on purpose.

Incidentally I never go to the cinema. I like films and would like to watch them there but they are just too loud and noisy and there's just too much going on. Even innocuous noises like people munching on food and slurping drinks can really hurt me and make me panic. Seriously a "special snowflakes" session where drinks and food were banned would be my idea of heaven

Even autistic showings will be out of the question for me because I get the impression there more for those who are 'noise makers' rather than 'noise haters' like myself. I have thought about campaigning to get autistic quiet sessions but tbh I'm not sure where to begin with that.

HappyFlappy · 15/01/2017 16:52

you sound very easily annoyed if foot tapping and chewing distract and enrage you

That's two of us then - it would enrage me, too!

Original poster

rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:53

Nobody is saying consider all the people all the time. Just the various ones you come across as you come across them. It's not that complicated.

Actually, Dawn did:

"But if you never know - then YES, you are saying I DO have to operate on the belief that everyone doing rude things may have a disability.

What's the problem with that?"

AND, like I said - it was pointed out numerous times that it cannot be known just by looking at a person if they have a disability - and attempting to 'diagnose' someone that way is not acceptable.

So yes, actually, it does seem quite complicated.

OP posts:

haveacupoftea · 15/01/2017 16:53

I'd rather sit in a cinema with the odd person crunching and going to the loo than at home with DP asking endless questions and the insane dog barking at things on screen

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:53

I am not expecting others to hide away. Of course there are places you have to go. I am talking about going to the cinema, a totally optional experience.

Believe it or not, my dcs go to "optional experiences" as well.

HappyFlappy · 15/01/2017 16:54

I am clearly a terrible, intolerant twat

Me too, Brath.

Perhaps we could start a club?

AVirginLitTheCandle · 15/01/2017 16:54

FWIW OP, I don't think you're disabilist or trying to be harsh. A bit ignorant of some things maybe but being ignorant is not a crime and everyone is ignorant about some things including me and everyone else on MN.

If you have any questions about autism then feel free to ask me.

Obviously autism is a spectrum and no two people with autism are the same so my answers and experience wouldn't apply to everyone with disabilities/SNs but I can still do my best

TSSDNCOP · 15/01/2017 16:54

I disagree I think the previews are necessary because by the time they've finished most people will have finished even a jumbo size box of popcorn and we can all enjoy the film.

People who won't turn off their phones should be picked out and ejected. Surely that's a rule that can be universally applied.

HappyFlappy · 15/01/2017 16:55

Sorry- me too rmrf

I'm easily confused as well as intolerant.

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:55

Nobody is saying consider all the people all the time. Just the various ones you come across as you come across them. It's not that complicated.

Actually, Dawn did:

"But if you never know - then YES, you are saying I DO have to operate on the belief that everyone doing rude things may have a disability.

What's the problem with that?"

Wear it in good health.

hutchblue · 15/01/2017 16:59

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/01/2017 17:00

If nobody bought the food, the tickets would be even more expensive

HorridHenryrule · 15/01/2017 17:01

I love the cinema with my little kiddies.

Original poster

rmrf · 15/01/2017 17:01

A century hutchblue!? That is impressive

OP posts:

MummaGiles · 15/01/2017 17:02

People who go on their phones in the cinema. Just. ARGH! My hairdresser was saying her boyfriend was dragging her to the cinema to see the new Star Wars film last night, but it was ok because if it got too boring she'd just go on her phone. I am debating whether I want this woman near my hair again.

Dawndonnaagain · 15/01/2017 17:06

But Dawn - you wrote policy documents! You clearly had to think about all sections of the population on a regular basis!
erm, I was asked to write policy documents because of my views.

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