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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To want to never go to the cinema again?

607 replies

rmrf · 15/01/2017 09:01

Every. Single. Time. I go to the cinema, there's at least one person who talks/texts/crunches through the film and generally does their best to ruin it for everyone. I usually feel too hesitant to say anything as they've already proven themselves lunatics who care not for others.

Last night it was LA LA Land. Absolutely brilliant, gorgeous film, ruined by some tosser who decided to loudly tap his foot throughout every musical number. He wasn't even in time.

I love watching films but AIBU to not spend any more money on going out to see them, because no one knows how to behave politely? We have Netflix, Google and Amazon video I suppose...

OP posts:
SaorAlbaGuBrath · 15/01/2017 16:32

toyd fair enough, thank you. I'm sorry that a massive part of my frustration was aimed at you, when actually you're alright.

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:32

The sort of person who is inconsiderate enough to chat throughout a film or kick the back of your seat is likely to tell you to fuck off if you ask them to stop.

That's interesting, because both my dcs might do this (until I stepped in to stop them or move them if necessary), but they certainly wouldn't tell you to fuck off. They have numerous SNs/disabilities and struggle to control tics and vocal stims sometimes.

Dawndonnaagain · 15/01/2017 16:32

The sort of person who is inconsiderate enough to chat throughout a film or kick the back of your seat is likely to tell you to fuck off if you ask them to stop.
DS (age 2) has full body tics. He may not be aware that he has done it and would rather be made aware, gently and kindly. He would turn his body so that it didn't bother you. That is if he were forced to take a seat. Most times now he sits at the front on the floor. Don't make assumptions. Hmm

Dawndonnaagain · 15/01/2017 16:33

that should be aged 22!

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 15/01/2017 16:33

Does everyone have the patience, generosity, and empathy to always, always stop and consider if someone's actions are attributable to a disability? Even if you have no real experience with disability, and so it's not often something you think about?
I'll refer you to Skyyequake's previous posts. I think she summed it up perfectly.

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:34

Does everyone have the patience, generosity, and empathy to always, always stop and consider if someone's actions are attributable to a disability? Even if you have no real experience with disability, and so it's not often something you think about?

Clearly not or we wouldn't have had some of the downright nasty, inappropriate comments made to and in front of my dcs about them by other people in public.

Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:35

But you have to make assumptions to get through the day. I would say some assumptions are more unacceptable than others, of course . . . but assuming that people who talk through films/text through films are quite rude seems to be a fairly well-recognised one.

OP posts:
Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:37

Clearly not or we wouldn't have had some of the downright nasty, inappropriate comments made to and in front of my dcs about them by other people in public.

Well that is clearly horrible, and I would never do that or accept anyone doing that. But I can't always help my immediate assumptions - I am only one person with one limited experience of the world, which will be true no matter my efforts. I'd say it's true for everyone, we can just be aware of it and try our best.

OP posts:
brasty · 15/01/2017 16:37

I have told people kicking the back of my seat or talking to stop, it seldom works. Because people who do this generally don't give a fuck what impact their behavior is having on others.

Herhighness · 15/01/2017 16:37

It's the same in the theatre , last time we went the woman next to me rustled sherbet lemons in a paper bag and crunched very loudly.

Dawndonnaagain · 15/01/2017 16:38

Does everyone operate this way?
No, but those of 'hijacking' your 'lighthearted' thread are trying to get you to empathise.

Does everyone have the patience, generosity, and empathy to always, always stop and consider if someone's actions are attributable to a disability? Even if you have no real experience with disability, and so it's not often something you think about?
Many people do. When I was involved in writing policy documents and acts of parliament I had limited personal experience of disability. I still managed to get through life without being an inconsiderate arse, and trust me, there were far fewer people seen about in those days. Many were locked away, little or no access to public transport or public places.

And then, because you can't possibly know, just accept that - because there is a possibility that it is attributable to a disability - the answer is yes, and so you should just accept whatever has happened/they've done
No, you change the approach though, spend a minute working out whether or not they can help it, ask nicely if there is anything you can do to make it an easier experience for both of you.

pastizzi · 15/01/2017 16:38

As I said Hmm I have a severely autistic child myself so please don't lecture me re making assumptions.

This thread has descended into quite an ugly hijack that is helping no one.

The couple of times I have asked people if they could stop talking (very politely) I have been told to fuck off in no uncertain terms. Wouldn't bother doing it again.

Incidentally the same thing happens if you challenge people for parking in a disabled space without a blue badge. Maybe they have hidden disabilities too Hmm

BorisJohnsonsHair · 15/01/2017 16:38

I haven't been in years, mostly because of other people. I really grudge paying an extortionate amount of money to sit far too close to strangers coughing, munching, slurping and texting while I'm trying to watch half an hour of adverts followed by trailers that show all the best bits a film.

But then most films are Hollywood crap anyway.

Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:39

brasty You are likely to be attacked like me for expressing those thoughts.

OP posts:
SaorAlbaGuBrath · 15/01/2017 16:39

But I can't always help my immediate assumptions - I am only one person with one limited experience of the world, which will be true no matter my efforts. I'd say it's true for everyone, we can just be aware of it and try our best.

Yet you continually refuse to even try to educate yourself, listen to anyone attempting to educate you and make your point over and over again. How is that doing your best? It's not, it's sticking your fingers in your ears and refusing to consider anyone but yourself.

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:39

assuming that people who talk through films/text through films are quite rude seems to be a fairly well-recognised one.

MNHQ can you just put this thread on a loop? We seem to be going around in circles here.

If not, OP, just keep rereading from page 1 through to now. Same thing, really, as you keep going back to square one. Hmm

Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:40

But Dawn - you wrote policy documents! You clearly had to think about all sections of the population on a regular basis!

OP posts:
brasty · 15/01/2017 16:40

And I have a hidden disability which means sometimes that I will inadvertently ruin others cinema experience if I go when I am having a flare up. So I don't go. Because adjustments should be reasonable. Not giving me the right to ruin others enjoyment

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:40

I'm going to save this thread, I swear, and next time MNHQ says people need to be educated about disability, I'm going to refer to it. FFS.

skyyequake · 15/01/2017 16:41

Does everyone have the patience, generosity and empathy to always, always stop and consider if someone's actions are attributable to disabilities? Even if you have no real experience with disability, and so it's not often something you think about?

I try to. I'm not perfect, but I feel if I don't try to be patient, generous and empathetic in life then what should I be aiming for? There are no greater qualities for which I strive. I hope for people to be patient, generous and empathetic towards me so that's what I aim to put into the world.

Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:41

I feel this is a contradiction:

No, you change the approach though, spend a minute working out whether or not they can help it, ask nicely if there is anything you can do to make it an easier experience for both of you.

It has been pointed out to me, correctly, that I am of course unable to work out whether or not they can help it.

OP posts:
SaorAlbaGuBrath · 15/01/2017 16:41

OP, genuine question. Don't you think that the world would be a better place if we all considered other people's needs? Or is it only certain people who matter/have a responsibility to consider others?

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:42

BorisJohnsonsHair Yes, I have to agree - the previews are ridiculous. At this rate, in a few years, they will be longer than the films!

Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:44

And if I did think they couldn't help it - would that be the right thing to do?Should all disabled people's behaviour be attributed solely to their disability? Do disabled people welcome these offers, or is it patronising?

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Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:46

SaorAlbaGuBrath Yes I do, of course I do. But the reality is I just CANNOT consider all people all the time. I cannot do it, and can only do my best.

I am clearly a terrible, intolerant twat.

OP posts: