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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to never go to the cinema again?

607 replies

rmrf · 15/01/2017 09:01

Every. Single. Time. I go to the cinema, there's at least one person who talks/texts/crunches through the film and generally does their best to ruin it for everyone. I usually feel too hesitant to say anything as they've already proven themselves lunatics who care not for others.

Last night it was LA LA Land. Absolutely brilliant, gorgeous film, ruined by some tosser who decided to loudly tap his foot throughout every musical number. He wasn't even in time.

I love watching films but AIBU to not spend any more money on going out to see them, because no one knows how to behave politely? We have Netflix, Google and Amazon video I suppose...

OP posts:
GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:17

Interestingly OP and something I'm reasonably sure you never considered, but if you had just said "Gosh, you know, you're right. I didn't even stop to think that they might have had SNs or a disability of some sort. Maybe I need to look into this a bit so next time it happens I might be able to exhibit some empathy and consider just dealing with it like an adult rather than stewing the whole time and bitching afterwards" then perhaps we'd still be on page 2. Hmm

Not holding my breath though. (despite the blatant "No Breathing" rule) Grin

Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:17

I did consider it, but as blueskyinmarch I reckon that most of the people in the cinema doing these things are just rude and thoughtless.

I'm afraid I cannot operate on the belief that everyone doing rude things may have a disability, although I am glad it has been pointed out to me (again, because sometimes people need reminding) that there are other things to consider.

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 15/01/2017 16:17

I read most of it including posting early on. I can't really be arsed with the notion that we have to be super duper careful creeping around all the time afraid to say anything for fear of offending someone. Bottom line is if I am irritated at the cinema then I am irritated at the cinema. It may be an NT person and it may me someone with a hidden disability. But it won't stop me being irritated. I guess that is why I rarely go to the cinema it is just too irritating.

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:19

I reckon that most of the people in the cinema doing these things are just rude and thoughtless. I'm afraid I cannot operate on the belief that everyone doing rude things may have a disability,

You might want two signs, in case you lose one. Hmm

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 15/01/2017 16:20

I'm afraid I cannot operate on the belief that everyone doing rude things may have a disability, although I am glad it has been pointed out to me (again, because sometimes people need reminding) that there are other things to consider

You're glad it's been pointed out to you that there are other things to consider, so you can dismiss them immediately because they don't suit you? Hmm and people think it's my boys that have a problem? Confused

Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:21

I'm afraid I cannot operate on the belief that everyone doing rude things may have a disability

Please tell me why you object to this?

OP posts:
GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:22

I can't really be arsed with the notion that we have to be super duper careful creeping around all the time afraid to say anything for fear of offending someone

Nobody said you had to be "super duper careful creeping around all the time afraid to say anything for fear of offending someone," so that's probably just as well. Empathy was suggested. Consideration was mentioned.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 15/01/2017 16:22

Because it's intolerant, it's self centred and it's bullshit. HTH.

skyyequake · 15/01/2017 16:22

So in answer to your original question OP. YANBU. You can stop going and the parents of SN children, and SN adults can have one less person to be anxious about offending with their or their child's "rude behaviour".

Case closed.

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:23

I'm afraid I cannot operate on the belief that everyone doing rude things may have a disability. Please tell me why you object to this?

We never said EVERYONE. We said SOME. The thing is that you're never going to quite know which people it is.

But again, if you've not grasped this in 12 pages, I'm not holding out much hope here.

ClaudiaNaughton · 15/01/2017 16:24

Toyd bring back Paynes Poppets.

Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:24

I just will never be convinced that I have to always say to myself, "oh, that person was very rude and inconsiderate - oh well, perhaps they have a disability!" as I go about my life.

OP posts:
pastizzi · 15/01/2017 16:24

Despite the fact that I have a severely autistic son myself, and am pretty militant about inclusion etc it still drives me batshit that so many threads get derailed by moving the discussion onto SN.

The vast, vast majority of people behaving inconsiderately in cinemas (or anywhere else) do not have SN. They just don't. And it is bonkers to keep bloody mindedly insisting they might.

This attitude really doesn't help the cause of people like my son. Anything but.

GingerIvy · 15/01/2017 16:25

I just will never be convinced that I have to always say to myself, "oh, that person was very rude and inconsiderate - oh well, perhaps they have a disability!" as I go about my life.

I can't say I'm shocked. Hmm Please pick up a sign on the way out. Grin

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 15/01/2017 16:25

And that, right there, is why people with disabilities and parents of kids with disabilities get so fucking angry with people like you who can't look further than the end of their nose.

Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:25

But I keep my tongue when someone is being very rude. Is that not consideration enough?

OP posts:
SaorAlbaGuBrath · 15/01/2017 16:26
Dawndonnaagain · 15/01/2017 16:27

Many people think this is all fine to behave in such a way ignoring it doesn't in anyway make people more empathic to those with sn who might struggle in certain situations it just supports the notion of I do as I please becuase I can regardless of others.
This is not what was said.

I haven't read every post on this thread but it seems that it has been hijacked by the people who would have us believe that every rude, ill mannered and thoughtless person we encounter possibly has a hidden disability. Yes maybe some do. But I reckon most of them are just rude, ill mannered and thoughtless NT people.

Yawn. I did point out earlier that someone of your ilk would be along soon.1). It's obvious you haven't read the thread. 2) It's not hijacking, it's asking that people bear in mind that there are people with disabilities out there, some can't help their actions, some kind so instead of getting arsy perhaps a gentle approach would be more appropriate. Think you can manage that?

If I go to the cinema and am annoyed by someone rustling, talking or looking at their phone etc I am still going to be annoyed. There're is no way I am going to be sitting there thinking that maybe that person has some hidden disability.

It's unlikely that's what they'd be doing. A number of us have pointed this out. Again though, perhaps being kind in your approach and bearing in mind that it's a possibility would benefit those of us with disabilities, believe it or not we too are part of society and there is legislation that says so. Aren't we lucky!

I'm afraid I cannot operate on the belief that everyone doing rude things may have a disability,
You mean you won't. There's a word for that, it's discrimination. Look it up.

Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:27

Whaaaaaat?

We never said EVERYONE. We said SOME. The thing is that you're never going to quite know which people it is.

But if you never know - then YES, you are saying I DO have to operate on the belief that everyone doing rude things may have a disability.

OP posts:
Oblomov16 · 15/01/2017 16:27

Move.
Or have the bollocks to say something.

pastizzi · 15/01/2017 16:29

The sort of person who is inconsiderate enough to chat throughout a film or kick the back of your seat is likely to tell you to fuck off if you ask them to stop.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 15/01/2017 16:30

We said you should consider it a possibility. Or more accurately told you you were wrong for claiming to have definitive proof of a lack of special needs before making sweeping statements.
Nobody said everyone who annoys you has a disability. Not one person. We suggested you consider that there is a world outside your opinion and could potentially be reasons for behaviours which you don't understand.
Which I'm now realising is a choice, you choose to be intolerant, you choose not to try to understand that some people may think differently to you and you choose to be disablist.

toyd · 15/01/2017 16:30

I apologise to anyone I offended with my "special snowflake" reference. I've only seen it used on MN and never in connection to a disability, so I was coming from a place of ignorance.

Dawndonnaagain · 15/01/2017 16:30

But if you never know - then YES, you are saying I DO have to operate on the belief that everyone doing rude things may have a disability.
What's the problem with that? You can't approach them? Well that's your problem, you've already said that, many times. You didn't approach people that you assumed didn't have a disability ergo makes no odds to you, does it. Or you could change your way of thinking and thereby your approach to the problem.

Original poster
rmrf · 15/01/2017 16:32

Does everyone operate this way?

Does everyone have the patience, generosity, and empathy to always, always stop and consider if someone's actions are attributable to a disability? Even if you have no real experience with disability, and so it's not often something you think about?

And then, because you can't possibly know, just accept that - because there is a possibility that it is attributable to a disability - the answer is yes, and so you should just accept whatever has happened/they've done?

OP posts: