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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want evenings to be adult time?

119 replies

CalorieCreditEqualsCake · 13/01/2017 17:55

I already know that's I'm being unreasonable. But rahhhh!

My eldest is 10 and goes to bed at 9 on a week day and 9.30 on the weekend.
I'm utterly shattered from work and often go to bed at the same time.

In the evening he's leaping around the living room 'bored' or watching the same programme as me (which obviously has to be 10 year old friendly which is another issue!) talking constantly through it.

I'm sick of asking him to be quiet or sit down.
So I give up and go to my bedroom and watch Netflix or NowTv on my phone.

He can't go and play computer etc in his room because he shares with his little brother who is asleep by 7pm and we don't have a dining room with a sofa or conservatory or anything like that.

I just suggested to DH that he could go into our room at 8pm to have some adult time. And he said sarcastically 'it's almost as though we have a family'. So clearly he doesn't like the idea.

What do other people do?
Just accept it and never watch anything adult? And I don't mean porn! Just murder mysteries or stuff that swears etc.

OP posts:
cherrycrumblecustard · 13/01/2017 17:56

Does he have a tablet?

I do think banishing him from the rest of the family is a bit much though.

ootsideinbacktaefront · 13/01/2017 17:57

Get him a tablet and cordless earphones for his room 😀

Applesauce29 · 13/01/2017 17:58

Can you not try and move his bedtime forward to 8, with quiet reading / homework time before that in kitchen, at least Mon- Thu?

witsender · 13/01/2017 17:59

I would just let him go to bed at 9 and watch something then. Can he not sit and read? Tablet? All play a boardgame? Ours are younger but don't go to bed until 830-9ish, we just hang out together really. They colour, read, playbwith toys and whatever.

Bluntness100 · 13/01/2017 18:01

Well it's not your sons fault you need to go to bed at nine or nine thirty. You sound like uou don't want to spend time with him, I mean seriously, you sit in your room watching tv on uour phone?

I agree with uour husband. I can't believe you actually considered sending him to your room and would consider banishing him to another room if you had one. That's horrid. 😞

witsender · 13/01/2017 18:01

I think he either goes to bed or is with you really, you can take banish him elsewhere. What kind of a message is that?

Grilledaubergines · 13/01/2017 18:02

I think the bed time is quite late. I'd make it earlier during the week. If you can relax child-free from 9.00pm I think that's reasonable enough. Before 8, just enjoy the time with him. In a couple of years when he's holed up in his room and you're not on his radar, you'll wish you'd had more time.

cherrycrumblecustard · 13/01/2017 18:02

To be honest I think you might be over worrying the sort of things on tv. I would never let mine see an out and out horror but a bit ofmsex or swearing is okay really.

Grilledaubergines · 13/01/2017 18:02

Before 9, not 8. Sorry

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 13/01/2017 18:03

We throw ours out of the TV area at 9 'because of the watershed'. They don't go to sleep, but at least we can watch Netflix in peace (and this isn't a code for something else).

Original poster
CalorieCreditEqualsCake · 13/01/2017 18:03

"Play a board game."

Every evening?!

You and I are on different planets. And I love family board games!

OP posts:
Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 13/01/2017 18:03

You might also notice that 'the watershed' is not actually relevant to Netflix, but the principle still applies. That's what we tell them.

SeaCabbage · 13/01/2017 18:03

Well it's not his fault that he has a brother in his bedroom.

I think it would be fair enough to put him in your room at 8pm. It's hardly early. And personally I would have him reading or drawing etc. Not screens before bed.

Does your dh get home much later than you and not see him for long?

I think 8pm into your room and adult time for you is a good compromise.

Original poster
CalorieCreditEqualsCake · 13/01/2017 18:04

Over worrying?

I really want to watch Geordie Shore or The Walking Dead (judge me I don't care). I don't think that's 10 year old viewing....

OP posts:
Blossomdeary · 13/01/2017 18:04

If this is what you want, then you must set out to achieve it.

Earlier bedtime with books or amusements in his room and a rule that he does not come down as this is your quiet time. Give him lots of attention and appreciation up to that cut off time.

Your house - your rules. Just decide between you and your OH what would be best and tell your son that this is what is going to happen as there are things that you wish to watch that are not suitable for him. Then you must back each other up.

He cannot rule the house - he needs boundaries. Your needs are just as important. He is not being banished - he is simply being required to fit in and show consideration.

Original poster
CalorieCreditEqualsCake · 13/01/2017 18:05

"Well it's not his fault his brother is in his room. I think it would be fair to put him in your room."

Talk about a contradiction!

OP posts:
mouldycheesefan · 13/01/2017 18:06

Let him go to bed earlier and read. My 9 year old goes at 7.30-8 and reads in bed.

LoupGarou · 13/01/2017 18:07

My "adult time" is a 4am. I always wake up at this time, always have. We have a balcony off our bedroom, so I make a coffee (coffee machine in bedroom for this purpose Grin) wrap up warm and go an sit outside and watch the stars, the northern lights and/or the sun rise, depending on the time of year, over the forest. That is my adult time and I always feel unreasonably resentful if I have to start my day any other way Grin.
Could you set aside some time for yourself at another time of the day?

Original poster
CalorieCreditEqualsCake · 13/01/2017 18:08

mouldy is the room in the dark?

Mine would freak out. I still have to walk him to his bed, he doesn't like his room in the dark.
I would put a light on of course but his brothers asleep. Id give him a torch but that all seems crueler than asking him to snuggle in our bed with his tablet. He'd be gutted if I told him he's now to go to bed at 8pm in the dark.

In fact, I just couldn't make him do that.

OP posts:
witsender · 13/01/2017 18:09

You asked for opinions...What do you want to hear? Yes, we play board games a few times a week. Or they play one of theirs on the floor in the living room while we sit on the sofa and read, listen to music, chat, crochet or whatever. Sometimes watch TV, but not always.

You either need to change his bedtime or find a way of being together. Banishing him because you don't want him around seems mean.

Original poster
CalorieCreditEqualsCake · 13/01/2017 18:10

Lou I miss chilling on the sofa with my husand, warm and snuggle in the evening.

OP posts:
YouHadMeAtCake · 13/01/2017 18:10

Poor lad. I agree with Bluntness and grilled

Try parenting him.You come across as rather unpleasant.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/01/2017 18:10

I would just spend time with him until 9/9.30, then go straight to bed and watch a film. If you go to bed about 11 (not sure what time you do go to bed obviously) you've got about 2 hours of time just alone together. Which for family life is probably not that bad at all. Do you get to have any evenings alone together, when kids are being babysat?

isthistoonosy · 13/01/2017 18:11

Mine are still little and I'm.dreading the age where they stay up.with us. I know as kids we were always told you can be awake provided you are quite and don't wake the other kids on you room - so reading,play quietly etc was fine bit we weren't allowed to.come.downstairs after bedtime.
Would.that work.for your family?

Original poster
CalorieCreditEqualsCake · 13/01/2017 18:12

wit when he was going to bed at 8.30 I didn't have a problem with it either. 🙂

OP posts: