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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want evenings to be adult time?

119 replies

CalorieCreditEqualsCake · 13/01/2017 17:55

I already know that's I'm being unreasonable. But rahhhh!

My eldest is 10 and goes to bed at 9 on a week day and 9.30 on the weekend.
I'm utterly shattered from work and often go to bed at the same time.

In the evening he's leaping around the living room 'bored' or watching the same programme as me (which obviously has to be 10 year old friendly which is another issue!) talking constantly through it.

I'm sick of asking him to be quiet or sit down.
So I give up and go to my bedroom and watch Netflix or NowTv on my phone.

He can't go and play computer etc in his room because he shares with his little brother who is asleep by 7pm and we don't have a dining room with a sofa or conservatory or anything like that.

I just suggested to DH that he could go into our room at 8pm to have some adult time. And he said sarcastically 'it's almost as though we have a family'. So clearly he doesn't like the idea.

What do other people do?
Just accept it and never watch anything adult? And I don't mean porn! Just murder mysteries or stuff that swears etc.

OP posts:

Slimmingsnake · 13/01/2017 18:57

This reminds me of a woman I knew from way back..she has two sons...they both had to shower at 7 pm and were not allowed back down stairs after .had to be in their rooms...was her rule from when she had them till they left home ...as soon as they could from what I remember...but hay her adult time was very important 🙄

FruitCider · 13/01/2017 18:58

You go to bed at 9? I get up at 05:20 and go to bed at 10! Unless you start work stupidly early I don't know why your bed time is so early?

KateDaniels2 · 13/01/2017 19:04

I think its your expectations that are off.

You want to go to bed quite early and want adult time. Thats fairly normal.

However since he has to share a room its not really possible.

Dd is 12 and some evenings she comes and sits with us. Some she goes to her own bedroom. However i wouldn't enforce that she must leave the living room at certain times. I do think thats unfair. On the weeks/months she spends the evening downstairs we just suck it up. Its her home too.

Tbh i do as pp said. I get up early. Make a coffee and have an hour or two of quiet time then. And like pp, get pissed off if its interupted.

We can want something a certain way, but sometimes circumstance means it cant happen.

Chelazla · 13/01/2017 19:05

I don't know why people ask opinions then get sarcastic and arsey when people give them! I thin YABU to be honest and as your husbsnd is happy for him to be there it does just read as you trying to get rid of him. I also do get why playing a board game with him is ludicrous but shoving him upstairs with a tablet to keep him company is fine?

d270r0 · 13/01/2017 19:09

I completely understand. I only have very young children but I love when the go to bed at 7.30 and I get a couple of hours of child free time to do whatever I want to and watch whatever I want. I think sending him to your room an hour early is a good compromise, as long as he has something to occupy him. Everyone needs a bit of chill out time to themselves.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 13/01/2017 19:10

I should have read your OP properly.

Slimmingsnake · 13/01/2017 19:10

Possibly with his own room he wouldn't want your company....but what else is he meant to do??? We lost our ensuite and about of a third of our bedroom to have a builder make a proper bedroom for our 4 th child..can't tell it wasn't done when the house was built....I'd be trying to get him his own room if you can

SootSprite · 13/01/2017 19:15

I think it's quite sad you you don't want to spend this time with him. They're only young for such a short time and I guarantee that you will look back and regret not wanting him with you of an evening.

haveacupoftea · 13/01/2017 19:15

You dont want to be in the same room as your 8 year old child because you'd rather watch Georgie shore your husband is right, wise up and start being a parent.

namechangeforthis123 · 13/01/2017 19:15

Only on MN would an OP be told she didn't want to parent her kids.. for asking for an hour child free in the evening! hilarious!
OP firstly I think you need to get your son to have an earlier bedtime. I'd start at 7.30, shower supper teeth etc. Then up to your room to read at 8ish. I'd fit a night light in his room ( or his torch) and then into his own bed at 8.30/9.00
I have two sharing a room, they go to bed at the same time, 8pm. They can read or draw until 9. They usually listen to an audio book and are asleep by nine. My eldest is 11 and needs lots of sleep.
To the PP with a balcony, that sounds bliss!

witsender · 13/01/2017 19:15

Why is a board game "ludicrous"?

AntiQuitty · 13/01/2017 19:20

I don't think you're unreasonable! Ds1 at that age was up showering, teeth & hanging out in our room playing or whatever from 7:30 as he too shares a room. Yes we're a family and do plenty of family things but dh and I like to hang out together and relax and why not!

FreddieMercuryTheTenth · 13/01/2017 19:21

You go to bed at 9? I get up at 05:20 and go to bed at 10! Unless you start work stupidly early I don't know why your bed time is so early?

Really, Fruitcider?
May I let you in, on a secret, the world is not full of replicas of you.

TalkinPeace · 13/01/2017 19:22

Quiet evening time returns when they leave home.
My kids go to bed later than I do.

FreddieMercuryTheTenth · 13/01/2017 19:24

I think people are being OTT harsh on the OP

Yes op it is normal to want child free time- sod what these losers think. Well you and me know they don't think it, they just pretend they do.
These are the kids of parents that pretend they are mary poppins but pray tell who is babysitting when you are on MN all day??!#

It is not normal to spend all your adult waking moments surrounded by kids, that is how relationships DIE. NO SEX EVER. fuck me, so many deluded little mugs on here

FreddieMercuryTheTenth · 13/01/2017 19:25

TalkinPeace then good luck holding your marriage together for the next 18 years...

GloriaGaynor · 13/01/2017 19:26

You could try moving him to a school with more homework...

He really needs his own room. And you need him to have one too.

HorridHenryrule · 13/01/2017 19:27

The quality of the time is key. If you are resentfully wishing you had some wind down time, it's not quality time is it.

I should tell my dp that who likes to keep them up until he goes to bed. It really pisses me off that he don't listen to me. We did agree a time but as soon as I start studying again its all left up to me. He goes to be and to work why should he take any responsibility. Rant over from mummy who gets up and goes to sleep with my little darlings.

steppemum · 13/01/2017 19:27

well, I have a 14, 11 and 9 year old.
I totally agree with lack of evenings, I still find it hard.
The worst thing is that I never get to watch the TV I want!
But we do send ours up to read for a while before bed. I also have a thing where I will read with them/play until a certain time, and after that it is evening time and my time.
This means I get to choose the TV, and I'm done with games and books.
They are happy with that.
We do have another room though, and the oldest does go and play x box.
I think part of your problem is that you need ot go to bed early.

No real suggestions, but unfortunately, this it is from now on!

Grilledaubergines · 13/01/2017 19:28

Freddie you sound so lovely. Classy even.

toots111 · 13/01/2017 19:28

He might want to go hang out in your room OP, have you asked him? If he's happy with it then I don't see a problem.

grannytomine · 13/01/2017 19:29

Well you can't send a ten year old to bed at 7, that would be ridiculous. Is there anything wrong with snuggling up on the sofa with your husband with your son in the room?

My GC stay with me alot and when they are watching child friendly stuff in the evening I read, I'm in the room with them but enjoying something more than child friendly tv.

HorridHenryrule · 13/01/2017 19:29

He goes to bed

OrgasmAfterLongHotOrgasm · 13/01/2017 19:31

No wonder so many men have affairs

HorridHenryrule · 13/01/2017 19:33

In boarding houses they go to bed at 21:30 every night. I think that is a reasonable time for young people. As they get older 15, 16 then bed a bit later for study time. How does young heads learn if they are tired?

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