To want evenings to be adult time?

[CalorieCreditEqualsCake]

I already know that's I'm being unreasonable. But rahhhh!

My eldest is 10 and goes to bed at 9 on a week day and 9.30 on the weekend.
I'm utterly shattered from work and often go to bed at the same time.

In the evening he's leaping around the living room 'bored' or watching the same programme as me (which obviously has to be 10 year old friendly which is another issue!) talking constantly through it.

I'm sick of asking him to be quiet or sit down.
So I give up and go to my bedroom and watch Netflix or NowTv on my phone.

He can't go and play computer etc in his room because he shares with his little brother who is asleep by 7pm and we don't have a dining room with a sofa or conservatory or anything like that.

I just suggested to DH that he could go into our room at 8pm to have some adult time. And he said sarcastically 'it's almost as though we have a family'. So clearly he doesn't like the idea.

What do other people do?
Just accept it and never watch anything adult? And I don't mean porn! Just murder mysteries or stuff that swears etc.

Fair enough OP, I don't watch a lot of TV so I don't know what you want to watch, or whether it's important enough to exile your child for :)

PS to be honest I do agree with the others. I don't want to judge but surely you want to spend time with your son? It won't be long before he's a teenager and he will want to spend less time with you, and you'll miss him.

If he's leaping around the living room I'd be saying to him he either behaves or he goes to bed at 8. His choice.

I LOVE that wanting a whole hour to myself in the evening means that I don't parent my son. 😂😂😂😂😀😀😀😀

It's only a half hour difference you are talking about. If 2030 makes it a-ok then change his bedtime. Or go to bed half an hour later yourself. We normally sit down together at 2100ish.

I think it's reasonable to request that your child engages in quiet time after a certain time of night. Mine have to. If they won't, then it's to bed early. I have had to accept that they are up longer though as they're getting older.

OP does your son have a bedtime routine when he does go to bed?
I agree with bringing bedtime forward to around 8pm. Would a nightlight help with any fears of the dark maybe?
What time does his brother go to bed? Could they go together at the same time or is younger DB asleep a lot earlier?
I don't think forcing him to go to your room so you can be on your own is very fair. As a parent we all have to make sacrifices and one you seem to have to make at the moment is your viewing choices and chose things to do/watch as a family.

Do you have a spare room he could move into or are all bedrooms taken? When he goes to high school and he gets homework he would probably appreciate some space to himself.

I understand your frustration but asking him to go into a different room or you going into your room just to watch TV sends out a message to your son that you don't want to be around him IMO YABU

It does make a difference. I don't know why, it didn't bother me before and now it does.

I got the dictionary definiton for 'exiled' to highlight the dramatics of some of the answers on this thread.
www.dictionary.com/browse/exile?

😂

Have a look for a series that you can watch together?

I think you need to change your expectations of family life, especially given that your DS has to share a room. It is not just he who has to compromise.

This is what sleepovers are for

I think people saying you don't want to parent him are right out of order. Adults should have some down time and be able to snuggle/watch child-inappropriate telly or whatever.

I don't have a solution though, OP, I'm sorry. Other than an earlier bedtime (him not you!), but I suppose that ship has sailed?

Can you not just go to bed half an hour earlier?

Or is there a way to partition his room so he has his own area?

Pretty keen to just mock suggestions, rather than consider them, huh OP? And I say that as someone who kind of gets where you're coming from. You're not coming across well tbh.

"Do you have a spare room he could move into or are all bedrooms taken?"

I mean, at the time of the evening our room would be 'spare' so to speak. Why would a fully spare room be much difference for the sake of an hour? I appreciate your advice though and I must admit the high school time worries me. I mean studying for GCSE's when he shares with a little brother. I'm not sure how well that will go down. We are hoping to move of course but I currently can't afford new socks let alone a house (currently in a flat).

If that makes any difference our bedroom is directly next door to the living room.

Im completely with you on this op. Im knacketed & fed up of CBBC & silly games & jumping around on the sofa etc by 8pm.
All mine (8-12) go to bed at the same time. 8.30 they go upstairs & wash/teeth/ story etc then lights out at 9 just in time for me to watch something!
Can you alternate you/DH to get him ready, supervise bath etc them at least you have a bit longer every other night. Im a sp do can't
I stay up too late watching things because I need alone time& sleeping doesn't count!

I think yabu. The times he goes to bed are reasonable. My 15 year goes up at same time on weeksats, after 9 is meant to be adult time.

I would suggest that it's probably your bedtime that's causing an issue rather than his. It's not unreasonable to want some adult time, but your need to go to bed at the same time as your DS is breaking into that. Between 8.30-9.30 is not an unrealistic time to go to bed for a child but I suspect it's unusual for an adult to need to go to bed at that time every night...

If you're not a night owl (which it doesn't sound like you are from your bedtime), why not get up earlier than the DC to watch inappropriate stuff? Or have a tv in your room you can watch things on with your DH?

YANBU, but the situation is far from ideal for either of you. My 9-year-old reads in his room from 8-8.30pm and then it's lights out, but sharing with his little brother makes that impossible for your DS. You're doing what you can, which is him watching something in one room, while you watch something different in another. I don't see what else you can do really.

I'm definitely mocking the ridiculous ones! Yes! All two of them. Not parenting and exiling him. Hilarious!! 😂😂😂

I am however grateful to the others for your advice, I appreciate it.
And also liking the idea of a patrician, I'm thinking in time for secondary school rather that evening times though. (Check me out, I'm PARENTING him!) 😃😃😄

Half an hour later, even!

Yanbu and yabu

I love a bit of childfree evening time.

Part and parcel of parenthood that it disappears a bit as they get older though.

Calorie DH did try to join me on the balcony once, he got a look and I pointed him to the deck off the kitchen . He thought having a balcony off the bedroom was pointless so it is MY space .

I do think its important to have some time to yourself each day, I have some health issues and am in a lot of pain most days. Having a coffee on the balcony when I wake up helps me to focus my mind and sets me up for the rest of the day.

My youngest is 11 and goes to bed at 9pm during the week. However, she is mostly upstairs on her laptop in the evenings after dinner playing roblox with her friends from school. I barely see her between 7pm and 9pm!

Teen however is draped all over the sofa, chatting away about random stuff and generally being here. Because she lives here.

Mind you, she's leaving home in 3 weeks and I am going to miss her massively.

Kids grow up and stay up later. They are part of the family. I think yabu expecting your dc to stay out of your living room for the entire evening so you can 'snuggle' on the sofa.

He just needs a book light and to read in bed from 8.30. Ensure he's worn out beforehand