To stop work

[hurtingbackachingheart]

I can never make my mind up, so quick thread to get other views.

Pros are, I like my job, it's school hours, it's worthwhile and it pays reasonably well.

Cons. Oh, the cons.

I'm not making a huge amount. In fact I make barely anything, due to nursery costs. This will change obviously.
I have other things I want to do ... I have got really into some voluntary work, and I could help out more there, I want to do some more voluntary work with animals but don't have time.
The house is a mess.
I have another interest I want to develop but really don't have time.

Any thoughts? I made a vague enquiring about PT but was essentially told NO.

Once your dcs are at school the real benefit of school hours will come into play. at the moment, you've got the worst of all worlds, nursery fees and being tied to school holidays (expensive). Once they are at school you won't need to pay any childcare. It may feel a long way off, but once they are no longer in nursery your income will have a massive boost. Also, sahm can find it harder when trying to re enter the workplace, skills have not kept up with technology or qualifications outdates, having to start at the bottom etc. It might sound great to not work, but how will you pay for the nursery fees if you don't work? You could end up pull in them out and the still not having time for all the stuff you'd love to do.

Lion sleeps tonight makes good points. Crazy to give up a paid, school hours term time job for unpaid voluntary work. If you're too tired give up the voluntary work, get a cleaner (it will definitely help despite you saying it's mainly tidying that needs doing-cleaners can also tidy) or get your DH to help more. This will all get easier as dcs get older.

What is your job OP if you don't mind me asking?

If I didn't enjoy my job, DH had high income and was happy for me to stay home for the long term, I would totally do it. Potter about while kids at school, bit of volunteering etc, sounds nice! But if you need money (including long term) then you need to hang onto that job! Also consider what may happen if your DH left you or lost his job etc.

You obviously want to stop going out to work so why seek MN approval?
Just do it.
But be prepared to feel controlled and lose your independence. Your DH says 'things' will run more smoothly if you're a SAHM, meaning his participation in running the family home will end so he'll have his lovely well-paid job to go to every day while you do all the tedious shit chores.
Get a grip OP and learn to manage your time better and appreciate your life and your job in a school whether it's a teacher, secretary or whatever. Enjoy the life you have and stop thinking the grass is greener in some other life.

OP you should quit your job because you obviously want to.

Nearly everyone is saying that you shouldn't and you're arguing against them. There's your answer. You do want to quit your job. So do it.

If it were me I'd just keep the DC in nursery longer a couple of days a week and use that time to volunteer/pursue your other interest.

I also don't think it's a good idea to give up financial independence voluntarily. Also, can you afford it? Or would you need to claim a benefit to replace any lost income? I've read the thread but may have missed it. Will you be worse off financially?

Just to add- not a claiming benefit dig. I think it's absolutely ok if someone is unable to work due to ill health and needs to claim a benefit. Different viewpoint if someone claims because they quit their job due to fancying doing volunteering.

You comment that you barely make anything after childcare, but then state you would keep them in childcare if you stopped work...Thereby making your financial situation even worse. Seems illogical.

OP, I suspect you feel you're getting a hard time on here. You feel tired and on a pointless treadmill, and now there's a way off it so why can't you take it!

From the outside, though, it just seems like such a common story. I'm not suggesting your husband is a bad guy, but it does sound like he has ingrained ideas about how families should work (I.e. mum does it all), and it seems to be disproportionately affecting you. All the steps of the way are understandable, but you end up worse off!

I don't know what you did before having kids, but now you've had them and presumably stayed home at least for some amount of months then it made sense for you to go back to a lower hours role.

Then, because you had been at home when the kids went to daycare or wherever it made sense for you to consider that money compared directly to your salary.

It also made sense for you to do most of the work with the kids, as you'd been around them more.

It made sense for you to pick up more of the housework, as you were at home more. And the longer it went on, the more it made sense for you and not your husband to do it because you had routines, and experience, and ways of doing things.

And then you end up now, with a job that is full time, albeit less hours than his. But when you add in all the extra work you're doing, is he working more hours? And if not, why can't he step up at home?

Because then you're tired, and overworked, and used to thinking of your salary as almost pointless as cancelled out by daycare. While he spends more time focussing on his career without distractions, probably becoming more successful, and then it makes sense for you to step back even more! Until you may as well just leave work and stay home, becoming more responsible for kids and home and he has a successful career and successful family and easy home life paid for by your sacrifice of career and independence.

On childcare, isn't the gov now finding more hours childcare or something, 30 hrs a week.

I think what is being missed here, is what would make you happy? Are you enjoying your job, or not? That makes such a lot of difference to the situation. I would find working with children hard when I had my own before and after, that would be no break, whereas some people love being with children all the time. Others find their job 'me time' a peaceful break where they have adult time.

So apart from the job being school hours, that is something to think of. maybe you just want a change. If a job is not school hours and you are already using a nursery that could be accomodated as well. The schools hours thing isn;t the be all and end all. Most schools have breakfast and after school clubs once they start school as well.

Kind thoughts, i think you have had a bit of a hard time on this post.

I think I probably will stick with the job I just wish that I could have one day in the week!

Did you use to post under a different name, ET? I could swear this sounds so familiar...

That's exactly what I thought, Bitchy.

Good decision I think. Perhaps you could apply for a different working pattern when they write the timetable for next year. Bear in mind that if granted it's a permanent change though.

Yes, that's a good idea, I think they will be reluctant to grant pt hours but you can only ask I think. Need to clean the house now 😩

Also, I should add that I really appreciate the advice here and that people were prepared to listen to me and remind me of pertinent facts. I'm very grateful.

Op you probably knew w this already but you have the statutory right to request flexible working-maybe dropping down to three days a week would help as a job share-

www.gov.uk/flexible-working/overview

Everyone's given fantastic advice already, but I just want to emphasize that it's not fair that you're being stretched thin with running the household, sorting out the kids, and holding a full time job. Your DH needs to step up and either hire help or help more at home (he should be helping at home either way though). It's not on you to provide a cozy little family and a perfectly cleaned house for him to come home to. He has to be a part of it too.

Glad to read that you're keeping the job, and good luck with everything.

I have the right to request it, I know, but they don't have to grant it, I don't think?

I'd be delighted with three days, but even four would help.

I will sound awful but I think what I'm longing for is time away from toddlers

You sound like you have my dream job!! School hours, term time only, reasonable pay AND you actually enjoy it! You are very lucky.

I'm sure you have things I can only dream of, too :)

OP, I do understand. I've been in a similar position, but did drop the job. Years later I've come back into work.

To me, the key thing is to look at the problem long term.

You are frazzled now. Your days are spoken for and you have small kids which is knackering. This will get easier as they grow up!

If your volunteering is your passion and you can afford it, then you could choose to leave. If your main driver is easing life at home, then I think you should talk to your DH about getting some help with cleaning or whatever, so that you can work and volunteer more easily.

The long term financial disadvantages of stopping work may well be worth it for the positivity volunteering gives you. They may not be worth a slightly tidier house, or your DH needing to pitch in a bit.

Best of luck with whatever you decide!

Thanks - I might think about a cleaner although DH won't like it

I tried a cleaner for a while for similar reasons but found it wasn't right for us. We now have a robot hoover instead which is ace.

What's that? :)