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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop work

374 replies

hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 16:10

I can never make my mind up, so quick thread to get other views.

Pros are, I like my job, it's school hours, it's worthwhile and it pays reasonably well.

Cons. Oh, the cons.

I'm not making a huge amount. In fact I make barely anything, due to nursery costs. This will change obviously.
I have other things I want to do ... I have got really into some voluntary work, and I could help out more there, I want to do some more voluntary work with animals but don't have time.
The house is a mess.
I have another interest I want to develop but really don't have time.

Any thoughts? I made a vague enquiring about PT but was essentially told NO.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 13/01/2017 20:44

To be fair, you don't mention your h in your initial post. But I think you would be nuts to give up financial independence in a job with the hours you have just to do voluntary work.

But I don't think it's fair for one partner to give up work to pursue voluntary interests.

Chelazla · 13/01/2017 20:44

Verybitchy she wanted to give up work he said ok! Hardly the same as wanting her to is it?

MsVTired · 13/01/2017 20:45

*of a hard time! sorry i work full time too and i am utterly drained Smile

Original poster
hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 20:45

It does, ils and I guess I would be wise to remember that ... Just want it all at times I think :) x

OP posts:
Chelazla · 13/01/2017 20:46

I just think sometimes people look to deep into things, she wants to quit, he doesn't mind if she does! Imo that's it nothing bad!

RortyCrankle · 13/01/2017 20:46

my contracted hours are full time, and I am in every single day.
DH really DOES work 'full time' hmm so he doesn't do housework. That's my job.

How did I guess. If we accept as you insist that you work full time, how exactly is housework your job?

Personally there is no way in hell I would give up my financial independence and security to rely on a DH who obviously relishes the idea of you being his little wifey at home doing all childcare and house drudge, which you probably do now anyway.

In any event I would be having very strong words with 'D'H about him sharing the current workload.

ilovesooty · 13/01/2017 20:48

Yes, I think you would be wise to remember that...

Original poster
hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 20:48

But you clearly don't believe it is full time :) because you say "if you insist." Anyway it does not matter, unless I work in a boarding school hours aren't going to increase so that's how it is.

OP posts:
Frouby · 13/01/2017 20:48

Is there any scope for your volunteer work to become a career? Could you leave work but do some sort of training based on your volunteer work?

I do get that your hours seem full time. At one point I did 9.30 until 1.30. Just had dd then and she was 6/7ish? By the time I had gotten in from work, walked the dog, eaten a sandwhich and put a wash on it was time.to pick dd up and do some sort of club or homework or play date or activity. Back home then start tea, bath and bed for dd. Tea for the grownups, a quick shower, an hour of tv then bed.

Mine was part time work I know. But it felt like I was constantly doing something during the week. When I go back to work when ds is 4 I am looking for something about 16-18 hours a week spread over 2 days. That will feel part time.

bloodyteenagers · 13/01/2017 20:48

He's pressuring her to give up.
He's not taking care of his responsibilities and op is doing everything.
That's why she had a dh problem.
He wants her to quit to be the good little housewife.
She wants to quit to peruse her interests forgetting

  1. She's not going to have her wage
  2. she will have the child with her
  3. he will expect everything in the house to be done beucase that's why he wants her to give up.
  4. so she will still be in the same situation.

But if he actually had any respect for his partner it wouldn't all be on her shoulders.

Rainbowqueeen · 13/01/2017 20:50

So if you did quit what would happen when all your kids are at school? Do you plan to go back to work then??

If yes, then please take on board what everyone is saying about school hour positions being like gold dust. You will probably end up in a full time job and having to sort out after school care, holiday care plus do all the house work after you finish work for the day. Will your DH help out with any of that???!!!
From what you have said so far, I would doubt that. To me it looks like you would be making your life easier for 2-3 years then much much harder for 12 years while his life is easier for 14-15 years.

Does that sound fair or reasonable?? This is aside from all the career progression, pension issues.

In your shoes I would stay in the job, do the volunteering on a weekend while your DH looks after your DC and get a cleaner. Then look forward to the days when you will not have nursery costs.

Original poster
hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 20:52

I would get a cleaner except that it wouldn't solve much. Cleaning is the easy part, it's the endless washing and drying and putting away and the tidying toys and books and colouring and clothes that "fall out" of DCs wardrobes and all that ...

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 13/01/2017 20:57

Your never going to get better job hours esp once kids start school. 9-3.15 (hour for lunch?) plus 8 wks ish a year not working in the school holidays.

Your going to laughing woth childcare costs once kids start school

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 13/01/2017 20:58

Verybitchy she wanted to give up work he said ok! Hardly the same as wanting her to is it?

He won't do any housework.

She said herself she's not pressuring him, if anything it's the other way round (her words).

He won't do any housework.

How many times does that need saying??

Nquartz · 13/01/2017 21:02

Why can't DH do done washing/drying, putting away, tidying etc? My DH works full time (40 hours a week) I work 24 so I do the cleaning on my day off (week day, DD at school) he then comes home from work & tidied up, puts washing away, washes up/loads dishwasher after tea, baths DD, reads to her/with her. This all means I effectively clock off at about 5.30pm. Do you share the childcare at weekends? Why can't he do household chores at the weekend?
Personally I would never give up work for all the reasons given already, I only got the hours I have (school with flexibility to change days/hours etc in school holidays) because I've been with the company for over 10 years & im going to keep it as long as I can!

HalfaFishFingerAndTwoPeas · 13/01/2017 21:02

Asks for advice
Receives good advice
Uses every excuse to ignore advice given.

NickyEds · 13/01/2017 21:03

I understand you might not want to be too specific op, but what is the nature of the voluntary work? I think it could be a great thing to do if you gained experience in a field you could enter when your dc are all in school.

Original poster
hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 21:03

I really don't think that's fair, if you read back through my posts, Halfa

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 21:04

Well, I've name changed - I'm working for the Samaritans :)

OP posts:
Fuckoffdailymailnobs · 13/01/2017 21:04

I work the same hours it's hard you basically work at home, work at work, work at home again.Thing is I have flexi time, school hours but not term time working and a final salary pension no way never am I voluntarily leaving my job.

Get a (good)cleaner.honestly it frees up your weekend it's life changing.

Give up your job if you must but honestly you will never work at the same level again

HalfaFishFingerAndTwoPeas · 13/01/2017 21:05

I've rtft and it's clear what you want to do so not sure why you asked tbh

witsender · 13/01/2017 21:05

Keep the long game in mind. Hang on to the hours cause when they start school it will get easier financially and practically. Hold on to the volunteering if you want, and go to bed earlier on other nights! And get your husband chipping in keeping his house going.

Do you have problems with energy levels etc?

Cary2012 · 13/01/2017 21:10

You're a TA during the day OP? Apologies if I guessed wrong.

I started as a TA when my kids were small and I wanted a job to fit in with school hours because I had 3 small kids. Loved it. Took an OU degree, kept working as a TA, did a PGCE and now a teacher.

Don't quit the day job if I guessed right!

Original poster
hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 21:11

I'm not a TA. HaveI, what am I going to do,then? :)

OP posts:
anothermalteserplease · 13/01/2017 21:47

Another one saying don't quit work. And I'm a SAHM so some of these posts are hard to read. But the reality is that you'd be quitting work to do a few volunteer hours and housework while your children are at nursery. Doesn't seem worth it to me when you enjoy your job. I recognize volunteer work is worthwhile but not at the expense of enjoyable, paid employment.