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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop work

374 replies

hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 16:10

I can never make my mind up, so quick thread to get other views.

Pros are, I like my job, it's school hours, it's worthwhile and it pays reasonably well.

Cons. Oh, the cons.

I'm not making a huge amount. In fact I make barely anything, due to nursery costs. This will change obviously.
I have other things I want to do ... I have got really into some voluntary work, and I could help out more there, I want to do some more voluntary work with animals but don't have time.
The house is a mess.
I have another interest I want to develop but really don't have time.

Any thoughts? I made a vague enquiring about PT but was essentially told NO.

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 20:22

You do get school holidays off, yes. I'm really surprised I'm getting a hard time here about this.

DH really DOES work 'full time' Hmm so he doesn't do housework. That's my job.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 13/01/2017 20:22

I can't believe you really like your job if you seem so desperate to pack it in. Or are you desperate to do what your husband wants?

bloodyteenagers · 13/01/2017 20:24

Then quit and complain because you have no time to do anything because you are running around after lo all day. He
Already wants you to stay at home to make things easier. You think he's going to be happy no income, child in nursery and he's still got to do his fair share of all the housework?

But in reality you need to look at how you manage your time. Our contracted days are very similar. Yet for some reason my time is properly constructed to allow a social life, housework done, running around after a child and pets, plus studying for a degree. And there is no mrbt on the scene.

bloodyteenagers · 13/01/2017 20:26

Well he needs a kick up his arse.
He should still be doing some housework. If he lived alone he would still have to clean, cook, do the laundry, shop etc.
That's a ridiculous cop out he works full time so that negates him from doing things.

OhhBetty · 13/01/2017 20:27

I'd never advise anyone to quit their jobs tbh. School hours jobs are rare anyway but that aside, if your relationship breaks down your husband will be fine. You on the other hand will have barely any income and it may be difficult to find employment again after being out of work. I hate to be negative but unfortunately many relationships do break down nowadays and it is mostly women who find themselves struggling financially. Your husband sounds like he just wants to go to work and not have to do anything at all at home.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/01/2017 20:27

"my contracted hours are full time, and I am in every single day. "
^"DH really DOES work 'full time' Hmm so he doesn't do housework. That's my job."

So both of you work full time. But only one of you does housework. Hmm indeed.

Original poster
hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 20:29

It's not exactly that I'm desperate to pack it in, but more that I'm desperate to do other stuff. Does that make sense? And I can't pretend it wouldn't make life easier in all sorts of ways but then I do love it and the children I work with.

If I worked a 4 day week (and was even more of a lazy twat than I a, now Grin) then I could use that day to volunteer (it's a minimum of 3 hours a week which I know isn't much before everyone jumps on me, but it's in a chunk) and develop my other interest and do something with animals. And have the weekends free with DC.

OP posts:
mimiholls · 13/01/2017 20:29

The pros of your job sound pretty good. Not many people could say those things about their job.

ilovesooty · 13/01/2017 20:32

You've obviously decided that your husband has no obligation to put anything except money into the home and none of the advice about your long term security seems to be making any sense to you.
It seems you've made your mind up.

Amammi · 13/01/2017 20:32

How secure is your husbands job? How you you all manage if he became ill and unable to work?

Original poster
hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 20:34

I haven't, ils, I really haven't.

But honestly, I am tired. Don't all leap at me because I don't do 1000000000 hours, I am in five days a week, I have very small children, I have a husband who is pressurising me to resign, I have things I want to do. It's tempting. Can you see thatL

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 13/01/2017 20:35

You might be desperate to do voluntary work and that's lovely. How would you feel if your H comes home and tells you he wants to quit work to do voluntary work? After all, it's ok for you to do that?

Oh, and he needs to pull his weight with housework.

Original poster
hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 20:36

That's not entirely fair, Nick, if my husband had ever given the slightest indication he wasn't supportive of me then I wouldn't even think of doing it.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 13/01/2017 20:37

How's it not fair? If he wanted to do the same would you support him?

Chelazla · 13/01/2017 20:38

Hunting I think I get what you mean no technically it's not full time but it's 5 days and having to sort the children out in the morning, collecting them etc, by the time you've done it feels full time. I only work 3 days but the hour in the morning is more stressful and fraught than every other hour of the put together. I have a great job hours wise. If I could quit I would. I also don't get why out earning your partner rocks? Why does it matter?

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 13/01/2017 20:38

DH really DOES work 'full time' hmm so he doesn't do housework. That's my job.

What exactly are his full time hours? I'm thinking it must be in the region of 100 hours pw to justify totally checking out on housework.

Original poster
hurtingbackachingheart · 13/01/2017 20:38

As far as I could, yes. But my point was that you are being unfair as you are making out I am arm twisting a reluctant DH so I can give up work, if anything it is the other way around.

OP posts:
Chelazla · 13/01/2017 20:39

I also don't get why everyone is niggling the dh he seems like he's happy to do what his wife wants how is he the baddie?

TheClacksAreDown · 13/01/2017 20:39

Are your other interests going to lead to new work opportunities that you will be able to afford to do with flex for the kids? Because mumsnet is strewn with the bodies of careers that women had and that they gave up for family ease and not much making much after costs, and then down the track they find they cannot get back properly into work that reflects their education and prior experience. Meanwhile their husbands are unencumbered by wife work and free to concentrate hard on their careers.

So think long term OP, not just whether life would be a bit easier this year.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/01/2017 20:41

So he does a few more hours than you, gets out of housework and wants you to give up work. Bollocks to that. You have a DH problem not a work problem. You do t solve that by giving up work. Far from it.

bloodyteenagers · 13/01/2017 20:41

He needs to back off. He isn't your boss and should not be pressuring you to give up work to be the good little wife tied to the kitchen sink.
At the moment you have financial freedom. That's what yo u are risking. You are giving up the time you have with other adults. Your independence. You give up work and you will be at home. That will be it. No doing the things you want to do.
Then what's to stop him quibbling all the spends? He puts you on an allowance. Do ou really want to risk that?
You say he's a nice man and great husband and dad yadda yadda. Not really. Applying pressure for his own needs isn't a nice person. Having someone slave after their arse isn't a nice person.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 13/01/2017 20:43

I also don't get why everyone is niggling the dh he seems like he's happy to do what his wife wants how is he the baddie?

He does zero housework.

He wants the OP to give up work so she can devote herself to playing house and make life easier (for him).

MsVTired · 13/01/2017 20:43

I don't think your husband should be pressurising you to resign but tbh it sounds like you really do want to stop working. There are many SAHMs on mumsnet that love being at home with the children and pursuing hobbies so i don't know why your getting a bit hard time!

Chelazla · 13/01/2017 20:43

A husband problem! She wants to quit work, he says ok, it makes life smoother, not he's horrible!! WTF! If he'd said no way, we'd be telling her he's emotionally abusive!

ilovesooty · 13/01/2017 20:44

a husband who is pressuring me to resign

That isn't necessarily supportive. It depends what his motives are.