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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be angry at DH and find this very unfair?

74 replies

proclaimingthesame · 12/01/2017 17:19

DH and I own a successful business together. We recently decided to sell it for quite a lot of money (this will be a turning point in our life, financially) and an old contact of mine has come forward with a buyer.

The buyer is a bit of a misogynist and over the last week, while agreeing the terms of the sale, he has been taking DH out drinking to "chat shop" and DH has been coming back in the early hours about five nights since last week.

DH is agreeing he is a misogynist and stressing that he and I need to "work together" and just get the sale finished and then we can celebrate. My part, I presume is sitting in the house with the DCs waiting to hear when DH will be coming back and waiting to hear what's going on. I understand this and have understood it for the last five nights.

But tonight it has happened again. The buyer is bringing all of his partners. DH is rushing around trying to get ready to meet them. I suggested we get a babysitter and I come along. He said "what? Four men and you? That'll be weird and won't help me to close."

Of course I lost it, even though I don't think DH meant it like that. We have had a furious wats app conversation while he is in the meeting and he is telling me to please just shut up so he can close this deal.

AIBU and what should I do? Do I have to put my personal feelings of exclusion aside?

OP posts:

Snap8TheCat · 12/01/2017 17:22

Seems like the buyer isn't the only misogynist, I'm sorry.

JaffaCakesForBreakfast · 12/01/2017 17:23

Sorry, I agree with Snap :(

ToadsforJustice · 12/01/2017 17:23

Can he close the deal without your consent or signature?

MsGameandWatch · 12/01/2017 17:25

AIBU and what should I do? Do I have to put my personal feelings of exclusion aside?

I would. Then I would come down on him like ten tons of bricks.

EweAreHere · 12/01/2017 17:25

Tell him you may be taking your half and starting over with someone who considers you an equal in life.

Greyponcho · 12/01/2017 17:27

If this guy buys at the price you want, who cares whether he likes women or not - you're both after his money, not his morals. It's worth letting this slide and just let your husband get on with it if it results in an outcome you both want..
I would not be saying this if it were a case of this guy being brought onboard as a business partner, that'd be a deal breaker for me.

ThePinkOcelot · 12/01/2017 17:28

Of the business is half yours, you should have been involved in all aspects of the sale.

dollydaydream114 · 12/01/2017 17:28

I'm not remotely convinced that 'closing the deal' on the sale of your business genuinely does require five nights of drinking until the early hours of the morning. I don't the deal would actually be sealed on that basis; either it's a sound business prospect for the buyer or it's not. Please tell me they're going to grim lapdancing clubs or something...

I can see that your DH would just want to get the business sold so you'll have the money and bring about the financial turning point you're looking for ... but it does also rather sound like he's enjoying the boys' club thing a bit too much.

Assuming he's never had this sort of attitude before, let's hope it's just a blip and that once the sale goes through he won't continue to be a dick.

SortedwishIwas · 12/01/2017 17:30

Can you not see your own husband is a misogynist?

Hoppinggreen · 12/01/2017 17:30

Are you a shareholder?
If so you will have to agree with everything so you need to be involved
Having said that, if the best chance of a good price is for your DH to handle it then in your position I might put up with it, it's not right but it sounds like that's how it is.
I own a company with my DH and if it were me I would probably justly keep my eye on the prize. I wouldn't put up with that shitty attitude from him though, I would expect him to be supportive.

BeachysSnowyWellieBoots · 12/01/2017 17:31

To be honest, in the long run, the best idea is to get the most appropriate person to close the deal as well as possible for the best price he or she can.

If the buyer had preferred to deal with you and you had the better relationship, then it may well have been you doing the negotiating....

As long as he keeps you in the loop and you can provide input and ideas behind the scene, then I think it's ok.

Obviously the purchaser is a misogynist wanker, but if he's happy to pay, take his money

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 12/01/2017 17:32

I'd be concerned that potential buyer is taking your husband out repeatedly, I assume drinking, and that DH s negotiating skills are being dulled by alcohol.
No final deal under such circumstances is likely to be to your advantage

Dieu · 12/01/2017 17:33

Who cares. It's a means to an end, really.

gamerchick · 12/01/2017 17:35

Yeah that's exactly what's happening. Screwing you over more likely.

Can you tell him you wont agree to anything without you being present, can he do it all without your say so?

Foxysoxy01 · 12/01/2017 17:36

Your DH obviously doesn't think of you as his equal at all.

I don't know what to suggest really you can't change how he thinks of you.

It really doesn't matter what this buyer thinks of you, if your DH thought the business was both of yours and you were both equal he wouldn't have done anything without including you as you would be having an equal input and making a joint decision with him.

the only thing you can do is talk to him, tell him how you feel but It's too late you now include you anyway and it doesn't stop him obviously not believing you are equal underneath it all.

gamerchick · 12/01/2017 17:36

Alcohol can make even the smartest person stupid. The buyer is wanting to get the best deal for him.

Pettywoman · 12/01/2017 17:38

In this instance I'd suck it up and take the money. Yes it is sexist and I would be pissed off but at least you don't have to work with this guy long term.

If your DH shows ongoing twattishness then deal with that when it happens.

jansus23 · 12/01/2017 17:39

I hope you have a proper legal representative involved in valuing the business and acting on your behalf as otherwise this could get messy. Trust me it's not just about handing over money . Been there .

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 12/01/2017 17:39

Do you have female staff who would have to work with this misogynist? That would bother me.

Foxysoxy01 · 12/01/2017 17:40

I would also wonder if your DH is having his head turned with all this wine and dining and if the buyer knows or thinks he will get a better deal by flattering his ego a bit?

SugarMiceInTheRain · 12/01/2017 17:43

How sure are you that the buyer isn't just hoping that lots of nights out drinking with your DH will help him negotiate a lower sum?

If the deal genuinely is really close and this is the last time he'll need to go out with this misogynistic idiot, then I'd try to let it slide - as long as your DH makes sure he gets the money you want out of the deal.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/01/2017 17:44

It's a means to an end. Annoying, but so what in the long run as long as you get what you want.

shovetheholly · 12/01/2017 17:46

If it's taking 5 nights to close a deal, then he's not doing a very good job of 'closing' with this misogynist setup, is he?

I'd be suggesting he needed some help!

BillSykesDog · 12/01/2017 17:47

FFS. Mumsnet sometimes.

You have worked with your husband presumably as an equal over a number of years building up a business. You have never felt before that he treats you as less than equal because you are a woman right? If so I think you can safely ignore all the people on here telling you he is a misogynist and to LTB.

It might not feel nice, but what do you want to do? Insist he takes you along and for the sake of your principles either lose the deal or get bad terms? Unfortunately because the buyer is a misogynist this may be the best way to handle him. I think you need to look past this to what the deal is going to bring you afterwards. It's shit but unfortunately probably unavoidable. And this man will be out of your lives soon.

Chippednailvarnishing · 12/01/2017 17:48

There is no fucking way that there would be any negotiation without me being there, the whole thing sounds crap.

Lawyer up and be prepared to be seen as the difficult woman.

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