We have been officially separated a few weeks and although I instigated a break to think, he ultimately ended it.
We have two DCs, one 5 and one 6 months. The eldest adores dad and I don't have concerns about contact, however with the baby things are more complicated as DC was born with a severe condition limiting the life expectancy to an average of 20/30 although it is common for much younger children to lose their battles. Much of keeping the baby healthy involves rigorous therapy and medication, all of which I have administered since birth and ex has played a very small role (I'd ask him to give DC medicine but I would need to draw up syringes etc.) and knows very little about what DC truly needs to keep healthy. I am also still breastfeeding and DC will not take much expressed milk from a bottle which is another concern as putting on enough weight is also crucial to keeping DC healthy and I also am unable to pump very much at times (ex says he will get formula and is not listening to me that breast milk is better for her with the antibodies etc.)
I am reluctant to give contact to ex with the baby as I have never left them alone before and the baby will not settle for any one but me and screams after about 5 minutes of being held by ex. I am also worried he may forget medication or take the baby somewhere too risky for the condition (there are lots of places deemed too high a risk). I also feel devastated at giving up time with the baby not knowing what the future holds.
We started off still doing things as a family but it seems he is trying to date again and this has changed his attitude towards me, he sends me vile texts blaming everything on me, I've ruined the children's lives etc. and I don't feel comfortable spending time the 4 of us anymore let alone the damage it might do for our eldest to see us at each others throats. He is now threatening court to be given unsupervised access as he 'can't stand me' to spend any time with me while eldest is at school with baby.
What do I do??