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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask a really daft question about what happens re : after school when kids reach secondary age?

140 replies

NotTheMrMenAgain · 10/01/2017 21:55

Hello, I know this sounds daft but I really don't know what's meant to happen re: after school care once kids start secondary school.

When I'm at work DD8 is collected by my parents or in laws (my DH usually works away). If they can't collect her I can use the after school club.

But what about at secondary? Do secondary age kids normally get collected? I'm fairly sure secondary schools don't run wrap around care! Surely 11 or 12 is far too young to have house key and be alone until I get home?

I had a key but my DM was at home, and I don't know how it works for working parents.

Please can somebody come and explain it to me? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Brokenbiscuit · 11/01/2017 08:26

Just to add, I'd be happy for dd to walk home from homework club or other after school clubs in the summer, but collect her in the winter as I don't like the idea of her walking in the dark.

corythatwas · 11/01/2017 13:42

Mindtrope Wed 11-Jan-17 06:54:27

"I feel at 11 kids still need support and a warm welcome home."

At 11, fond as I was of my family, what I really relished was a few hours of peace, first dabs on the record player and the chance to fix myself something in the kitchen.

Children are all different. My dn was also very much the nice-to-have-a-bit-of-space type, as is ds. Dd more of the clingy type.

Mindtrope · 11/01/2017 13:51

cory- my kids are not clingy- just busy.

Four nights a week we have a very quick turnaround, main meal at 4.30 and out again at 5pm for their activities, till 8 or 9pm.

cornflowerblu · 11/01/2017 13:51

Mine doesn't get home until nearly 5, school finishes at 4 and is often alone for about 30 minutes max. I have to be honest, that until the end of year 8 (year 9 now) I preferred that there weren't home alone for more than an hour or so, especially in the winter when it was dark.

lalalalyra · 11/01/2017 13:53

Do no-one elses kids go out after school anymore?

Mine usually get the bus home from school, but sometimes they walk with friends. DD2 gets door-to-door transport for health reasons, but has opted to use the school bus like DD1 and DS1. They come in for around 20 seconds to change out of their embarassing uniforms and then they raid some food from the kitchen and head out with their mates.

They either come home for dinner at 6.30, come home when they need a lift to a club or they stay out til curfew (they are allowed to skip dinner if they tell us the day before).

If they do come home straight from school then they are straight on Skype with their school pals (we live quite rurally, so although we're in town their friends can live miles away) to talk about this month's crush or something hideously unfair that a teacher did or are tormenting our cats with singstar.

I'm usually home now, but I generally don't see them for more than 20 seconds until dinner - if they have friends waiting they sometimes don't even open the living room door. In fact when I had to take their 8yo brother to hospital they didn't even find the note telling them where I was until they were looking for food!

cornflowerblu · 11/01/2017 13:59

lala what do they do with their friends after school? Mine don't see friends after school Monday - Thursday. School finishes at 4, they're home by 5 as they faff about in town buying sweets or missing the bus and then I certainly don't want them out in the dark in winter. There's plenty of homework and footy training / Dof E that they need to get on with and they're tired. I'm happy for them to see friends after school on a Friday but not on other school days.

School holidays are problematic. IMO they're definitely too young to be left all day in years 7 & 8 and in year 9 I'd prefer that they have some arrangements with a friend to break up the day. I've just started working from home so that I can be around in the holidays albeit having to pop out for meetings.

corythatwas · 11/01/2017 14:05

Sorry, Mindtrope, didn't mean to suggest your children were clingy, thinking entirely about dd at that point.

Mindtrope · 11/01/2017 14:05

NP cory.

lalalalyra · 11/01/2017 14:09

cornflowerblu They go to the library, swimming, the gym, to a friends house to annoy their pets with singstar or head to whatever club is on that night together.

I don't change where they are allowed to go when it's dark tbh. It just changes how they get there/get home. So in summer they walk to and from guides with their friends, in winter they get the bus and they have to go in a group. They walk home from school in the dark in winter and a lot of kids around here seem to go straight home from school and stay home. I don't want them sitting around all winter like my friends kids tbh. They just get on with things in the same way as normal, but changing the transport mode.

A lot of people think I'm a shockingly bad parent though because mine don't get driven to/from all of their clubs. It's just not possible with 4 of them being of age to have clubs and the likes. The 8yo gets taken and collected most places - the teens go to and from places by themselves by walking or bus (there's a bus stop at the end of our street so they can get buses easily).

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 11/01/2017 15:03

lala that sounds great. It's a good few years til mine will be that sort of age, but I hope to be able to allow for something similar.

WhatHaveIFound · 11/01/2017 15:11

My DC do a variety of after school clubs/sports and the rule is that if one of them is staying, the other one has to as well.

Thankfully they're allowed to work in the library or IT rooms but generally they hang around in the locker room until i pick them up at 5.30pm

Stingray2008 · 11/01/2017 15:15

My 11 year old does go out sometimes after school but as we dont earn much we dont have money to give her to go to things often other than the odd tenner for a trip to town at the weekend to go swimming and for a kfc. She doesnt do any clubs but does go to friends after school. Most of her mates have to be home from school monday to thursday so if she isnt at theirs shes home doing her homework and chatting to them on skype.

lalalalyra · 11/01/2017 15:21

neilwilsons I think the key is to build up to it. My 8yo has a house key. It's attached to his school bag. His school is a 5 minute walk away so most days he walks home himself and lets himself in. There is always someone here when he gets here, but it's a start on the process.

Personally I don't think children are any less safe now than they were when I was younger. The dangers are different - more traffic for example, but less 'shit I missed my bus and I've no way to contact home'. So it's a balance.

My best friend at school was absolutely mollycoddled as a child/teen and then when we hit 21 she was expected to function as an adult, but she was left absolutely clueless. Even now in her mid-thirties going anywhere in the dark (even by taxi) leaves her shaking because she was constantly told how dangerous it was.

scrabble1 · 11/01/2017 16:03

Agrees. Our ds will be just 11 in September and due to SN not able to cope responsibly home alone. Hence I am sahm

GlitterNails · 11/01/2017 18:43

Cad - And I walked home from age 11 'all through the 90s', came home to an empty house and don't have mental health issues. It was normal and fine and lots of my friends did the same.

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