AIBU to ask a really daft question about what happens re : after school when kids reach secondary age?

[NotTheMrMenAgain]

Hello, I know this sounds daft but I really don't know what's meant to happen re: after school care once kids start secondary school.

When I'm at work DD8 is collected by my parents or in laws (my DH usually works away). If they can't collect her I can use the after school club.

But what about at secondary? Do secondary age kids normally get collected? I'm fairly sure secondary schools don't run wrap around care! Surely 11 or 12 is far too young to have house key and be alone until I get home?

I had a key but my DM was at home, and I don't know how it works for working parents.

Please can somebody come and explain it to me? Thanks in advance.

I walked home alone to an empty house. My mum got in at about 6.30. I loved it! Peace and quiet, toast and biscuits, TV, reading, maybe my homework, put the dinner on. This would have been 90s-00s and was normal, although not universal, among my peers.

Mine came home to me and a home cooked meal waiting.
I feel at 11 kids still need support and a warm welcome home.

Holidays - yes not sure what we are going to do. Seems mean that he is going to be at home for 9 hours a day alone. Currently researching any sort of activities for over 12s and there isn't much

That's lovely mindtrope but kids also need that warm welcome home to be paid for, which means going to work for more than the hours they are at school
Fuck sake

When we were kids we would have friends over in the holidays all day if their parents were working. It wasn't a big deal. I wonder whether that still happens?

gallavich no need to be rude.

Of course money has to be earned. I have earned since mine were babies.

Both are possible.

I can only speak for myself as my two older children all went to school within walking distance from home, and I still had to collect my youngest from primary. Some problems with that was loss of house keys until I got a key safe.

Myself, during the seventies, I had to get a bus home and I still have nightmares about it. It really was stressful for me (if I missed it, it was a long walk home and I lived in a town in Northern Ireland that did have bombings frequently). Perhaps this shaped the way I looked at my children coming home from secondary school. However, I did enjoy the freedom of getting into the house and making my own toast and tea.

Sorry, meant to add, I recommend a key safe, giving some money to spend in a shop on the way home (not much, maybe a pound a day). Homework clubs are there, but some children don't like them. Strict rules within the house, i.e. no other children. If they do go to extra curricular activities, then teachers may well assume that the child is being collected, especially during the dark winter months.

Really? I'm a single parent living in the south east, I'd love to know how I can support my household working school hours only
Not possible. Your judgement is obvious and unpleasant.

Mine walk home and let themselves in twice a week for two hours, have done since end of year 6, and we live quite isolated.
Agree half terms are the worst. Praying it doesn't snow as they may shut the schools and I will still have to go to work.

gallavich, it was you who swore at me.

I'd love to know how I can support my household working school hours only

I take it that was a sarcastic comment rather than a genuine question.

Several of our secondary schools have homework and activity clubs. It's something I'm going to take into consideration when choosing DS's school.

DS was 11 in early summer and now gets the bus home, lets himself in and sorts himself out. I was massively worried about it and completely wrong. There is a hidden key for emergencies, he is familiar with house rules. He texts me when he gets home and I ring if I can got a quick chat at 4.30ish.
His school is open until 6, with clubs until 4.30 then library time available.

Ha ha. What VintagePerfumista said

Our secondary has an after school club for years 7-9. It runs until 6pm and pupils can do their homework, or play table tennis, or watchbfilms etc. It runs in the Youth Club which is on the school site. We live in a rural area where lots of kids can't get home if they stay for an afterschool activity eg sport, because there are no buses and they might live 7 or 8 miles away.

I used the after school clubfoot ds1 because he was quite immature both chronologically (summer holiday birthday so only just turned 11 when he started secondary) and socially/emotionally. He was not ready to be left for 3 hours home alone on days I worked. When he was ready, he stopped going.

DS2 never needed it even if ds1 wasn't at home as he was far more mature and able to safely be left at home without supervision.

Not every child is ready to be left at home unsupervised at the age of 11.

I got a 50 minute bus, had a 30 minute walk home then usually had to face the wrath of my drunk mother and clean up all the stuff she'd broken. When my dad got home I could let him take over and then I could attempt to feed myself and do some homework.

I don't worry about my own children letting themselves into their lovely, safe house and pottering around watching TV and making toast, knowing that at some point a sane adult will come home and ask about their day.

11/12 is plenty old enough to be at home by themselves for a while.

That's what mine will be doing.

I was staying at home alone much younger than that because my mother worked full time and I refused to go to holiday care. I survived (and this wasn't 50 years ago when the perceived danger of being home alone was much less).

Parents do have to work, both of mine were teachers, I fully understood this. Children can walk home from school and let themselves in. I hate the term 'latch key kids'. Secondary school is all about gaining independence and preparation for adult life. Please OP do not feel guilty about this. It works out perfectly well if you put in rules beforehand. Yes to texts, sometimes though their phone is off, factor this in!

My YR 7 11 comes home to an empty house - as I have to go and pick younger children up.

Secondary school does run homework club and other clubs till 5.00 pm. Still a lot of her friends are going home to empty houses rather than stopping - one is often letting in her younger brother on days their mum works - it's not every day. Another did another spend a term doing a club then coming home with eldest and hanging round for tea.

It's nothing new as DH had two working parents and came home to an empty house and spent long school holidays entertaining himself - think he liked that as MIL like him out teh house all day when she was around so at least he could read in his room.

www.amazon.co.uk/ID-Card-Holder-Lanyard-Strap/dp/B00XPI4SLQ/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1484120258&sr=8-6&keywords=id+holders have one of these for her - school has a card for stuff she had to have and the house key goes on the hook.

I'm not so sure about school holidays - I really want to go back to work full time but can't see leaving them all day - especially as next child along isn't far off secondary and I think two might fight.

Other do it by working p-t - having other family members or neighbours check on them - I don't know any left all day by themselves - so that more of a problem for us.

Dd had a key and let herself in from 11.

One thing we did was install a key safe to the house wall. With a combination lock. So if she lost her key she could still get in. Needed it a few times.

My teen would probably love to let herself in and enjoy the peace. But as she has two younger siblings I'm still at home with them.
At her school they have clubs most days available til 4.30 and once up the school a bit they have study support classes til 5 some days. Her friends whose parents work used to come here often age 12/13 but now She is more likely to go to theirs to enjoy the child free space.
By the time the littler ones go to high school DH will hopefully be retired and I will be offf working full time. That's the plan anyway...
Although I wouldn't say it was harmful to be alone every day after school,and I coped too as a child coming home and letting myself in, I have really found my tween/teens benefit from having me around for them too- for stressful days or help with study or lifts for them and their friends. I do feel me being home benefits them still although I'd have not been able to be a sahm just for them. It's worked out well though for us and them.

DS1 (12) goes to school 15 miles away in a city centre location which he catches the bus to and from, as most of the children do. If he is together enough to navigate himself through a city centre location, travelling between different sites during the day, then my view is that he can be left alone at home after school and I wouldn't have an issue doing that. He is left alone for odd days during the holidays if both DH and I have to be at work.

I do believe that it's important to give children that independence - if not at 11/12 for small things, then when do you start?

DS only has a 5 min walk to school so is home before me and younger siblings are back from school run. He lets himself in potters/reads/has a snack/starts home wk etc. I am trying to persuade him to go to some afterschool clubs as I'd like to work a few more hours with younger sibs in afterschool club at primary.

My dd is 11 and in year 7. She is very sensible.

She has a half hour walk to and from school, which she does with a friend. Twice a week, she goes back to my mum and dad's after school, and I work flexibly so that I can be home when she gets home on one day each week. In theory, dh is supposed to work from home on the other two days so that there should be someone at home when she comes in, but he has been travelling so much recently that it hasn't really worked out that way. We have therefore given dd the option of letting herself in with a key and being home alone for an hour or so until I get home (with me and her grandparents contactable if needed), or going to the homework club in school till 5pm and being collected then.She seems happy enough to be home alone, but on most occasions, she chooses homework club. Occasionally, she wants to go to homework club even on the days when she is due at her grandparents, as she likes to finish her work at school and then relax.

The club is very flexible and informal, and the kids can go as and when they feel like it, without pre-booking. It does cost £3 per session (3pm to 5pm) but that includes a snack and there are staff on hand to help with homework if needed. They can also print stuff out, and I think they offer an activity of some sort if the kids finish their work early, or they can play on the computers/read etc. I believe it's free for families on lower incomes, so all in all, pretty good.

Not RTFT but OP, I had exactly the same worries you had. For me it worked out well because I ended up working from home most of the time when ds was in Y6. I still have to go into the office occasionally so when I have to go out, he has to be up and ready to leave the house at the same time as I am so I know all he has to do is pick up his bag and go, but can watch the TV until he's ready to go. Rules = SHUT THE DOOR, turn the TV and lights off and don't be late for school. He's 14 and can walk to school. He has a key so can let himself in if I am later back from work (or somewhere else) than he is.

A work colleague has two children who I think are about 11 and 13. She goes out when they are still in bed and leaves them with a checklist to fill in to make sure they've done everything they need to. They get the bus to school from outside the house.

DS school has a library and various after-school activities. When he had only just started there I asked him to stay at school on the days I was going to be in the office so we'd get home around the same time. But now he's older he can let himself in and raid the fridge I think the majority of kids at his school get themselves to and from school - but at the other secondary school in the town parents drive more as the catchment is less walk-friendly. The kids don't seem to be too embarrassed by their parents round here.

Holidays are a pain if you are FT office/work location based. My ds has done a few holiday activities which are for older kids but now he's 14 they're drying up too. So it's xbox, TV and stay out of my way when I am working. And he goes to my mum's for a week in the summer holidays as well and then I take the opportunity to go into the office more full-time.