AIBU to ask a really daft question about what happens re : after school when kids reach secondary age?

[NotTheMrMenAgain]

Hello, I know this sounds daft but I really don't know what's meant to happen re: after school care once kids start secondary school.

When I'm at work DD8 is collected by my parents or in laws (my DH usually works away). If they can't collect her I can use the after school club.

But what about at secondary? Do secondary age kids normally get collected? I'm fairly sure secondary schools don't run wrap around care! Surely 11 or 12 is far too young to have house key and be alone until I get home?

I had a key but my DM was at home, and I don't know how it works for working parents.

Please can somebody come and explain it to me? Thanks in advance.

Ime you practice the school walk/bus/cycle over the summer holidays, practice using a new door key, choose a key ring and then keep your fingers crossed!

I had younger ones when older ones were around secondary age so,just kep,the nanny on. When youngest started, older ones were able to take responsibility although we had a 'housekeeper' who also kept a discreet eye on the children and did odd bit of driving.

My youngest is 11. I went into hospital last year and for a few days she was coming home and letting herself in (dp and teen at work but on way home).

Honestly, she just came home, ate the entire contents of the fridge and then watched tv or went on her laptop.

She's at middle school and is quite used to walking home alone. She has a set of keys and a phone.

Our school has various after school clubs and homework club which finish around 4.30. Then kids either walk home or are picked up by parents. We certainly don't escort them out and wait for them you be picked up.
If there are any problems though (lost key, missed bus), we do try to contact home, we're not that unsympathetic!

Some go to the library or similar for a bit, but mostly I guess get home at fourish and relax until parents come home. My dd1 would have been too anxious to be home alone then, whereas dd2 might have coped. Don't worry about it yet though! You also have to be aware that if they do after school clubs, its not so great walking home alone in the dark at 4.30 or 5 in winter and our school discourage it for our year 7s.

DDs school has "homework club" till 5. What that means in practice is that the DC sit in a class or the library and complete their homework with a member of staff checking in on them. Many families use it to replace wrap around in the early days of secondary.

They come home on their own, on the school bus with no adult supervision and all types of shirt going on, raid the cupboards for biscuits & crisps, do zero homework and spend 2 hrs on the PlayStation instead
You just have to hope they don't do anything stupid and burn the house down etc unhelpful

They hang around in town with their mates and smoke or was that just me 😳

My DD is in Y7, just turned 12 this month. She lets herself in, locks the door behind her, and does homework, watches TV or plays on the computer until I get home.
At first she was fine, but since the evenings have been darker, she's a bit nervous about being in the house on her own, so I make sure I'm home by about 4 or 4.15 (so she's only alone for about 30 minutes). Luckily I've been able to go in to work earlier so that I can get home early.

Mine used to come home, throw clothes around, switch on all the lights, empty the fridge and when I got in they looked like this:

🙊

I would look at what after school club and/or library provision there was.

I think though that most walk/bus themselves home, let themselves in and are home alone for a couple of hours.

They come home alone. There is a big difference between 8 and 11. I've started leaving my nearly 11yo home alone for an hour or so very recently. I would not leave my 8yo. I've found you can never imagine letting them do stuff until they actually get to the appropriate age. Like when they were toddlers I couldn't imagine letting them play in the (fenced) garden unsupervised, but of course they do now. Don't worry about it until nearer the time.

None of DDs friends (yr7) are routinely collected unless they are staying at a club in winter past dark, in which case we share lifts between the parents of the group who stay.

Otherwise they bumble their way home - DD gets in about 4. If I'm not here, she'll let herself eat, grab some crisps or something and play on her tablet till I do.

DS (10, yr6) sometimes does the same. Panic would only set in if everything ran out of battery and the wifi went off...!

I got the bus home and let myself in. I also had to lock up on a morning. All fine, but my dog kept me company. Pretty standard.

I think DC1 might have to keep going to after school club until DC2 joins her at secondary in just under 2 year's time to double the odds of one of them having a key and / or a charged and working mobile... Just because school is so far away and we live in the middle of nowhere... That may be ostrich thinking though...

bedtime, it sounds like the arrangement you had worked fine except on this one occasion when she forgot her key? And she didn't panic but sensibly sat outside the house and waited for you? I don't think I'd change the arrangement entirely just because of one error.

Mine are upper sixth now, but I remember noticing there was a bit in the letter home to parents re possible school closure due to snow about Year 7 and 8 having to be picked up by parents. So clearly they vaguely thought 11 and 12 year olds still need some sort of supervision. Although like all secondaries they merrily let them walk home if they're not in the school bus brigade, via Tesco, One Stop, The Gardens and The Churchyard, aka the sources of Monster Energy Drink, chocolate and crisps, and places of consumption of said Monster Energy Drink, chocolate and crisps.

It depends on the maturity of the child rather than chronological age. My DC is adopted so has quite a few issues with emotional delay, inability to transfer 'common sense' between different situations, loses things all the bloody time! I can't even let them stay downstairs when I have a shower as they will steal money, eat any sugar available. Basically has issues with self-regulation and impulse control. None of this is blatantly apparent to the casual observer as they are articulate, academically able and self-confident.

They are in year 8 now. From the start of year 7 and going to secondary school I walked them to and from the bus stop. Gradually gave them more independence and by the end of year 7 they were walking on their own to the bus stop and back. I picked them up from school on the days they were doing after school clubs.

I do rely on the after school clubs and the school library. the library is open until 4.30pm and the after school stuff between 4-4.30pm. Sometimes they have to go to the library if I'm not around until 4.30pm. It's a god send.

My child could not manage being in the house alone, being responsible for hanging on to a key. They are on their 4th set of school locker padlocks due to losing keys!

So, depends on the child, not the age.

Most people take the view that an 11yo is Ok to be at home safely in their house with a key for an hour or so.

Why is this far too young? I started leaving my DC at home for short periods at their request from about 9yo, eg while I took another child to football practice up the road. They all had keys by 10yo - because by then DS2 was the only one at primary and now and then he got home before his siblings.

It's fine OP, your DD is only 8, believe me, she will be ready by secondary. I would start with letting her walk home with mates if practicable from yr 5.

Some schools run a HW club btw eg till about 4/4.30, or there are sometimes sports/music clubs (certainly at my DCs' school) - but again usually only for three-quarters of an hour or so.

"I presume someone is there to let them in - at least for Year 7 age anyway." - I find this astonishing - why would you presume there is someone at home? Lots of families need both parents to work. And why does there need to be someone?

Wow! I'm surprised how normal ppl think coming home to an empty house is. Me n my mates all walked home, pretty much straight home (via shop for sweets) and then home to a parent. This was in the 90S granted but I'm surprised to see how much has changed. No wonder there's so much mental health issues in kids. Making ne really cross!

They grow up surprisingly quickly and happy to let themselves in and happily manage for an hour or just over (obviously with conditions I.e. Lock the front door, don't let anyone in, don't try and cook anything etc).

Mine would either stay after school for sports, go to a friends or just come home. At age 11 they were perfectly capable of getting themselves something to eat until DH and I got home at 7. Why do some people think this is a problem? What are you meant to do when you get home from work until 7?

Yep, loads of evidence that it's coming home alone that causes mental health issues. Coming home to a parent clearly didn't do much for your reasoning skills.

Mine has just started. I can pick her up sometimes, but mostly she comes back with friend, sometimes on own by public transport (1hr 15min). We are lucky that someone can be in. But we also have our childminder from primary, who is happy for her to sit there and watch TV if we're not. Also she can go to friends / or friend come here if no parent in. Sometimes meet her in cafe rather than doing last bit of journey on her own. She is meant to stay late for extra curricular one day a week, but we have asked school for her to leave at usual time while it is still dark - they are happy with that.