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Original poster

Sleep baby fucking sleep

136 replies

sleeplesshell · 10/01/2017 20:40

Why will my 10 month old not fucking sleep!!! She's not slept more than an hour in 5 months and I'm losing my mind!!! She's treating bedtime like a nap and is up until midnight every.single.night. I'm so fucking frustrated. I've tried it all and no joy. Not a minute to myself ever.

OP posts:
bluebellsparklypants · 14/01/2017 21:03

Feel for you 💐 It's hard getting no down time or sleep
My DS 14 months & we still co sleep and feed through the night. They go through sleep regressions, I've also read when their learning new things during the day they are excited about and this can stop them being rested at night. Also if you know her sleep cycle I've read that just slightly disturbing them - not waking them (no no no!) but a slight rock where they just stir disturbs the sleep cycle meaning the go off in to the deep sleep again.
We've done 2 naps day but just dropped late afternoon as it was taking him ages to go off at bedtime but at your Dd age maybe she's alittle over tired as pp have suggested. I found a sling helped aswel. Good luck with this phase it will pass

bluebellsparklypants · 14/01/2017 21:06

Silverdream
Put it soo much better than me regarding sleep cycle!

Shitemum · 14/01/2017 21:16

Roughly speaking babies will cry when they wake if the conditions they fell asleep in have changed - i.e. if you lie next to them while they fall asleep and aren't there when they wake, if you feed them to sleep, if they fell asleep in one place and wake in another, if the light is on and then its off etc etc...
I did the (now discredited) Ferber method on DD1 when she was 3 months old. It took a few days and she never cried for longer than 10 minutes at a time before I went in, reassured her quietly and went out again. She thereafter went to sleep on her own and slept through the night (with a couple of feeds). She's 13 now and seems fine so I don't think I've damaged her by doing this!

I didn't even bother trying with DD2 because I was so knackered, had undiagnosed PND and had to attend to DD1 too.
Try the Ferber method. You will need a timer, nerves of steel, a partner who is on board and wont sabotage it and a very strong vision of how it will be worth it.

Bibblewanda · 14/01/2017 21:33

She won't sleep because she hasn't learnt to self soothe.

My ds was up every hour and took 2 hours to go to sleep. Was hell. I felt genuinely suicidal.

Did controlled crying, worked in 2 days, never looked back. Don't know why I didn't do it earlier. It works. He's so much happier with proper sleep as well.

Bibblewanda · 14/01/2017 21:34

And we did the Ferber timings too. Don't really give a shit re the flamings you get on here for it, my son needed a sane and fully functioning mother. And more importantly, he needed sleep.

SilverdaleGlen · 14/01/2017 21:43

Please don't self diagnose intolerances, you'll end up with a restricted diet when it's just that some babies just don't fucking sleep!

I had two sleepers and one that nearly killed me. Middle daughter was on a 45m sleep cycle until about 12 months and remained a nightmare though slightly better until around two and a half. She's 4 now and is the best sleeper of the three to give you a little hope! Goes off at 7.30pm and can snore until 9am!

I'd say do what gets you through it, sleep when she sleeps, sleep when she's awake but quietly playing (is she screaming?? Do you have to be awake?) Consider introducing one bottle a night your DH can do while you go in the spare room or on the sofa!!

Mostly hold tight, it gets better, I swear it does!

purplecat27 · 14/01/2017 21:50

I also have a 10 month old who's sleep has gone to shit recently. Getting her to go to sleep can be a real battle of up to an hour+ of rocking, feeding and singing, and she wakes a few nights a week wide awake in the middle of the night for up to 2 hours and is climbing all over me. I'm convinced it's developmental, she's recently learnt to pull herself up and I think she's also on the cusp of her first meaningful words. In a way this is comforting, as it probably means it's a transient thing and will hopefully settle until her next leap forward in development! She sleeps in a side-car cot by our bed and comes into the bed for parts of the night to breastfeed, she'll sometimes roll back to her cot of her own accord afterwards or she'll stay asleep next to me.

I work in CAMHS and having done a fair amount of reading on the biological norm for humans and sleep training techniques, I've come to the conclusion that controlled crying and similar is absolutely not for us (unless perhaps I felt my own mental health was at risk). From what I've read an average 10 month old should sleep for around 13 hours in 24, with around 11 of these hours overnight. I use this as a kind of goal to work towards, I want my lo to get up about 7.30 so I try to get her down for about 8.30, I wonder if maybe your lo isn't quite ready to sleep when you're trying to get her down early but might be more ready a bit later? We usually start the night time routine of bath, dressed, books in bed at 8ish, then I go to feed/rock.sing her to sleep about 20 past. It doesn't always work out and sometimes she's not asleep until past 10(!), but maybe trying a bit later might work for you?

Chestyb · 14/01/2017 22:32

Hello poor tired mum. Oh how I sympathize. So, Indon't believe in sleep training (keep your comments to yourself earth mothers). However, after two years of of something similar to what you are going through my son miraculously started sleeping well. It's hell when it's happening but it won't last forever. Despite everyone's judgemental tutting I ended up cosleepjng and it was a great decision (I wish I'd stood firm and done it earlier). All my son wanted was contact and reassurance, and when he developed his own healthily sleep patterns in his own time he didn't need it anymore. Don't beat yourself up feeling like you need to adhere to anyone else's standard. Do what is best for you. You will get through this. You may be grey haired and alcohol dependent but your 18 year old child won't be waking every hour! Hugs

glueandstick · 14/01/2017 23:07

As far as intolerances go, mine is sleep intolerant.

glueandstick · 14/01/2017 23:09

Every sodding night this week she's woken at 11ish. Tonight is no differenct :(

Original poster
sleeplesshell · 15/01/2017 03:14

Been awake since 12:30... send reinforcements SadSadSad

OP posts:
QuilliamCakespeare · 15/01/2017 03:21

Tired reinforcements here. Baby is up every 90 mins or so for food and won't settle in the basket in between. Most nights he doesn't settle until 2 or later. I have a toddler too. Fuck me, I'm tired. And a bloody mug for insisting on exclusively breastfeeding.

queenofthemountains · 15/01/2017 07:37

Yes, a weetabix before bed, so they have breakfast, dinner, tea then a small supper. We always had supper as kids, still do.

woodsies1975 · 15/01/2017 07:59

Good morning - hope your night wasn't too awful. My two are older now, 11 and 8, but the memory of sleep deprivation will never leave me. My first child slept and breastfed like a dream so it was a real bloody shock when my second was a nightmare with both. Stands to reason I guess, they are different people, but through the fog I couldn't understand why two children with the same parents and same external influences weren't more similar! I was a big fan of the Baby Whisperer as I didn't feel comfortable with controlled crying, but would never criticise anyone who tried it. Each to their own. Have a look at her stuff, she talks about helping babies to learn to self soothe. It took a few weeks but things did get better and I felt I had some useful tools if it happened again. As others have said the key is consistency and unwavering support with whatever you choose. Don't give up if it goes well for a few nights and then goes to shit - that's normal. Stay on track. But most of all remember that it is just a phase and given time you will all come out of the other side and life will have some sense of normality again. Good luck.

6o6o842 · 15/01/2017 09:40

Sounds like your little one needs to work out how to self soothe. As PPs have said, if she's stirring between sleep cycles but not crying because she's hungry or needs a nappy change, then let her practice settling herself off to sleep. If you feel she needs your help, try patting and shushing until she's snoozy but not asleep and then gradually withdraw both and then slowly leave the room. Give her the opportunity to take the final step of dropping off to sleep by herself.

farfarawayfromhome · 15/01/2017 09:56

this was me!!!!!!!! what worked for us was her own room and a dream feed at 10. we did the dream fed until she was 14 months old as we were too scared to stop!!!

she then slept 11-6.

good luck. it's hell on earth and a major reason in me having only one child.

myelfnameisffs · 15/01/2017 10:13

"If a baby isn't taught to self settle it will never be able to"

What a load of bollocks. Way to worry the op even more.

I've had 2 ok sleepers and one pretty bad one. None were sleep trained, all were bf to sleep until they stopped. None of them lie awake unable to go to sleep...

Routine is pjs on, brush teeth, cuddles + same bedtime story. Bath at night only if very grubby/ covered in food.

They go to bed in own cot and I only bring them in with me if I'm needing more sleep or if they won't settle.

It's quite often at the moment with my 1yo. But I know she'll get there and is already starting to understand more.

It's hard going to work tired every day - silly me having baby 3 when no 2 was only just sleeping well. Grin

Flowers OP hope things improve soon.

Couldashouldawoulda · 15/01/2017 10:28

It's the feeding to sleep that's doing it. You don't have to do cc, you just need to stop feeding her to sleep and gradually stop feeding her overnight. Go to shorter feeds first, but don't feed to sleep, so she has to get back to sleep by herself. Then cut out the night feeds completely. Go and sit with her and reassure her when she wakes, but don't feed her. Getting your DH to do bedtime and the night wakes at first would be an idea. You poor thing, it's so tough. You will crack it, though.

Libitina · 15/01/2017 11:02

When she wakes at night, keep it calm and boring. Feed, wind, change etc and then minimal attention. Make it boring for her. Even to the point of avoiding or reducing eye contact. Keep the lights low. Don't speak much etc, etc...

dansmum · 15/01/2017 11:16

We did sleep train ds...he can sleep forever..with 2 under 2 we never got around to it with dd. She now sleeps less and needs nightlight as a tween.
Do you express your milk? Could you do one night co sleep with you, dad night off, one night dad on duty to start giving you one nights sleep each in turn...that will help you both. If you were to alternate those nights into the babies room that might help transition out of cosleeping too( where all 3 of you are tired and not happy)

It is incredibly hard and you feel awful letting baby cry a little..but I assure you it is short term pain for long time gain. You get a happier baby and parents who sleep..no child is developmentally delayed by couple of weeks sleep training as they are loved and cherished and cared for all day and evening long. Choose a time when both you and partner are maybe off work or long bank holiday so you can both rest, if grandparents can be called on for support too that will help. It is hellish too. What does your midwife say? My kids definately slept better once weaning began...a full feed and topped off with. Carby mush meant they just felt sleepier...
We all feel your pain .we have all been there and you can get through it...honestly you will x

Original poster
sleeplesshell · 15/01/2017 11:26

Worst night ever here. Awake from 12:30am to nearly 4am and awake at 6:30am.

Night started ok, porridge, quick bath, lavendar spray on mattress, star light show thing on, fed her, popped her in to cot drowsy she nodded off by 7:15pm. Great - fantastic stuff.

Like the night before she woke at 12:30am so I went straight in myself, picked her up fed her, popped her back in the cot and she nodded off. She then woke 20 mins later so around 1:15am. OH went in to settle her, shushing/rocking she feel asleep, he left the room and she woke up. He went back in and tried again, we left her to try settle herself, she was crying but more a tired cry every few minutes that escalated to full on crying so I went in. Picked her up held her awhile sang a song of "go the fuck to sleep" (not proud Envy) at the stage it was 3:30am desperate for some sleep. I brought her in to our bed where she faffed around until 4 and then feel asleep. Wide awake again at 6am Shock and so another day begins.

In the middle of it all DS was awake too - poor pet has a bug with a high temperature. So I've been giving him some calpol to bring it down.

Seems like no approach is working at the moment. Leaving her self settle, helping her settle, bringing her in our bed - that's all our tricks?!

We have been cosleeping but I feel that was contributing to her waking hourly at least in her cot we get a few hours stretch? May be tonight I'll just bring her to my bed on first wake up and pray to the universe she just goes back asleep. Don't know how much longed I can function on no sleep and to top it all I have my sons bug coming on me.

Happy Sunday everyone!! WineWine

OP posts:
bluebellsparklypants · 15/01/2017 11:54

Sounds a rough night,
Which ever approach you take be consistent, consistent, consistent with it stick with it over the night and carry it on for few days see how it goes

Libitina · 15/01/2017 12:33

Pick one approach that works for you and stick to it (ie the lavender spray and stars thing). Trying a new one every couple of nights will just confuse her.

Plus, if DS is ill, maybe your baby is coming down with it too?

BigGrannyPants · 15/01/2017 15:37

Just a thought, porridge is an energy food, maybe try changing what she gets for supper?

lilacmamacat · 15/01/2017 20:11

Baby Secrets (Jo Tantum and Barbara Want) worked for me. Would def recommend it if someone hasn't already or you've tried it.