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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleep baby fucking sleep

136 replies

sleeplesshell · 10/01/2017 20:40

Why will my 10 month old not fucking sleep!!! She's not slept more than an hour in 5 months and I'm losing my mind!!! She's treating bedtime like a nap and is up until midnight every.single.night. I'm so fucking frustrated. I've tried it all and no joy. Not a minute to myself ever.

OP posts:
NeuroTick · 10/01/2017 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caper86 · 10/01/2017 22:39

Whatever people's thoughts on sleep training, serious ongoing sleep deprivation has a negative effect on all the family, and on your own mental health.

Can you try CC? My baby took 2 days to get the hang of it and although I was tough it's a few hours in the grand scheme of it all.

Cakeycakecake · 10/01/2017 22:40

I was the single version of you two and a half years ago. Ds was my own personal sleep deprivation devil. Every fucking hour. I grew to hate breastfeeding him because it meant no break from him.
I stopped daytime feeding at 10 months. I returned to work so had to. I'd do a morning feed and an evening then through the night. On the joy of ten hour shifts when you've not slept an entire hour consecutively for months.
I made him go cold turkey in the end. Told him no more. The mastitis that caused... worth it.
He still woke during the night and coslept. Still comes in now during the night, but that's ok.

My second baby is bottle fed 😂 Never again will I allow that to happen. I have learned lessons the hard way.

Massive hugs. I look at my ds2 and think argh go the fuck to sleeeeeep but I know it's not as bad.

If you do try formula (not saying you should) for the night (if you and dh are prepared to try), aptamil tastes awful. Cow and gate is sweet and remarkably similar to breast milk in taste. Don't ask how I know 😔

lifeisazebracrossing · 10/01/2017 22:43

Same here but my DD sleeps two hour stretches at least! She's 6 months. I've read every sleep book/research there is and it sounds like overtiredness to me. My DD has three naps a day (10am for 40m, 1pm for 80m and 4pm for 40m) and goes to bed 7-8pm for 12hrs. She mostly sleeps (may need resettling twice) until 11/12 then is up every two hours for ten mins feeding. If she sleeps poorly for naps, night sleep is worse.

I to feel like I don't have a min to myself. By dropping a minute each time, I was able to go from holding her for all of a nap (she's a shit sleeper) to holding for 10mins and putting down for 25. It's something!

Cakeycakecake · 10/01/2017 22:45

Oh sleep training! Did it at 13months and cracked it. Took three nights. Coincided with stopping all feeds. Bloody brilliant. Controlled crying is brutal but it saved me from losing the plot entirely. First night is the worst. Second night you're like ha I'm not going to have gone through last night to give up now and have it be for nothing...

Original poster
sleeplesshell · 10/01/2017 23:24

Thanks for the solidarity ✌️️

I've been through all this with my son who's 3. He was a bad sleeper until he was 15 months then one night just slept through. I swore I wouldn't get in to the same habits but here I am again.

I've just settled her in her cot in her own room by patting her bum... she's woken up once already so I've popped in her soother, laid her down and patted her bum and she nodded off again.

It's like she can't sleep through a sleep cycle?

OP posts:
Littlelostdinosaur · 10/01/2017 23:41

Rowing down the sane river here. 7 month old ebf who was doing great til the four monthnleap, he's been I'll this week and we've literally no time been able to put him down. Oh he love so you nap in his cot but try him at bedtime and it's screaming. He has been having an hour or so but as the night goes on I gets worse and worse. I'm beyond exhausted as I'm sure your ou are are too.
I'm
Not willing to do any form of controlled crying so have tried to bedshare tonight, kicked husband onto the sofa, but no matter what we just can't get comfy and every time I think I ca no go to sleep he starts crying son immbiw back in husband room in the chair with the bloody white noise o praying he will go do down and can't at least close my eyes for ten minutes.
Happy to feed to sleep and even happy to rock as we did with our first who is a wonderful sleeper, but this is too much and I don't know what hat to do now (other than cc, which I don't want to do). It's shit.

Littlelostdinosaur · 10/01/2017 23:42

Wow that's some seriously bad typing there. Sorry. I'm bleary eyed and have one numb arm. Just make it up.

statetrooperstacey · 10/01/2017 23:53

Little dinosaur, is tonight's bed hopping And all the nights preceding it and all the bad nights to come, so much better than 2/3 hard nights sleep training? I really would give it some thought, you sound on your kneesFlowers

Littlelostdinosaur · 11/01/2017 03:14

Thanks State trooper, I completely get that, and I would loooooooove to have those nights of sleep, but I just don't agree with it - not to judge anyone who does so at all, each to their own, but I know I just wouldn't be able to leave him crying, whether I could hear him or not, and neither could dh. Believe me we have talked about it but I know we couldn't see it through. Especially if it were like some people who say it was more than the two or three nights and was hours etc
Once he's past being poorly if this Carries on then I will have to look into some other methods that maybe more suitable for us.
I'm still hopelessly optimistic (as I sit here waiting for it to be dh' shift) Confused

lilyb84 · 11/01/2017 07:24

I'm in a similar position. Spent the whole of last night waking every 45 mins or less, perched on the side of the bed while ds took up most of my side, annoyed every time DH woke him by snoring or moving, in so much pain as my weak hips means keeping on my side for too long is agony. Want to sleep train but am scared of potentially harmful consequences, want to wean but everything I read says that it's better to continue bf and all the waking is normal. So torn!

Op and others going through it, I hope things improve soon or you find a solution.

Littlelostdinosaur · 11/01/2017 10:03

Lily yes exactly the same here. It doesn't feel right to me to do and I know biennial it isn't perfectly normal for babies to wake and to keep us close to survive. Doesn't make it easier though!!
Hope you get settled down soon x

Original poster
sleeplesshell · 11/01/2017 10:43

Right so after I settled her in her cot at around 10 she woke at 10:45, settled her again (soother, back rub and bum pat minimal crying) she then woke at 12:45 so my husband did the same. She actually slept from 1-4 Shock at which point i brought in to our bed to be fed after a huge feed she slept until 8:30.

Tonight I'm going to feed her in her room and put her in the cot straight after to see how she goes. Fingers crossed 🤞

I don't like the idea of CIO or CC so hope to do it as gently as possible. The thing is I don't mind night waking, I expect it, but god I'd so love a few hours in the evening to just be an adult. We haven't been out together for months and months just feels like we're in survival mode all the time. I'd feel like a right failure with our MIL babysitter to explain the baby wakes every 45 mins oh and she's on our bed and oh yeah she won't take a bottle. Blush so yeah good luck with that.

I know it comes with time but you have to start somewhere to make that happen right?

OP posts:
StorminaBcup · 11/01/2017 11:40

My friend swears by this and both of her ds are now good sleepers. Haven't tried it yet as ds is still in our room but will give it a go when his room is finished next month.

CC / CIO doesn't work for us / me either so I'm hoping that a multi sensory approach might be the way forward. Worth a try anyway!

multi sensory link

lilyb84 · 11/01/2017 12:37

sleeplesshell sounds like a more positive night! I hope tonight goes well in her own room.

I've just ordered a copy of The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Otwell Smith so am hoping that will help us a little bit. Recovering from a virus right now so am feeling the sleep deprivation a little more keenly than usual but still not desperate enough for any methods that involve crying! Not to mention our neighbours definitely won't thank us for it...

Littlelostdinosaur · 12/01/2017 04:16

That sounds good well done! Glad you got some much needed rest. They must have had a chat, our babies, as he has alsonjustvhad a good night so far. Dh had managed to settke him with bum parting until midnight the I fed him. Back to sleep til three and another feed and now back to bed!
The same as you I just want a few hours of downtime!! Toddler is aooooo draining m(wonderful, too) but no down time is awful! Hopefully we are all turning a corner...Confused

Original poster
sleeplesshell · 12/01/2017 07:59

Well last night was horrendous Sad just checked and it was a full moon.

She settled at 7, woke again at 7:45 settled her again and she woke again at 9:15, husband settled her and she woke again at 10:45, settled her again and she woke at 12 and stayed awake until 3:30am. No amount of shushing, patting, rocking, feeding her worked Envy she's now up again and it's 8am. To top of off the 3 year old was awake too.

Just feel so defeated and pissed off that we've no chance at any sleep let alone downtime. What are we doing wrong?!

OP posts:
londonrach · 12/01/2017 08:12

Abit shocked about the advice re fewer naps as in my dd case if she doesnt nap enough in the day shes over tried at night and can take an hour to settle and we have an awful night sleep with her waking. Im lucky re the sleeping as 9/10 (if she naps) she sleeps to 6am from 8.30 pm ish once shes down BUT if she doesnt have her naps during the day she wakes during the night leaving us zombie state. Her naps are therefore very important to us!!!! If she naps shes goes down within 5 mins at night. (5 months old). I have a poddle in the lounge and make sure she gets those naps the moment she rubs her eyes. I did find bath before bed sends her hypo and you can forget sleeping for 2 hours after. Now i keep room quiet and dark and put ewan on. Do the same thing ever night and as long as shes had her naps.... (trying not to tempt fate here as had two really, really bad nights last week when due to xmas over excitement etc i forgot to nap her)

rebeccahazel · 12/01/2017 08:12

I'm with you.
DS is 12 months and has NEVER slept for more than 3 hours, and that was 8 months ago. We are co sleeping from necessity, but he still wakes at least every hour. Evenings are, like lots of you, spent lying next to him in a darkened room with fecking white noise.

We've got a sleep counsellor from SureStart coming this morning (hoping the snow won't stop her) so I'll let you know if she has any suggestions. Dreading her recommending night weaning or cc because I'm not ready to do either.

londonrach · 12/01/2017 08:13

Sleep you doing nothing wrong!

londonrach · 12/01/2017 08:16

I have a crying overtried baby now in my arms who's refusing to nap. No nap now means overtried next nap etc....

Original poster
sleeplesshell · 12/01/2017 20:53

Night 3 - 2 hrs messing trying to get her to sleep and she's still awake. I'm so utterly and truly pissed off Sad

Please can someone point me in the right direction what on earth am I doing wrong Sad

Today we were up at 7:30am and she had a nap from 10-11.

Went out to lunch back for her nap at 2. She slept from 2 - 3:30pm.

Collected my son from nursery at 4.

Bath at 6, dressed in a low light environment, fed her put her in her cot which has white noise playing, lavender scent in the mattress. She was asleep so I left the room at 7:10. She was up again at 7:30 and I went to her. Laid her down again, shushed, patted her bum but she kept getting up all 4's and trying to stand.

Patted the mattress and told her to lie down. Which she then copied me doing. It's now 20:50 and she's still awake. My husbands in having a go.

It's so shit, when will she just settle in her cot for any length of time SadSadSad

OP posts:
fuxxake · 12/01/2017 21:41

Hi OP, did she settle yet?? It's horrible isn't it? I've been up 3 times to mine since 8pm but she's settled fairly quickly each time. For now....
Op I had nights in early Jan when she slept maybe 2hrs total in broken bits. She spent hours rocking on all fours or mooching around wanting to play (but not content with her own company obv!) but thankfully that seems to have passed and just back to "normal" freq wakings again. I've focused loads on a routine for her, ensuring she gets at least two naps or at least an hour each, usually 1.5-2hours if poss and she's def more relaxed and settled in the evenings.
Some times I get really frustrated and down with it too tho I feel fairly calm and optimistic tonight. "This too shall pass" it is a phase but it's shit in the middle of it.

fuxxake · 12/01/2017 21:43

Ps is she learning to stand or walk? Mine was def worst in the week before she started crawling.

Raaaaaah · 12/01/2017 22:27

So much empathy for you OP. My 11 month old is a 2hrly waker and that is bad enough. Every hour...I can't begin to imagine.

I have two older DC. The first was and is a brilliant sleeper, the second not great but as soon as I stopped night feeds she got much better. My youngest is just not a sleeper. I have done nothing differently. I don't feed to sleep, she sleeps in her own room, I don't respond to every squeak (not through choice but because I have the older kids to look after too) but she will not sleep. We have tried CC to no avail. It is knackering. I feel kind of fortunate to have had my older two as at least I don't blame myself. She has taught me humility but by gosh it's a harsh way to teach me.