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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to pick my dog over my boyfriend?

427 replies

wonagold · 10/01/2017 02:30

My mum passed away when I was 13, my dog brought me so much love and comfort, she really made me heal (she got me through the teen years!) and she is absolutely my world. I have been very good friends with someone for a while now and we began dating, he knew I had a dog and it was fine, but we have been speaking about moving in together and he says he couldn't live with a dog due to his allergies mixed with asthma, I knew he had asthma, but he never said anything about his allergies. My dog is now 11 and is expected to live 12-15, he says that I have given her a good life and I feel like he is trying to get me to get rid of her Sad that would never happen, but it's sad he thinks that's okay, she is getting older now and really needs me. My aunt who I am quite close to has said that he could be the one, which I agree, he very much is, I love him a hell of a lot. It's so hard. I have said that we don't need to move in with each other right now, but he says we are at that stage in the relationship. He says the only choice would be for him or the dog to not be there, as it would make him to ill. I wouldn't be unreasonable to pick my dog would I??

OP posts:
notbankinonit · 10/01/2017 16:55

Barbarianmum, it made perfect sense retrospectively!
He stopped me having a cat by saying he was allergic to them, because he could say that. I would never have forced the issue, because I believed him. Even if he hadn't said he was allergic, I wouldn't have made a fuss about wanting a cat because he 'disliked' them.
But obviously it wasn't true ..... because he has now lives with one!
With hindsight, I can see that it was one of his better concealed acts of twattery.

Oliversmumsarmy · 10/01/2017 16:57

Headofhives please read the thread he wants the dog put to sleep.

Saying its me or the dog is controlling.

The fact he wants to move in with the op because it is convenient because Unis coming to an end and I bet he see s op as a free rent or cheap rent and someone on tap to cook and clean for him rather than he loves her very much but because of his "allergies" he would love for them to live together but he will wait.

I have put allergies in inverted commas as I have a few friends who are allergic to dogs and cats and they have to take an antihistamine when going out because if someone in the room has a cat or a dog then they can get a reaction. The very fact it has come as a surprise to you is because up to now he hasn't mentioned your dog or had any reaction to you whilst you are sleeping over

BarbarianMum · 10/01/2017 17:05

Saying "it's me or the dog" is not controlling, it's an ultimatum. The reason it's not controlling is that there is nothing here for him to control (OP' s flat, OP' s dog, OP' s decision) except where he lives - which is totally up to him to control.

Headofthehive55 · 10/01/2017 17:09

No saying it's either me or the dog gives her opportunity to choose. It's now she finds just how incompatible they are. I don't think expecting people to take medication is caring either.

It's not controlling. She has every chance to make her decision. He's not making the decision. She is!

ChinUpChestOut · 10/01/2017 17:12

Have we had a photo of DDog yet? I'm a sucker for dog photos.

ChinUpChestOut · 10/01/2017 17:15

Just scrolled back and seen the photo. What a little sweetie. Ditch the boyfriend. If you can't be in agreement on something as important as the family dog, you'll never manage money and looking after the house.

neuroticmumof3 · 10/01/2017 17:17

Surely he has spent time at op's house before now? Where were his allergies then?

He sounds controlling. As far as he is concerned his need for a cheap and convenient place to live with sex and housekeeping thrown in is a higher priority than your relationship with your dog or your dog's life with you.

I would see this as a red flag and a deal breaker.

dottydee3 · 10/01/2017 17:18

Definitely pick the dog!

Janey50 · 10/01/2017 17:22

Any man who asked/expected me to get rid of a beloved pet in favour of him would be shown the door pretty damn quick. Even if I had previously thought he was 'The One',he most certainly wouldn't be anymore,after that. I have always stuck by the mantra that you can always get a pretty good idea of a man's (or woman's,for that matter) character by the way they treat animals. So far,it has not let me down.

Lemond1fficult · 10/01/2017 17:44

Does he take medicine for his athsma? If he's not taking daily medicine, then his condition isn't severe at all. I have Athsma, of which pet allergy is just one of the triggers (I have a cat). So as well as antihistamines I take a brown inhaler every day, and a blue inhaler when I need it, which is rare, as the brown one keeps my attacks under control.

So that's an option. If he's not a selfish @£?* he'd be willing to do it so you can keep your dog.

BarbarianMum · 10/01/2017 17:50

Lemond that is utter, utter bollocks - shame on you. Angry I have allergic asthma - I only need my (blue) inhaler when I come into contact with an allergen. As I do everything I can to avoid this, I rarely need it at all. But it has saved my life several times - I am very allergic to certain things.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 10/01/2017 17:51

If he's not taking daily medicine, then his condition isn't severe at all

Absolute rubbish.

BintyMOISTMcGinty · 10/01/2017 17:52

PICK THE DOG, PICK THE DOG, PICK THE DOG Grin

FannyCradock · 10/01/2017 17:55

Pick the dog! She's beautiful Smile

iloveeverykindofcat · 10/01/2017 18:29

What a sweet, gentle face she has. She looks so cute tucked up in her blanket.

WTAFF · 10/01/2017 18:31

Another vote for the dog. Smile

Headofthehive55 · 10/01/2017 18:32

lemond that is utter rubbish. I agree with barbarian . I'm similar. I also remember a friend of mine dying of asthma, having a sudden exacerbation one day.

PeterRabbitPie · 10/01/2017 18:34

OP

Are you definitely going to pick the dog then?

Bit of advice from my old granny

"if you want to get the measure of a man, see how he treats his mother and his dog"

HappyFlappy · 10/01/2017 18:49

Oh dear Christ I missed this OP.

"He wants it to be now too because he finishes uni soon and obviously wants somewhere to live"^

I missed this, too Wonagold.

Don't risk being a handy stop-gap for anyone. You are worth so much more.

If he truly love you he will wait until nature takes its course and you can be together, without forcing you to part with your lovely dog' if he's making use of you (I hope not, but who knows) you will end up without either.

I'm so glad that it looks as though you are going to keep your "sister" (just because she has fur, it doesn't mean she isn't your sister. Smile )

HappyFlappy · 10/01/2017 18:55

Just seen your photo of her - she looks LOVELY!

Votes counted:

Gorgeous little fluffpot: eleventy billion

Prospective ccklodger: 3 (probably his mam, gran and aunty Norma)*

Aeroflotgirl · 10/01/2017 18:55

Your dog is beautiful op, so cute, he is rushing to move in with you as needs so where to live, Mabey that's why he wants a relationship, and is so despArate. No your girl comes first, he needs a partner with no dogs or cats, your not that partner.

LotsOfShoes · 10/01/2017 19:03

OP - I'm quite scared of dogs and in my teens/20s I couldn't go near one or be in the same room with one. Dating someone who had a dog was out of the question, just the way it was. But nobody with an ounce of humanity would suggest putting down an animal just to move in together! Your later posts make him sound like a wanker anyway. Be careful there.

SallyGinnamon · 10/01/2017 19:04

Now I've seen the picture even more convinced you should keep your dog. She's beautiful and trusting and your true friend.

FoxTeaParty · 10/01/2017 19:08

Even though you have decided and the vote is pretty much unanimous, I still say keep the dog! She is gorgeous. I understand if he can't live with a dog but the ultimatum would do it for me. I would be furious if someone asked me to choose Angry

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 10/01/2017 19:34

*amendment. There's no way I'd choose my boyfriend over a dog.