Two faced

[piefacedClique]

DS has a lovely group of friends who we go to play with and have food with once a week after school. It Started as a pair of mums and our boys and is now a little group of 5 mums and kids. We have never excluded anyone and no other parents have asked to tag along in the past. At Christmas we went to the pantomime together and had a great time. On our way home another mum texted and was really upset we had excluded her and her son. Son is not someone who our kids ever mentions or seems to play with. She called us a horrible clique and said we should all go fuck ourselves! It was directed at a quiet mum who has been an aquintance of this girl in the past. Today said mum has texted me (no one else) to see if there are any plans for a play date after school and if she can join! Ordinarily I would absolutely say yes come along but AIBU to tell her to piss off given that she was really rude and particularly two faced! It's really awkward as If I don't reply or say no it adds to her feeling like we are a clique (furthest thing from what we actually are) but if I say yes come along I know I will feel really pissed off and two faced and struggle to speak to her. I would never want to exclude a little one from playing but can't help feeling thoroughly pissed off! suggestions for a first time poster???

No matter how hurt I was by someone else actions at my DDs school, I can't imagine telling them to go Fuchs themselves. I wouldn't want to be friends white anyone who would do that and I would text something like. 'Sorry, I think it would be too awkward to meet up after you have said we should all fuck ourselves.'

It's ridiculous to suggest that just because a bunch of parents happen to have kids in the same class that they all need to be invited along on everything a small subset of those parents are doing. Where does it stop? Only when all 20-30 mums (and their kids, depending on activity) are invited every single time? It's doubly ridiculous when the parent is barely a blip on the radar of the other parents. Ditto her child.

For whatever reason, QM has decided to stop hanging out/being friends with RM, as is her right. Any normal person would take the hint when someone no longer stays in contact and move on. RM has either a massive sense of entitlement and/or no self esteem to try and insert herself in a group that doesn't want her. And if she thinks ranting and raving at people is the way to make friends then she's not dealing with reality either.

100% agree with all of the above.

Me too!

I'd just say 'yeah come along if you want'. Some of the responses would cause a lot of drama and could cause issues between the children. Everyone's said things they've regretted, I don't think she should have to suffer for the rest of her child's school life for it! It must of made her feel quite lonely, especially if it looked like the whole class had attended except her and her son.

Her response really is playground stuff absolutely. Cant I be Facebook friends or have the number of people in my class and still not physically see Them? Come on! I only pick up from school twice a week and RMs kids are always on the bus or staying with their dad! Even at parties dad often takes RMs kids. None of us are SAHMs who are there every day!

She's the only one to have said stuff to be regretted! She's the one who has isolated herself by her response? Twice? Plus it didn't look like the whole class attended! There were 5 kids out of 29!

She's happy to post photos of her out with a small group of mums from her other child's class.... not every child or mum from her other DDs class invited!

Does anybody here watch 'Community'? This is really reminding of me of when Chang wants to join the study group.

The (take the hint?) comment shows that we're purposely excluding her. However you try to sugar coat this and wrap it up, you've gone out of your way as a group o exclude her. Of course you're a clique, and not a very nice one!

She'd lost any chance of joining when she told a 'friend' to go fuck herself. Any adult who speaks to another like that exlcudes themselves. Lifeis too short to worry about someone else's behaviour. Her rant was unacceptably agressive and tells you all you need to know. She can guilt trip you all with cliques talk but that's not what you are/do.

But I totally agree her response was ridiculous

She insulted all of us with the fuckiurselves comment not QM individually.... the second string of abuse was directed solely at QM. Obvs entitled to your opinion ballsdeep but as I keep repeating.... we never see her and did not know about the texts!

Look if RM wanted to join the group,just turn up at the gates and ask.Or ask through a nicely worded text message.

And anyway i get pictures on my fb feed from people who are not my friends but they might be friends of friends.Will i send them an abusive message about it.Of course i dont,because i have a bit of cop on.
Plus whatever is the reason for QM not answering RM,there is no way she should have sent them messages anyway.

All she has done is alienate herself further through her own actions.

If I were you, I wouldn´t even bother having an opinion on her interaction with QF. That is their business. What I would think is what do you know about her from your interaction with her? You know that she is aggressive and likes to gossip about other parents. Is this someone you really want to spend time with? I´m guessing not. So don´t be friends with her. It is really as simple as that. You don´t have to be friends with someone just because she wants you to be friends with her.

You say the class has 29 pupils? So presumably there are at least 29 parents who could potentially be invited to your meet-ups, which would change the dynamic of them, not to mention turning every excursion into a huge logistical task. It is ridiculous to expect that everyone would be invited every time. I don´t understand why she has this idea that there is some kind of rule that a handful of parents in a class aren´t allowed to be friends without including all the others? So what if you are a friendship clique - that´s the way friendships work. Some people are friends and some aren´t.

I get the feeling some people can't differentiate between "not being included" and "being excluded". They're not the same. Nobody "owes" anyone else a friendship. From some of the replies on here there must be a lot of "friendship" groups full of people who don't actually like each other but they're too scared to admit it and only spend time with people they actually enjoy being with. I couldn't live my life like that, it sounds awful.

But then she went on to be rude and abusive. Not once but twice. I would deduce from this that the QF knew the measure of her and didn't want her spoiling a pleasant group with her drama and nonsense.

I agree, the friending on FB and having each others contacts doesn't make any sense to me. I am only friends with people on FB I'm close to in RL and I would never have a contact number for a random in my DC primary class.

Obvs different here then..... it's pretty normal to have aquintances on fb. We have numbers for rsvping for parties and helping with pta etc