To ask how not to be frumpy

[Moomoomango]

I feel like total mum frump. I'm overweight (working on it) I rarely put on make up and I generally feel like a frump. I'm only 29, two children 5&1. Please tell me how mums at soft play look so put together and gorgeous- whilst I am just straggling along delighted we've made it out the house? What simple routines / things should I do / buy to look less frumpy?!

I also like oasis 'jade' but they're a bit lower, bit much but low enough to be able to tuck a shirt/shirt into.

*Nothing seems to fit or flatter. Other people just look so well put together. I never do. I hate my hair getting pulled or being on my face so regardless of style it's getting pulled back.(

Aw I think you might be suffering from a bit of self esteem issues - I bet you look a whole lot nicer than you think you do!

I hear you on the hair. I always have mine tied back - but I soften the style either with some looser bits pinned up, or a messy bun kind of style.

Topshop Jamie, they're brilliant. Am 7 weeks post partum and have bought ALL the pairs, I love them.

canters

Really? We're currently trying for DC2. I have to remember that! Thanks :)

I was a cosy frump for a while after having children. I then lost weight and spent a little time on doing my hair properly, quick layer of a neutral nail polish and a quick make up routine. It soon becomes a habit. Plucked eye brows make a difference too.

Good haircut/colour, clean shiny hair. Makeup, foundation or tinted moisturiser, blusher, mascara, eyebrows shaped, tinted and groomed, bit of highlighter, lip balm or gloss, bit of eye shadow if I'm feeling extravagant. Nice jacket, bag and shoes/boots. Nice nails/varnish. No flowery leggings, jogging pants, baggy clothes, stained clothes! Walk tall!

"Frumpy" is only ever used about women, particularly those who are not young and/or thin.

Also, things like flat shoes are often regarded as frumpy, for women who are not young/thin, but are far better for health.

surrey

And no makeup...

As someone with fat legs, I can recommend Gap girlfriend jeans. Rolled up at the bottom, they're really flattering. Wear them with trainers in the day (nice trainers, not the sort you'd go hiking in) or ankle boots. They go with heels or flats.

Look at pictures of stylish women online (I'm a bit obsessed with Emmanuel Alt from French Vogue) and they always wear plain colours, apart from Breton stripes sometimes. Once I started doing that I looked so much smarter. And spend your money on a nice bag, it will make all your outfits look instantly better. Same goes for dark sunglasses in summer. In my fantasy life I look like this

I don't mind but I don't look frumpy as such. I look very very scruffy though. Hoody jeggings and boots.
But... When I decide I don't want to look a mess i brush out my hair , put on a nicer top - I have a few semi smarter ones, or a nice jumper and a pair of jeans rather than leggings. Sometimes a scarf or something to accessorise
I just make sure clothes are flattering to whatever size you are, and brush hair pluck eyebrows and wear makeup if you want (i don't ever )

Years ago I read a book about how to look good at work. Two of the suggestions were to wear the most expensive watch you could afford, and the other was to have an expensive pen. I see people have suggested a nice bag as well. A work colleague thinks a nice pencil case makes a statement at work too.

I wear frumpy shoes - Hotter sandals in the summer. But they are comfortable.

I would steer well clear of White stuff and Fat Face and also Monsoon

Oh dear. Add Seasalt and Crew and these are the places I buy my clothes :)

However, I am nearly 45 not 29. I never shopped at Top Shop though - you have to be a size 6 for any of the stuff to look decent. It's not enough for clothes to be available in your size, they need to be cut for it too, and a lot of the designs just don't work on bigger women especially if you have any sort of cleavage.

I don't actually like dresses - in most cases I find them frumpy other than one I got from Crew Clothing in about 3 colourways. I see people at work in expensive dresses from the likes of Whistles but I don't like them at all. Which makes me think that frump is in the eye of the beholder!

What do people wear with jeans and loafers in this weather? Socks= frumpy?!

Exactly Surrey. The underlying message is always that your hair, skin, eyebrows etc are not good enough as they are. Why don't you care? You should care - blah dee blah dee blah. What a message to pass on to my DD.

Meanwhile, with reasonable hygiene and basic clothes, men allowed to just be.

Some of the "simple" routines and "capsule", cheap wardrobes described on here (11 pairs of shoes I counted upthread) require tons of energy, time and money. Very good if you enjoy it. But the undertones of moral superiority "because it only takes a minute to put some make up on" are misplaced I think. Oh and I think a lot of the clothes / grooming are incompatible with active lifestyles. Another great lesson for children

So many mums in our local school have a uniform... skinny jeans, those green parkas everywhere, make up on regardless of whether it looks good or bad, oh and the (shudder) shaved, tinted eyebrows. Last week I saw 2 friends from behind - exactly the same clothes, same haircut, same highlights, same boots, they were indistinguishable.

Marianne upthread talked a lot of sense.

I don't think you can condemn an entire shop as frumpy, there are stylish clothes to be found in the most surprising places if you know what suits you and how to wear it.

Btw, has anyone on this thread mentioned tailoring? Very few people have bodies that are genuinely the 'perfect fit' for clothes from the wrack.

And having clothes that genuinely fit (and not just because they're stretchy and therefore have no real cut) can make such a big difference.

PlAcemarking to read tomorrow. I have been giving defrumping a great deal of though this year!

Me too, am having a New Year wardrobe clear out plus am going back to work after maternity leave in a few months so it'll be nice to be in smart clothes again,

Gave up on page 3 as now depressed at realising how frumpy I am.
Hair is always scrapped back into a pony tail as I have a hair sucker for a toddler. Never ever wear makeup. Can't remember last hair cut. Live in jeans or leggings with long tops or dresses and whatever boots I currently own (currently missing my scruffy but comfy patent flat boots). I mostly dress like I did at Uni.

Wishing I wasn't on a diet so I could go comfort eat!!

A piece of excellent advice: put on some red lipstick and it'll look like everything else was on purpose. I think the same is true of cat eye eyeliner.

More seriously, it doesn't matter what you wear so long as it fits you well and you're clean and you smell nice - although as a London fashion arsehole, I have a few tips. Good eyebrows, well fitting bra, converse or vans if you must wear trainers. Remember less is more with jewellery and colours - Coco Chanel said that before you leave the house you should look in the mirror and take something off and I tend to agree. Over accessorising looks like you've tried too hard. Get boots from asos, office or top shop. Kitten heels are hideous always. Chunky heels are in. Biker boots are always great for going around town casually/shopping/etc. brogues look great too. Remember you can wear skirts as short as you want so long as you've got some black opaques on. Go for a green parka if you're unsure about what coat. Straight jeans, skinny are out of fashion and look awful on a lot of people, and boot cut only look good if you're hipstery. Keep yourself in good condition - shiny hair, keep moisturising, wear sunscreen every day (even winter). With tops, no logos or slogans - go for plain or striped. H&m and new look do nice plain tops that won't break the bank. Sorry this is so long - really though, just feel comfortable and whack on some nice perfume and get your eyebrows done.

Don't ever wear pyjamas to go to the supermarket. Major fashion faux pas.

Even if someone on MN say its Okay. It honestly isn't

I really recommend going to use the John Lewis personal shopper service. Post partum I had a party to go to and they helped me realise what suited the body I had. I came home and was able to edit my wardrobe to suit their advice and it made such a difference. Then a good haircut, shaped eyebrows, good shoes and a lipstick you love. Makes a world of difference.

I think I have finally figured it out.

First of a carry on with the weight loss.

Try to wear clothes that are clean and ironed (this makes a massive difference, even mentally you feel more put together)

Get a easy haircut, one where you can run straightner through, and I clip the top half up, it instantly looks kind of styled.

I've learnt to do my makeup in literally four minutes. Slap on tinted moisturizer, dab some blush on Apple of cheeks & I top up all day with a tinted lip balm.

Eyebrows play a big part, I will probably get told off for this but I use a tiny eyebrows/face razor. Have extremely sensitive skin that bleeds and cannot stand pain of wax/pluck.

And lastly is something I always notice is nails. I would leave mine half painted for weeks before now, but I realized after I see my hands in a photo someone's tagged neon on Facebook that it looks fucking horrible
So I paint my nails during baby Naptime, I use the OPI rapid dry spray after. And I top up chips through out the week haha

Anyway these things have really helped me on recent times

I always organise my stuff the night before, as if I don't I end up doing the school run looking like a hobo with my hair scrapes on top of my head and in what feels like smelly old clothes with yesterday's yoghurt on them.

Also you cant beat a pair of Chelsea boots with skinny (or just not flared jeans)

I have tan and khaki Chelsea boots. From primark

OP I feel you. I'm tall and curvey with a big arse and there are so many styles that do not suit me. After dd was born I was obese and wore unflattering tops and jeans. A lot of it was down to being depressed after she was born and having low self esteem. I lost 3 stone with Slimmjng World and dropped 3 dress sizes - it made a huge difference being able to go to high street shops and enjoy trying stuff on.

I have a work wardrobe of staples - dresses and midi skirts, and one or 2 items that I had no idea would suit me because they were so trendy I couldn't imagine myself in them. I now wear leopard print tops and zip up midis to work. There's an expectation to look smart at work (trendy London business) so I buy 2-3 pairs of Clarks per year, mostly in the sale. I walk part of the way to work about 1 hour of walking every day so need something good quality and sturdy.

At home I have 3 pairs of skinny jeans and 4-5 tops on rotate with a pair of New Balances or ankle boots. I like the fact I don't have to make a lot of effort.

Hair - ask hairdresser for an easy to manage style. I have bushy frizzy curly hair and I need a style I can straighten in 10.

Hope that helps as I know how it feels to go from a frump and the low self-esteem that went with it. Losing weight was the key. Even 1/2 stone makes all the difference.

Good luck OP - don't lose sight that this is all for you and none of this is to change who you are but to give you a bit of a confident boost to be more of the great person you already are.