To think DH is missing so much of the good stuff

[UnbelievablyChocolatey]

Let me start by saying DH is a wonderful man and I love him with all my heart. However, since having DS who is now 10 month old, some of DHs behaviour is really starting to bother me.

One example. Every night we are meant to bath DS together, as DH works all day so it was always meant to be something pleasant for us to do in the evening. But it always ends up being me bathing DS whilst DH is busy tidying up from tea or something like that. Bearing in mind that after bathtime I then give DS his feed and I put him down to bed. So he could always tidy up then.

It's the same on the weekends. If I nip out to do the shopping or something I'll get home and DH will have football on and be tidying up or something along those lines, and DS will be playing. (Our house is already spotless may I add!)

I just feel like he's going to regret missing these early memories. Tidying and all that can wait. Our DS can't. Or am I just being daft?

For goodness sake ZaraC , wanting for nothing is hardly to be sniffed at either. I suppose you think a crap provider who changes nappies is 'the be all... '

There is nothing wrong with anyone wanting to care for their children. God knows why you think there might be.

The patriarchy is already winning if women think they should be grateful for husbands who help around the house, as evidenced by several posts here.

honeybee it is possible to be a high earner and change a nappy - the two aren't mutually exclusive.

The patriarchy is already winning if women think they should be grateful for husbands who help around the house, as evidenced by several posts here.

I agree, that is exactly my point, everytime someone witters on about blokes 'helping round the house' it sets me teeth on edge.

Laurie - in which of my posts have I said my husband spends no time with his children? In fact I have stressed that he devotes most of his leisure time to his family.

Believe it or not, that does not have to involve baths or nappies.

I know it's wrong, i said if one parent goes out yo work, then they shouldn't have to do housework when they get in, whether it's a man or a woman.

Of course it is possible KayTee, but not mandatory.

It seems that many contributors to this thread think a man has to pass the 'hen pecked ninny-in-a-pinny' test to prove that he is a proper parent.

WTAF?

"Hen pecked Ninny in a pinny"? Jesus fucking Christ.

53rd -

I just can't fathom a scenario that a man is playing with his baby, notices the baby needs its nappy changed and calls the mother in to do it instead of doing it himself. It's so bizarre and alien to me... each to their own though.

Honeybee I guess we just don't see things the same way.

You use terms like 'hen pecked', 'ninny in a pinny', 'crap provider' wtf do those even mean?

You talk about wanting for nothing but many would be left wanting for a more involved husband and father.

This was about the op and her wanting her husband to do more with the baby. She is not wrong for wanting that and shouldn't be grateful that he does a bit of tidying up.

You use terms like 'hen pecked', 'ninny in a pinny', 'crap provider' wtf do those even mean?

I stand up for your rights to live your life how you like. But this is pretty offensive you have to admit....?

ZaraC - I realise my family is possibly more blessed than others and apologise if I seem flippant.

What I am trying to say is caring and nurturing has many facets and if all are met between the parents (and in some cases it is appropriate to include the wider family), that is fine.

This thread seems to have become a crusade to 'prove' that a parent must revel in baby chores to prove their worth and that a father who has never changed a nappy must be in some ways negligent.

You clearly see "revelling in baby chores" - or in fact even doing any baby chores - to be somehow a threat to a man's masculinity. That's just a bit strange, tbh. Unless you grew up in some kind of extreme fundamentalist environment? I mean, it's 2017 - we have men doing all kinds of baby care now, up to and including being SAHPs, and as yet not a single one of them has had their penis fall off.

53rd - get a grip. I do not expect my husband to do the baby chores, because he works and I am a full time mother. Nothing to do with masculinity.

He has a close relationship with his children that does not involve baby chores. Why is that so hard to understand?

But "baby chores" don't just need to be done between 8-6 mon-Friday!

Honeybee you implied that when you talked about crap providers and a ninny in a pinny.

You aren't a full time parent, you're a parent, just like me, just like your husband, just like my husband.

Nothing to do with masculinity.

You think describing a man who does lots of baby care as a "Hen pecked Ninny in a pinny" has nothing to do with masculinity?

honeybee sorry if you've already answered this and I am genuinely curious I'm not being goady. You say housework and child rearing if your job which is fair enough but when do you get time off from your job? Even if your children have always slept 12 hours through the night from the start (which obviously won't have been the case) then you're doing an 84 hour week and you have no annual leave or lunch break.
I'm with you in that I find being at home on maternity leave easier than being at my work but I still need time off for things like getting my hair done, dinner and drinks with friends, long soak in the bath, watching a film etc.
Have you never once been ill at the weekend and needed your husband to look after the kids while you rested?

Are your job*

Honey, if your husband works 80+ hours a week, and presuming he also has to eat, travel,

Whoops, stupid phone

Basic hygiene, etc, etc, he's just not around enough to have time and energy to spend with the DC. When they're little, they're awake for what, 12 hours a day. Presuming DH doesn't work through the night, there are barely any overlapping hours.

Looking back now, I actually can't remember whether DH did nappies or baths or not. Our DC are 13, 11, 9 and 6 and I can't remember . I suppose he must have done at some point, but I admit I never really left him with the kids when they were babies.

Anyway, I think parenting is about quality rather than quantity. You could have a dad who comes home every day at 6pm, but sits like a zombie playing video games or just zoned out. My DH works long hours and is often overseas. Some weeks he can be gone Mon-Fri, but when he is here he won't allow them go computers /devices etc and makes an effort to engage as much as he can in his own way. He's come into his own as they've got older, despite the lack of nappies in the early days! It's no good comparing anyone else's situation with your own because you're never comparing like with like.

Hi KayTee. I honestly do not regard caring for my children as work from which I need a break.

When my husband is not working we spend quality time doing things as a family. Such as nature watching, walking, visiting historical sites, playing games. This is my leisure time.

I suffered from depression when my parents died a few years ago. My youngest was still a baby and I had four children under six years of age as well as an autistic teenage son. My husband was understanding and supportive, but far more useful to the family as breadwinner than hands on carer.

I had a nanny and housekeeper to help me until I felt able to cope again.

Since then, I have only suffered minor illnesses such as colds which do not prevent me from caring for our children.