To think this is inappropriate at 12

[wonderingagain21]

I discovered my DD12 awake at 1am this morning on her phone (which I thought was downstairs). She has clearly worked out my restrictions passcode and was watching a film. I then started looking at her internet history and found that over the xmas hold she had done huge numbers of searches related to sex. Now I know she may want to understand certain terms, seems a reasonable use of the Internet but I'm talking more than 50 searches of the same things I clearly exploring more deeply. I'm a bit horrified as she seems too young for this much detail - tantric sex, numerous positions, porn etc . I had thought we were responsible parents but now I'm worried that if I put too many restrictions in place she'll find other ways to explore this stuff.

Oh gosh, If I made the effort to I could, I'm not going to on a Sunday for the benefit of MN.

I do know that children, especially teens, seem to manage to find their way round all the restrictions, even Apple ones.

Sounds fake but ok 😂

Yeah whatever.

You're like the person who says :" My child will never behave like that." You're incredibly naive and pompous, your kids will find a way, if they are determined.

You're like the person who says :" My child will never behave like that." You're incredibly naive and pompous, your kids will find a way, if they are determined

But I haven't said that at all. In fact I haven't mentioned my DC at all. I've just said that parental restrictions can help make it difficult. As I said earlier you can't control what they see on their friends phones.

Having used various parental controls over the years I stand by the statement that I think Apple Restrictions can be extremely useful and can be impossible to get around depending how you have set them up. I don't understand why people don't use them more.

Thanks Trollinator, that makes Anna to me now

Not everyone can afford the latest iphone for their child, though in theory, they do have reasonable parental controls - though not infallible.
The problem is, filters are notoriously rubbish. They stop you viewing things you do want and allow you to see things you don't want.
Filtering the known porn sites it easy, but there's plenty of porn on sites that aren't easily identifiable.
Lock the phone down too much and it becomes unusable. Allow any kind of chat or messaging app and anything can be sent to them by their friends.

A teenage friend when he was about 14, was given a new phone with strict controls on it. His parents regularly checked his browsing history too. He hated it so he took it to a geek friend who installed another browser that was hidden from view and didn't store any history. He used the default browser for allowed browsing and his hidden one for anything forbidden.
He didn't use the phone at night as it had to stay downstairs, but he still had plenty of opportunity to use it how he wanted to.

Another friend had the phone her parents gave her, and her secret phone that her parents knew nothing about.

Put too many restrictions in place and all your children learn is how to be more devious while you sit back thinking that you are an educated and intelligent parent who has got it all under control.

But they will not have private access to the internet or social media.
How will you teach them how to use social media safely?
At what age will you allow them private access to the internet or social media?

I had exactly those iPhone parental restrictions. I'm sure they are pretty secure (although apparently you can still access the Internet via a kindle browser on a phone while the are in place - I've not tested this) However being human is the problem. I was seen entering the code which is needed to make certain pages 'approved'. I thought she was not looking. I was wrong. It just shows that the more restrictions in place, the harder teens will work to get around them.

I don't think anyone has suggested that having parental controls on children's phones etc means that a child is then totally 'safe' from exposure to inappropriate material. However I think it's irresponsible to not at least try to protect them. A secret phone might be hard to prevent but things like secret hidden browsers or secondary social media apps are could be easily prevented at least on an iPhone.

Protecting them by restricting their use too much is like protecting them from getting hurt on the road by never letting them out unsupervised. It's perfectly appropriate when they are very young, but you talk to them about the dangers and teach them how to deal with the risks. At some point you have to start to allow them to go out unsupervised with some guidelines and boundaries. You would be doing them no favours if you supervised them every time they went out because the roads are dangerous and you need to protect them. They have to learn how to deal with the dangers themselves, while you still have some influence.

Not allowing use of social media means that you have no opportunity to teach them safe use of it and it makes it far more likely that they will set up an account without your knowledge - regardless of what restrictions you have put on their phone.

MyWineTime.
No one has suggested that children should be subjected to overly strict restrictions until they are adults. It should be a gradual process where they are given more and more freedom as they get older. I also don't think anyon suggested that teens should be banned from social media . There is a huge middle ground between being too strict and being too lax.

Great time to have a chat about "real sex" versus "porn"

TheTrollinator, scroll up a little and you can read this:
"Which is why my DCs do not and will never have their own 'devices'.
When they start going out and about this will need rethinking for the sake of 'tracking' (for want of a better word) and communication. But they will not have private access to the internet or social media."

Fair enough Wine I missed that one. I think that's an extreme and unusual view although Perhaps the poster was just referring to little kids.

The poster of that comment said her kids wouldn't have private access to the internet or social media. I'm not actually sure what private means in that context but it doesn't sound like they would be 'banned' from the internet and social media rather that they only be allowed to use it with the posters knowledge or control on a shared device.

Did it feel nice?

Deary me.

Yesitsmeagain It's not the job of the Government or of the IPs to protect our children from inappropriate content. That's what parents are for.

Just like bookshops sell books which are not appropriate for.children!

But you'd be upset if an xxx bookshop opened up in your child's bedroom, which is pretty much what happens now.

But you'd be upset if an xxx bookshop opened up in your child's bedroom, which is pretty much what happens now.

Only if you allow it to. It's up to parents not to allow it.

Wow. Some posters need to learn to back away from what doesn't concern them and give their DC their space. Secondary school and puberty is where this starts. Their sexual fantasy/curiosity is none of your damn business as long as they are safe.