Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is inappropriate at 12

144 replies

wonderingagain21 · 07/01/2017 13:12

I discovered my DD12 awake at 1am this morning on her phone (which I thought was downstairs). She has clearly worked out my restrictions passcode and was watching a film. I then started looking at her internet history and found that over the xmas hold she had done huge numbers of searches related to sex. Now I know she may want to understand certain terms, seems a reasonable use of the Internet but I'm talking more than 50 searches of the same things I clearly exploring more deeply. I'm a bit horrified as she seems too young for this much detail - tantric sex, numerous positions, porn etc . I had thought we were responsible parents but now I'm worried that if I put too many restrictions in place she'll find other ways to explore this stuff.

OP posts:
Dahlietta · 07/01/2017 14:07

2ducks2ducklings

My guess is you were talking about one of those buggy board things you attach to the back of a buggy. Wrong thread, but am I right?! Grin

Dahlietta · 07/01/2017 14:08

Damn, x post!!

YelloDraw · 07/01/2017 14:08

I'd actually rather have killed myself than have my mum ask me questions like that at 12

Quite. He's 12, most likely masturbating. I can't believe you want to talk about what turns him on!

KayTee87 · 07/01/2017 14:09

Op in this instance I actually wouldn't punish her as she is unlikely to then speak to you about these things. I would gently say that you weren't happy that she had gone against your rules however her curiosity is totally normal. Explain to her that there is a lot of incorrect information on the internet and you would much prefer she asked you anything she wanted to know. If she feels too embarrassed to speak to you could you give her a factual book to read or maybe there's an Aunty she would prefer to speak to.

JanetStWalker · 07/01/2017 14:10

I was rubbing myself on my pillow whole reading Hollywood Wives when I was 12, so tame to what's available these days.

Reality16 · 07/01/2017 14:17

Op in this instance I actually wouldn't punish her as she is unlikely to then speak to you about these things. Just to clarify, when I said I would punish her it had no relation to th sex thing whatsoever. I didn't even mention that in my post. I would punish her for going downstairs and using her phone when she has been told not to. The sex thing is an separate issue and should be treated as such imo.

Shockers · 07/01/2017 14:19

I think asking whether it feels nice is genius if you want him to stop. There's nothing that will dampen his ardour more rapidly than chatting about the feeling in his willy with his old mum Grin.

KayTee87 · 07/01/2017 14:21

reality I get you and rule breaking is bad but I'm not sure a 12 yo would separate the two if you know what I mean so if it were me I'd let it slide just this once. Any other occasion I'd totally agree.

Reality16 · 07/01/2017 14:22

My DS12 has done something similar. Googling big women, big boobs that sort of thing. He denied it at first but then agreed with me that it had to be him. We talked about it - me asking for example did it interest him, make him feel nice etc. Good god talk about mortifying - I mean it's all good talking about it to make him know it's normal, but 'does it feel nice' Confused he is a 12 years old boy, of course it fukcing feels nice.

We agreed not to go looking again and totally at random I ask to see his google history which now looks more normal. This really gave me a giggle. He is a 12yo boy. He has already had you ask him toddler level questions about his sexual development, Im quite sure he will have long since switched to private browsing

Reality16 · 07/01/2017 14:24

I'm not sure a 12 yo would separate the two if you know what I mean. Well why on earth not? They happened on separate occasions, she is 12. It's not difficult to understand.

KayTee87 · 07/01/2017 14:26

I just don't think a punishment is a good way to open up an honest conversation about a tricky subject. May be wrong of course BrewCake

Reality16 · 07/01/2017 14:31

I just don't think a punishment is a good way to open up an honest conversation about a tricky subject

"Im not annoyed at you for being curious, but I am going to removed X privilege because you deliberately broke the rules re phone at night, now lets move on, is there anything you want to ask? Talk about? You know the internet is not representative of true life [directs to age appropriate webiste] have a look on there sweetie, see if it helps and remember you can talk to me about anything"

It's not that difficult. I wouldn't ever let punishment slide for such a deliberate and blatant rule break just because there is something else going on, that's the start of a slippery slope.

MarmiteDoesYouGood · 07/01/2017 14:31

I knew how to delete internet history when I was 12. And I did it regularly, if you know what I mean.

Foxysoxy01 · 07/01/2017 14:32

" me asking for example did it interest him, make him feel nice et"

HmmConfusedBlush

I'm not sure asking your 12 yr old son what turns him on is completely necessary?! How cringeworthy your poor son Blush

As for him never looking at boobs or sexy stuff again, I quite frankly think you are insane and heading for some issues, good luck.

MarmiteDoesYouGood · 07/01/2017 14:32

(it was before the days of the anonymous/private browsing button)

Gatekeeper · 07/01/2017 14:32

I'm 53 but I still remember the surge of hormones aged 12-13...nothing new really. I recall my friend showing me her dad's 'mucky mags' when I was 14 and feeling very aroused. All perfectly normal

When I was 13 I was very, very broody Shock and used to stuff cushions down me top and stare at myself in the mirror. Went away thank God and didn't actually have a baby until I was 38!

gillybeanz · 07/01/2017 14:34

OP, talk to her and don't worry.
Most children are doing this at 12, it's just that a lot of parents don't find out or bury their heads in the sand.
It's more important for you to be able to trust her and her going behind your back is the biggest issue.

Iggi999 · 07/01/2017 14:53

With complete access to all the perversions and violence against women the internet contains, a 12 year old today will not have the same kind of sexual awakening some of us had reading Jackie Collins...

areyouallcrazy · 07/01/2017 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KayTee87 · 07/01/2017 20:59

Where does it say she was watching porn? She was looking up information on different types of sex.

KayTee87 · 07/01/2017 21:02

God I missed the bit saying she'd been watching porn Blush

MsJudgemental · 07/01/2017 21:05

2ducks ?

DeathStare · 07/01/2017 21:07

At 12 all the girls in my class were reading Judy Blume's Forever

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 07/01/2017 21:07

I first went online at 18. I got my first mobile phone at 19. I didn't even think i was that old! Simpler times.

Shockers · 07/01/2017 21:07

areyouallcrazy, that's a really horrible thing to say. The very fact that the OP is on here, asking for support shows that she is not "a fail as a mother and as a woman."

Children have been curious about sex since the dawn of time. We used to look at the dirty magazines left in the bushes at the park (there were always some there)... I cringe now when I think of how they'd previously been handled.

It's how we deal with that curiosity. Porn is horrible, yes, it objectifies women... but then...how do comments like yours build and strengthen women? They don't.