AIBU to think it's not some random woman's place to declare that my son goes home from the park?

[CloudsOfChid]

My son is 9 and quite frequently goes to the park with friends. He came in yesterday and was very quiet (a lot earlier than usual) and I asked him what was wrong. He explained some 'shouty woman' told him to go home. I asked him why and he said because he wanted to keep using the swing AIBU to think it wasn't her place?

And no you don't chuck people off if you're child is younger but I would ask a group who had been sitting around for ages if my DS could have a go, Most kids understand and don't mind.

Because you weren't there you really have no clue what he was really doing

I had to shout at two boys at soft play yesterday and sent then out of the baby bit there mums were outside smoking

BoomBoom

Get what you're saying. However, dd has been offered the swing by older children (maybe 12). Those children will probably have been taught to take turns on the equipment by their parents. There's nothing to say that rules can't change.

When dd was younger and wanted pushing on the swing, I'd always have some kind of limit on it otherwise she would have been on it for at least half an hour. Cue lots of sad faced children waiting their turn, which never comes.

I think that while we all think the best of our children, they are children and unsupervised 9 year olds can get up to mischief. My 9 year old dd is usually a very kind, polite, well behaved girl and I have never known her to put herself before anyone else (my 11 year old dd on the other hand is capable of anything!!) once came home and told me a similar tale. The park is directly opposite my Mums house and we were sitting watching the kids playing so I was sure she hadnt done anything wrong. A short time later one of the other Mums who had been at the park had come to tell me that she had been the one who had sent my dd home as she had been copying another child and calling a little girl names. The woman had told me how shocked she was to hear my dd saying these thing because she genuinely is know for her kind behaviour, she did add that she felt my dd was copying the other child because she was afraid of them and that was the easier option. What I'm trying to say is, don't always assume that it's exactly the way your dc tells it, that's perhaps not the whole story.
If it was my 11yo dd, my first response would probably be 'why were you sent home, what were you up to??'

I think he should know to share pupular play equipment. If he's young enough to just go home and get upset when a random woman shouts at him then he maybe isn't old enough to be out unsupervised though. I played out alone age 9 and my kids did. Usually older kids try to tell you what to do and tell you to get off stuff. If you aren't old enough to cope with confrontation and decide to let them have a go, ignore them or confront them then you're not really old enough to be out alone. If a group of 9 year olds I'm surprised they didn't stick together and just tell her to go home or say no.
I suspect he was doing something antisocial that a supervised child wouldn't do for the woman to bother talking to him though.

Also, OP, if you think it's not another adult's place to tell your children off, them you should be supervising them yourself.

^^this

Just tell him to come straight home if she is there again.

There's also a big issue round here (don't know if more widespread) that although the council are refurbishing and adding lots of play areas they tend to mostly focussed at children up to about the age of 8 ... so consequently a 9/10/11 year old who wants to play in a playground (and IMO shouldn't feel that they are too old to do this!) is limited to only a couple of pieces of equipment that are actually suitable for them to use.

Their choice is therefore to "hog" the couple of bits of equipment that are age appropriate or to use the younger child's equipment in a way that it's not really intended (e.g.climbing on top of play houses). Neither of these goes down well with toddler parents who don't have the imagination to think about things from the older DC's point of view.

Does sound odd but I'd wager your kid isn't telling the truth. They never do.

I live in a row of wo streets on the side of a mountain. Our park is at the end of the two streets - sort of between the two streets. There are always very young children playing in the park, unsupervised by a parent, and always has been (I have lived in this street all my life).

"It takes a village to raise a child" has worked for years.....until recently. Now no adult can tell a child off because the parents throw a hissy fit that someone dared to correct their child's behaviour.

I guess if a parent doesn't want anyone to intervene when their child is doing something they shouldn't be doing then they should parent the child themselves - and supervise them accordingly.

Plenty of fields and parks around here suitable for 9 year olds. I think it is unfair to repeatedly criticise her when you don't know her area. The park might be across the road from home for all we know.

There's a saying that there's 3 sides to every story - the 2 people involved and the truth. Some sensitive kids (like one of my own) call even the calmest telling offs shouting. I have a similar age child so know that they can be naughty away from adult supervision are egging each other on. You need to tell your ds to think about the incident and how he'll deal with it next time.

I think that older children (particularly older ones) get a bad rep from parents of younger kids. Even if they don't do anything, they are seen as physical threats to their babies My oldest are teens and are very aware of certain groups of people viewing them with suspicion based on their age. They have lots of stories of being moved on by PCSOs because people have complained about groups of teens hanging out and drinking bottles of Lucozade.( definitely not alcohol before anyone asks) Nobody would move on a group of men walking from the pub in "high spirits" or a bunch of mums with giant buggies leaving a baby gathering. To teens, these groups are noisy, slow moving etc but don't get treated the same.
I think it's fine when other adults tell kids off for actually being naughty. Your son was unfair to hog the swing but he didn't have to leave imo. If your parks are like ours, they are designed for quite a young user in mind so swings are the only equipment that he could play with.

Unfortunately, adults can be little shits too. At our local park we have a group of women who regularly call there with their under 5's, and take them into the area where a notice advises 'recommended for over 7's' but they completely disregard the sign. The equipment is totally inappropriate for a preschool child, but that doesn't stop the mothers berating the older children for tying to get past little Freddie as he tries, unsuccessfully, to navigate the equipment, therefore slowing all the others down. There are a lot of assumptions on here that OP's son must have misbehaved

You don't know what happened, we don't know what happened. I think the only thing you can do to console your son is say that the woman maybe shouldn't have shouted , but that maybe he should think about why she shouted.

Haven't RTFT but I love this increasingly common notion on MN that there are specific behaviours that people outside London just wouldn't understand let alone engage in.

Commuting - only people in London understand it
Driving - only people in London know how to do it properly
Walking fast - you MUST do this in London or be outed as an incomer
Playground etiquette - only people in London would GTFO a piece of play equipment if they saw that a younger child wanted to play, or would understand the 10 minute rule.

Just a few examples over the last couple of days, it's no wonder that it's completely feral outside the big smoke, no one knows how to conduct themselves

Disclaimer: I suspect this isn't how people intended it to come across

It is unreasonable for an adult to tell a 9yr old park user to go home.
It is reasonable for an adult (or indeed a 5yr old) to tell a 9yr old to stop hogging the swing.
It is unreasonable for a 9yr old to get pissed off enough by being told to bog off home by an adult, they should have more resilience.
It is reasonable for a 9yr old to go to the park alone.

Actually OP I think your 9 yr old was sensible to come home after someone shouted at him. Either it was warranted, in which case going home was appropriate or an unknown adult shouted at him out of the blue for no reason at all. In which case going home was sensible to keep himself safe.

Ive witnessed parents of toddlers/infant school aged children shout at 8/9/10 yo in a park before because they are using equipment their child wants.

On one occasion I'd met parents and their children, ours were all 8-11yo. We were sat on grass outside gated park and could see children.
The group of 8 children all went over to the 2 swings. They were turn taking nicely and even getting my Ds (who has asd) to turn take. A lady went over and told them to stop hogging swing. The 11yo said they weren't, they were just having a go each then they'd move on. She spent the next 5 minutes going on and on at the top of her voice to her children about "how it would be their turn next and how some children aren't very good at sharing"
Our group then went to seesaw and were taking turns again. She did the same at seesaw after using swing for about 2 minutes.

Up until this point I'd told out friends we should watch but let the kids have a go at dealing with it themselves to prepare them for going alone.

The woman clearly didn't realise the kids had an adult present.

She then went up to the 11yo and told her that her and her mates and siblings should all "fuck off home as no one could play in the park as they were taking over the equipment"

I did go over at this point and point out that 8 children were managing to share 1 piece of equipment perfectly well and it was her and her children who clearly couldn't share so perhaps they should go home and come back when it was empty.

So yes, it's perfectly likely that the 9yos were doing something silly or hogging the swing. But it's also perfectly likely if it's never happened before and the Ds was upset by it they aren't misbehaved, don't get told off because there's no need and this woman was out of order.

When I was a kid if someone got on a swing and then we asked for a go we got told "not right now, X is having a go"
We are a far more patient generation!