AIBU to think it's not some random woman's place to declare that my son goes home from the park?

[CloudsOfChid]

My son is 9 and quite frequently goes to the park with friends. He came in yesterday and was very quiet (a lot earlier than usual) and I asked him what was wrong. He explained some 'shouty woman' told him to go home. I asked him why and he said because he wanted to keep using the swing AIBU to think it wasn't her place?

here in Australia Child Protection are notoriously tough and the Australian law states that a child cannot be unsupervised under the age of 12. I am not sure what it is like in the UK. I was just stating my knowledge

Did your son refuse to get off the swing when asked? You said yourself he was hogging it. If this is the case, it's rude and ill mannered. If you aren't there to mould his behaviour, another parent will. My friend lets her 8 and 9 yr old go to the park and expects good behaviour from them or else to be told by other parents. Personally I think this is too young to be left to your own devices regularly. Back when some of us were children, it happened more. But then adults were allowed to call out bad behaviour without the parents of the "aggrieved" child getting upset. IE it takes a village mentality.

Australian law states that a child cannot be unsupervised under the age of 12

I'm in Australia and I'm pretty sure that's not true.

Here in Canada the Ministry of Children and Families recommends 12 as a minimum age. They removed an eight year old who was regularly home alone for a couple of hours.

9 is young.

It isn't some random woman's place to tell your DS to go home from the park. But she may not have been a random woman. She may have been a woman who witnessed his poor behaviour or a woman who he was rude to first. She may have been poorly behaved or rude herself. You don't know, and you almost certainly will never know for certain.

Handling interactions with strangers, (including random people who tell him to do something that they don't have legal or moral authority to require), is a part of being in the world unsupervised and something he will need to learn to deal with if you are going to let him go about unsupervised (and I don't disapprove of that at all).

So just talk to him about it, about your expectations for his behaviour. About being considerate in public spaces. And about not necessarily doing as he's told by someone just because they are an adult (but also remind him that it's frequently a good idea to walk away from confrontation rather than engage).

He's going to come across people who disagree with what he does. And he's going to disagree with what other people do. He needs to be able to deal with all that. So talk to him about it and help him learn to do so.

at the general assumption that the son was behaving terribly.

I didn't let my children play out or go to the park unsupervised until they were just about to leave primary school in Y6, so 11 years old.

We've witnessed horrible behaviour and rudeness from groups of unsupervised kids, showing off and acting up. I've said far worse to some of them than 'go home' I can tell you.

There are two possibilities. Either some random women started screaming at a nine year old for no good reason. Or some nine year olds were misbehaving enough that a rational women told them to go home.

OP seems convinced of the first. PPs are introducing the idea that the second is likely. Why the

It could be something in the middle. An over reaction to something quite minor or just to the 9 year old's presence.

A proportion of adults do behave less than brilliantly around other people's children.

It's quite hard to say what happened really, isn't it?

Maybe a mix of two things. Maybe the gang were a bit rude? Maybe she was having a bad day?

I'd happily tell a very badly behaved child to go home.

Ask your son what exactly was said and how.

You have no idea what went on, you weren't there.

The law in Australia varies from state to state. It's Queensland law that states that a child under 12 can't be left unsupervised for an "unreasonable" length of time. My 11 year old dd is hanging out for the day she turns 12 and I can leave her at home when I pop to the shops.

I don't think it's routinely enforced but if a child under 12 is habitually left to roam the streets without supervision and they're felt to be at risk because of it the parents can be charged, and in extreme cases the child could be removed. It's uncommon to see children out on their own here unless they're going to or from school.

It does happen sometimes:
Police charge parents for allowing child to walk to school

Why would someone "shout" at a child for staying on a swing? OP, I think you're not getting the full story. If she did shout, as your DS says, it would only be if he was taking far too long on the swing and not letting others take their turn - and had already been asked to move away. If she didn't actually shout, but she just stern, the above still applies. You need to ask your DS again about his version.

It's far more likely that your son and his friends were doing something that warranted the 'shouting', if you don't want other adults to parent your child, then do it yourself

You do occasionally get random people telling kids off. I remember this happened to me twice, to my recollection, in childhood - preteen stage really. Once with a woman who shouted at a friend and I to go home when we were in a telephone box calling my mum to pick us up after a school play rehearsal - it was winter so pitch black and I'd just finished talking to my mum when a random woman came barging in the phone box shouting at us to go home and had we been swimming!? Another time a woman shouted at me to go home 'there are funny men at this time!'

Looking back I can see they were trying to be kind but the way they were about it was so belligerent that while we weren't scared (I was in y7/8 at the time so 11-13) it was annoying to be quietly going about your business and be shouted at by adults!

I'm also in Australia but kids always cruise around the town here, mine included. It's one of the things I love about it - they're so free. In NSW there is no set age - the parent sort of has to decide if the child's sensible enough. It's very vague.

If one of my children had said that a woman had shouted at them in the park, my natural reaction would be to ask what they had done to make her shout
i would always assume they deserved it

I saw some 8-9 y-o throwing stones at the ducks in the pond.
I said to them that was not on as I saw no parents around (I dont like telling children off if no parents at all)

They said they werent. I said yes you were I saw you and you have stones in your hands. I will tell the police. (I wasnt...)

So maybe they went to their parents and said a woman was mean when they were just feeding / looking at the ducks eh

I suspect there is more to the story than your son is telling you. Yes of course some woman could have just shouted at him to go home for using the swing,, and off he toddled. but the odds are there was more to it and he simply isn't going to tell you that. Why would he? He'd just get into trouble from you too.

in, that's a bit of a rotten attitude!

And you joined MN at 3am for this, OP?

(Time zone depending, obviously)

So even though you weren't there, and only have the biased version from your son, you have no problem assuming he was behaving acceptably and was shouted at. It's beyond you to consider that he and his friends were being little shits and he was chastised appropriately by an adult? Occam's razor applied - it was probably the latter and your attitude is empowering him to be a little shit.

that's a bit of a rotten attitude!

No, I always ask my whinging child what they had done to deserve whatever they are whinging about. In the vast majority of cases, they "deserved" whatever or at least shouldn't have been surprised.

Your kid was probably being naughty. Maybe the woman overreacted a bit ,who knows.

Well, actually,you would if you supervised your 9 year old.