AIBU to think it's not some random woman's place to declare that my son goes home from the park?

[CloudsOfChid]

My son is 9 and quite frequently goes to the park with friends. He came in yesterday and was very quiet (a lot earlier than usual) and I asked him what was wrong. He explained some 'shouty woman' told him to go home. I asked him why and he said because he wanted to keep using the swing AIBU to think it wasn't her place?

Poor kid they have to meet somewhere ! I would be tempted to go with them next time and watch from a distance some parents over police play areas

In fairness, children often say 'shout' meaning a generic 'told off'.

Another one here who's worked with this age for over 30 years. Whilst it's not always wise to "assume" anything, experience tells me, like insancerre and others, that it's highly unlikely that these kids were playing nicely and minding their own business when this "random" woman started yelling at them for no reason. And anyone who "assumes" this to be the case is naive.

a simple but firm "you've had a long turn now, please let my child have a turn".
Yes, and that will quickly translate to "she shouted at me" by the time they're relating the tale to a sympathetic mum.

So no, it's certainly NOT bullshit.

Yes it is. It is NOT Australian law that it's illegal to leave a child under 12 unsupervised.

Even in QLD, the law is vague, and refers to an 'unreasonable amount of time'.

If you choose to send your 9yo unsupervised to the park then this is the sort of thing that will go on. You either need to supervise him at the park or accept any random interactions like this. It's your choice but you cannot expect random strangers to behave to your specifications.

RedHelenB - but not all kids get into trouble.

I still maintain you can be firm and discipline someone else's child without raising your voice

And I saw a group of kids alone, about 9, throwing little stones in the direction of younger children.
I was the horrible woman who shouted at them and got them to stop.

Good on you. Children who are nasty to younger children eg throwing stones at them really piss me off. I'd have been glad to see them get shouted at.

9 is old enough to go to the park we are not doing our kids any favours over supervising them they need their own space I really feel for kids now

Go to the park alone

I'd be tempted to say I'd found the woman and asked her what had happened, then check out his reaction.

I actually wouldn't, but I'd be tempted!

Regardless of who was in the right here if you deem your child old enough to go to the park by themselves then interactions with random adults and older children/teens are going to happen, and not all of them are going to be pleasant experiences.

Am sorry op but am not buying it your son didn't get shouted at and sent home from the park chances are your little "angel" was being a little shit and that's why he got shouted at and told to go home. You might want to try supervising your son when he's at the park instead of trusting a 9 year old enough to go there on their own.

for being good

friendswithacat You've had thirteen children? Wow!

Jaques - we have his word that she shouted. As others have said shouted at = told off for a lot of children.

This seems less occams razor as a previous poster mentioned and more opinon bias. As the majority wouldn't allow their 9 year old to play in the park unsupervised, there is the assumption that he must have been behaving terribly.

I think the best advice that has been given is that if you are concerned about your childs interaction with adults, and he is unable to deal with it himself then perhaps he is too young

It's completely irrelevant what the law is for going to the park in Australia. I think aussies are a big too cautious around children and I'm glad we have a bit more leeway to make our own choices in the UK. My daughter doesn't go to the park on her own yet because there's a busy road, but if I lived on the other side of that road she probably would occasionally go with her friends. They've just started to do things like walk to the shop on their own and they are encouraged to walk to school on their own from Y5. Independence should be built up gradually so they learn to deal with it in a controlled fashion and are ferried around by parents until they are 18.

If my DD said someone shouted at her, I'd ask her what she was doing and for the circs. I usually trust her to behave but she can be bit oblivious in terms of lengths of time and she'd be shaken up if shouted at. Mostly I'd just put it down as one of those things and not post on MN about it

I think it's perfectly fine to let a 9yo play unsupervised. But it does mean that as his parent you have to accept that he is now old enough to be considerate to other people and take turns without your supervision- or other people will get cross.

If you think he is too little to deal with that, then you don't send him out alone. Simple as.

He admitted himself that he had not been taking turns (as presumably you have taught him) but wanted to keep using the swing himself, so I don't think there's much doubt as to why the woman got angry. She may have overreacted, or he may have overreacted to her telling-off and heard a firm telling-off as "shouting": we can't possibly know without being there.

But the set-up of him playing alone does mean that you expect him to be able to handle these child-adult interactions on his own.

otoh some children do interpret every telling-off, particularly by a non-parent as shouting

otoh some parents use a tone when telling their own children off for minor misdemeanours that the rest of us would interpret as very aggressive indeed

impossible to know

My dd is 8 and I wouldn't let her go to the playground usupervised because she is just like this and mouthy too (takes after me probably).

Id assume it was six of one and half a dozen of another. I would presume she had got fed up of my child hogging it but would then say to my child that whilst she probably shouldn't have shouted, it was understandable that she would be frustrated at the hogging, which would then lead into a conversation about sharing and behaviour in general.

Maybe, just maybe, the other woman was a nutter and the 9 year old was doing nothing wrong?

I know that is radical but it can happen.

I've never been to a park where children were told to get off swings. If someone is on the swing you wait your turn and if they don't look like they are getting off you go and play on something else. I spent alot of my childhood unsupervised in the park, quite normal in the 50s and 60s and I wasn't the only 7 or 8 year old who would be there for hours. You very quickly picked up how things worked.

Everyone is speculating. But the bottom line is nobody can know what actually happened. But adults should behave responsibly as an example to the children they are around.

I do agree that if strangers are upsetting your child then you need to go along with them at least once to see what is going on. It is true that being old enough to play outside does not necessarily translate to being old enough to deal with the actions of strangers.

My daughter had a situation where she was at the countryside centre with her friend and they were on a big swing together. A random woman squared up to them and said they were too old to be on the swing (they were 11 and are actually tiny for their age anyway.) and that they should get off. It's a very busy park. My daughter is a kind girl and she knows not to hog equipment so I believed her. She said that she and her friend had kind of ignored the woman and she went away. I think if she'd been younger than 11 she would have possibly been more upset by this. But my point is that adults can be arseholes and go to the park with the attitude that their child is more entitled to the equipment than others.