AIBU to think it's not some random woman's place to declare that my son goes home from the park?

[CloudsOfChid]

My son is 9 and quite frequently goes to the park with friends. He came in yesterday and was very quiet (a lot earlier than usual) and I asked him what was wrong. He explained some 'shouty woman' told him to go home. I asked him why and he said because he wanted to keep using the swing AIBU to think it wasn't her place?

A rotten attitude?
No, it comes from experience
I have worked with children for over 30 years. I know how their minds work

You've got his side of the story, which is bound to be weighted in his favour. He has a reason to make himself look better. Will you always take what he says at face value? If so, you will raise a child who lacks the skills to reflect on his actions.

When I see groups of 9+ year olds in the park together they are rarely a happy mix with the younger children using the playground, as the play is - at best - bound to be more boisterous.

I wouldn't assume anything from working with children.

Just sometimes they might be telling you the truth.

Plenty of kids who benefit from 'it takes a village' interventions by other adults in the park, and plenty of times I have seen mothers of smaller children unjustly demonise older ones. Let your two year old ride their scooter (or sit st the bottom of a ramp) in the middle of tne skateboard park and then yell at any 10 year old who dares skate anywhere near, for example.

Talk to your boy about how people should not be shouting at him, and how he can be polite but assertive, and also explain how parents of tinies feel very protective of them, and general consideration for all at the park,

This drives me nuts
I wouldn't assume anything from working with children.
*
Just sometimes they might be telling you the truth*

So in says she/he has 30 years experience working with children and that is the response.
If anyone said they have 30 years of experience I would feel pretty confident about their opinion.

I only have 10 years of experience working with children and I also think most of the times an adult tells them off I would enquire what happened there

But for some reason people seem to always know better than people with 30 years of experience because they have a child

Well, I haven't had thirty years working with children but I have had thirteen :)

Yes, they often take things out of context, they often don't tell the full truth, omit a piece of information that changes the whole nature of the exchange, sometimes even downright lie. I have had a malicious allegation made against me - horrible, and untrue.

But I would still be wary of assuming anything.

I wouldn't assume they were telling the truth but I wouldn't let it become my assumption that they were lying, either. Dangerous ground, both of them.

I think yabu to judge when you weren't even there. In one scenario it was totally unnecessary of her so no point preoccupying yourself with it because there's nothing you can do now. But instead i suspect that a bunch of unsupervised nine year olds were being a nuisance at the park. However you'd know that had you actually been there.

Harry potter that is bullshit I'm from aus and that is just not true.

shit did you read the article WingsAloft posted?

And in South Australia if I left my kids in the car while paying for petrol, or while I run into Coles etc, and police see them, I can be prosecuted.

So no, it's certainly NOT bullshit.

I would let it go for now but next time he is in the park pass by discreetly unannounced and see how him and his mates behave. That might give you a better idea of who was being unreasonable.

Being able to deal with strangers is part if the assessment you make when deciding your child can go out unsupervised. Mine are still under this age, but currently afraid of dogs (of the off lead and uncontrolled variety). If we haven't changed this in a few years, eldest won't be going to the park without an adult, even if her mates are deemed old enough, because she hadn't got the skills. People are going to speak to your child. Until the child can deal with it, you supervise them. Dealing with it to me would include being able to tell you what went on, as us folk on the web are basically just guessing!

I also live in Australia and similar to the UK there is not a specific age where you can leave children alone.

It's judged on a case by case basis.

www.parenting.sa.gov.au/pegs/peg32.pdf

He could have said no of course. Not doing what strangers tell you is part of looking after yourself. If she'd said get in my car and put that sack over your head he'd presumably have said no.

Anyway as he probably was hogging the swing and you only got one side of the story it's probably just best to leave it.

I would clarify exactly what happened. I have often been in parks where 9+ children are on swings. If they have been on a long time and my child asks if they can use it (particularly the larger net ones) I politely ask if its ok and without fail they say yes of course and get off. Because they get that they have had there turn. I do the same DS loves swinging and can stay in for ages but if someone else wants a turn he stops.

It sounds like he was asked and he wanted to keep using it and then she went to far.

YABU as you don't know what led up to him being shouted at

I would observe him next time he's out without him knowing and then you will get a true indication of his behaviour

not sure I'd be letting a nine year play out in a park unsupervised though

YABU as you don't know what led up to him being shouted at

I would observe him next time he's out without him knowing and then you will get a true indication of his behaviour

not sure I'd be letting a nine year play out in a park unsupervised though

She was wrong to shout at him but as a parent you should teach him not to hog the swings - it isn't fair. I've had to ask children to get off a swing so my child can have a go. Equally, I'm aware if a child is waiting to have a go and don't let mine stay on for an unreasonably long time.

Why is everyone assuming the child was misbehaving? Adults can be just as unreasonable. This thread could have been copied from the Daily Mail

I'd be very, very surprised if a woman went and shouted at a dc on a swing because they were hogging the swing.

I think there's more to the story here

Yes I agree that adults can be as unreasonable as children of course they can.

Leaving children alone at home is totally different to letting them play out alone.

The problem, though, is not so much that the child goes out alone, but that then the mother complains how the child may r may not have been treated by other adults (or children).
If he's so small that he went home after a random woman shouted at him, then perhaps he should be supervised when out. And supervision also ensures that he's not a nuisance to others.

There's no reason for an adult to shout at a children UNLESS it's to stop dangerous behaviour or a potential accident.

I don't know why so many people confuse shouting with discipline.

In that situation if OP's son was hogging the swing and had said no to the kid, a simple but firm "you've had a long turn now, please let my child have a turn".

I also am amazed at how many people automatically think the OP's son is fabricating. Not all kids tell lies. Some adults are just dicks.

Jaques - ime all children will tell white lies to avid getting into trouble.