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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to yell 'he's one, you little s**t' at kids in the park

71 replies

MistySkies · 06/01/2017 22:14

My nearly two year old has been under the weather but we went to the park for a run around and walked past three 8(approx) year olds sat on a log playing on their phones. For some reason my son beamed for the first time all day and two of them rolled their eyes. Then one said something to the other (i think about the game) and they laughed, which made my son laugh. One looked at my son and said 'Ugh we weren't laughing with YOU'. He just toddled off oblivious so it didn't really matter but for some reason I felt this massive rage and it took every fibre of my being to stop myself shouting 'He's one you little s**t!!!' I'm not normally like that but I have noticed feeling that way a couple of times before if older kids are nasty (he's been walloped by younger kids and that doesn't bother me at all because they don't know what they're doing). Is it normal to feel so irrationally angry with people who are still kids themselves or am I one of those PFB mums I've read about?! If I'm like this now I don't know what I'll be like if he has issues at school (which he's bound to at some point because that's life), do I just need to try to harden up a bit?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 06/01/2017 22:18

Not normal, no.

Yes you are one of those PFB mums by the sound of it.

When you have such a young child, 8 year olds can seem like OAPs in terms of age gap.

But one day you'll find yourself wanting to scream "My PFB is only 8 you little shit"

misshelena · 06/01/2017 22:19

Yes. You need to chill. That's crazy...

SanitysSake · 06/01/2017 22:19

I'm not a mother (yet), but I'dve got enraged as well! Little oiyks!

FATEdestiny · 06/01/2017 22:20

8 year old boys hanging out with mates didn't want anything to do with a toddler. Shocker.

Yeah, they weren't kind. But you know, it's no big deal.

00100001 · 06/01/2017 22:20

I would have just ignored them tbh

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 06/01/2017 22:21

Not irrational, but if they were 8yo they were most likely thinking with their Game Brains. And if your DS wasn't bothered then heave a sigh of relief.

Though I'd have said (in my best Glasgow accent , I lived there 3 years)
Aye take the piss oot ay a bairn, Big man, make ye feel better eh? and glared (works well in Essex, causes looks)

If you'd called 8yo Little Shits , you'd have looked the offender

DorcasthePuffin · 06/01/2017 22:21

Oh, I think your instincts are completely normal. Of course, you have to know when to act on them and when not, but I think it's completely natural to feel murderous rage if someone is mean to your toddler.

ZefStar · 06/01/2017 22:23

YABU, as you probably already know. Little kids (8 year olds) are not interested at all in smaller kids and want to look cool in front of their mates by being as disinterested as possible. Chill.

SadTrombone · 06/01/2017 22:24

YWNBU to want to do that .. but swearing at 8 year olds in the park is generally frowned upon. even if they are being little turds

Beth2511 · 06/01/2017 22:25

a mum had a go at me bevause her 5 year old tried to physically pull my one year old's hand of a toy she had just got. i asked her not to so she ran off crying to mum who instantly accused me of being evil.

frustrating having little ones sometimes

Original poster

MistySkies · 06/01/2017 22:26

Thanks for the reality check. Got a 4 month old as well and when I'm tired I am so irrational and can't seem to trust my instincts as to what's reasonable or not, hence checking it out

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 06/01/2017 22:26

And also, you don't know that the approximate 8 year old was being nasty.

Some kids that age (especially if they have no experience of toddlers) can be quite literal. So it's quite possible he pointed out they weren't laughing with your DS, because they weren't.

When my DS3 was a toddler, his older brother had a friend called David.

My DS couldn't pronounce David so he called him 'Davey'. Every time he did, he turned to my toddler and said "My name's not Davey" and would get quite annoyed by it, until we pointed out that he was simply unable to pronounce his name.

After that, he really softened up (because he realised my toddler wasn't winding him up on purpose) and still has a soft spot for him now at 14 years old

bobbinpop · 06/01/2017 22:27

YANBU, it's so mean. I regularly have to explain what is/isn't appropriate to my DD(9) so I can see both sides, but I would be so upset by it too! I'd feel so sorry for my lovely giggling DC being ridiculed by someone who should know better.

Plus, your DS hasn't been well, so you're naturally going to feel more protective.

bobbinpop · 06/01/2017 22:28

Beautifully put dorcas

Cucucachoo · 06/01/2017 22:29

I understand how you're feeling, DS is 6 (though due to developmental delays is closer to 4/5) and he would have loved to play with the 'big boys' he still doesn't understand boys who are mean - he still thinks they're playing with him. It kills me trying to let him learn, but I have to let him figure it out. Same as you x

TheUpsideDown · 06/01/2017 22:29

You're not alone. My son is four and loves other boys, especially those older than him. Hes so friendly and loves to chat to other boys at the park. He makes friends within minutes.

One day, about 3 days after his 4th birthday he approached a group of boys around 7/8 yrs old to tell them he was a "big boy now" as it was his birthday "5 minutes ago"

Being 4 his concept of time is clearly not quite right. Obviously, to those of us that aren't 4, his birthday wasn't 5 minutes ago. It was several days ago. But my sweet little DS just wanted to make friends with these other 'big boys'. To feel included in their little group.

So when they burst out laughing at him, poking fun at him because he said his birthday was 5 minutes ago, even telling him he was stupid, I wanted to scream at them "FFS he's only 4, he's trying to make friends with you, you little f**kin' cretins!!!"

It took the mental strength of the Hulk to say absolutely nothing and just distract my son with the promise of a cake at the nearby coffee shop.

Even now it stirs up fiery anger just thinking about it. But ultimately I know that I did the right thing to not explode in the way my imagination was!

TrustyPatches · 06/01/2017 22:29

I often feel like that, maybe PFB but to me manners cost nothing and I would be mortified if my 8 year old spoke to a toddler like that. I have a daughter of a similar age and although I wouldn't say anything I would certainly think it. YANBU

mumoseven · 06/01/2017 22:32

Oh I don't think its a pfb thing! I was walking past some middle schoolers with my 3 year old ginger lovely boy (number 6 of 7, the only red haired baby) and one of em said 'ew a ginge!' And the other one sniggered.
I asked DS to ' stand still darling, mummy's just going to say something' and shouted the 2 boys back. I asked them what they meant, they just muttered redfaced and tried to blame each other, said sorry, and shuffled off.
God I was so mad!
That day I went and dyed my not very gingery mousey hair absolutely bright red, so I could be in solidarity with him.

user1477282676 · 06/01/2017 22:32

It's not out of the ordinary at all OP. Not at all. I remember similar when mine was small...I was only that way...in the extreme, with my first child.

You'll chill a bit with the second.

Oh and those kids were shits. I have an 8 year old and they're perfectly capable of being kind to toddlers and understanding they're younger etc.

Stopyourhavering · 06/01/2017 22:32

just wait till he's 15....

StarryIllusion · 06/01/2017 22:33

If my child had said that and I wasn't in earshot I wouldn't have minded if you ticked him off for it. Gobby little shites. Although I think of pretty much all kids as little shits. YWBU to actually say it though.

Blaze6 · 06/01/2017 22:34

Obviously you're being unreasonable but also totally understandable! I had something like this in the summer and my heart still bleeds for him! He loves playing with older kids and therr were four older kids in the park and they were playing with him very nicely, the ringleader then started taking the piss and trying to get rid of him saying we'll meet you at the slide and my gorgeous naive little boy believed them and got upset when they didn't show, I tried explaining it he didn't get it! They then started playing hide and seek which was them just running away from him taking the piss! It took all my strength not to go mental at them! I totally understand they didn't want a three year old following them around but my poor boy was just trying to play! I could have cried for days for him! Totally pathetic and unreasonable but remarkably common!!

TwoDrifters · 06/01/2017 22:37

My 8-month old smiled happily at three older children recently, who sneered at him and laughed in a mean way. He totally knew they were being horrid and looked so hurt and confused. Everyone else in his little life thus far has always returned his smile. I, too, wanted to yell at them for shattering his innocence (albeit in the most trivial way!) My husband returned to our car moments later and wanted to chase after them when I told him. So we clearly all share the same PFB sentiments!

WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn · 06/01/2017 22:39

I would have said something to them. It takes a village and all that.

Perhaps don't lead with the aggressive swearing though. Maybe a jokey, oi meany, he's only a baby.

Or perhaps, "well he was laughing at you actually not with you!" (Joke)

Isadora2007 · 06/01/2017 22:40

Just as you can't be empathic and put yourself in the situation of the 8 year olds who don't see a toddler as equal to them... they lacked the empathy to see him as anything other than a pest or inconsequential..

Empathy is sadly lacking in many people.

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