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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to yell 'he's one, you little s**t' at kids in the park

71 replies

MistySkies · 06/01/2017 22:14

My nearly two year old has been under the weather but we went to the park for a run around and walked past three 8(approx) year olds sat on a log playing on their phones. For some reason my son beamed for the first time all day and two of them rolled their eyes. Then one said something to the other (i think about the game) and they laughed, which made my son laugh. One looked at my son and said 'Ugh we weren't laughing with YOU'. He just toddled off oblivious so it didn't really matter but for some reason I felt this massive rage and it took every fibre of my being to stop myself shouting 'He's one you little s**t!!!' I'm not normally like that but I have noticed feeling that way a couple of times before if older kids are nasty (he's been walloped by younger kids and that doesn't bother me at all because they don't know what they're doing). Is it normal to feel so irrationally angry with people who are still kids themselves or am I one of those PFB mums I've read about?! If I'm like this now I don't know what I'll be like if he has issues at school (which he's bound to at some point because that's life), do I just need to try to harden up a bit?

OP posts:
TheMysteriousJackelope · 06/01/2017 22:41

I think it is quite normal to get a surge of adrenaline when you feel your child is likely to be hurt in some way - even emotionally hurt. That our bodies are designed to respond in a way more suitable for beating off a sabre toothed tiger than a couple of snarky 8 year olds is unfortunate.

DeleteOrDecay · 06/01/2017 22:42

They weren't nice but it's pretty typical of that age to be honest. Your ds was oblivious so no harm done.

Efferlunt · 06/01/2017 22:44

I know how you feel. It's not nice when you think how mean some kids can be. Saw an 8 year old and his older sister who was about 11 and really old enough to know better sneering at a smaller kid (not mine, and about 4) who had obviously glanced their way once too often. They were laughing and calling him a werdio. He was four and curious about the way they were behaving. Really wanted to bang their heads together (metaphorically).

youarenotkiddingme · 06/01/2017 22:46

Ok calling them shits wouldn't have been your best move if the day!

But no, feeling angry and protective of your child isn't abnormal.

And no, 8yo hanging out alone on phones and being unkind isn't normal either (luckily).

Or perhaps it will begin to be more so judging by the number of people on this thread seemingly saying 'they are only 8' as if that makes their behaviour ok Confused

MargaretCavendish · 06/01/2017 22:46

They then started playing hide and seek which was them just running away from him taking the piss! It took all my strength not to go mental at them! I totally understand they didn't want a three year old following them around but my poor boy was just trying to play!

Surely at this point it was your responsibility to distract/remove your child so he stopped bothering children who obviously didn't want to play with him? As a childless adult who remembers what having a little sibling was like I do have some sympathy with the older children here!

Original poster
MistySkies · 06/01/2017 22:47

Glad it's not just me then! I guess the difference between feeling it and acting on it is key (and is the difference between being a bit unreasonable and being a bit too crazy). True that it's possible to say something rather than seethe inside or go off on one. Actually hadn't thought of that! To want to yell at a kid goes against how I think I normally am, but then again since having kids a lot of the things I used to think have changed! 2 years ago I think I'd have read this and rolled my eyes and now here I am writing it!

OP posts:
TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 06/01/2017 22:47

It's not normal or typical - unless they're dragged up.

I would have called them on it. Nasty little shites!

I hope DS is feeling all better soon.

Athrawes · 06/01/2017 22:48

On the plus side, don't you always feel to happy and proud when an 8 year old is lovely to a littler kid. My boy is only 5 and I always make sure I lavish praise or comment very positively to an older boy and the parents if their son is kind.

EuropeanSwallow · 06/01/2017 22:49

YANBU to think that at all. It's perfectly normal to think kids behaving like little shits are little shits. It's probably a bit unreasonable to imagine clotheslining them with your arm so they faceplant into the mud but, as long as you don't actually do that ( or post about wanting to do that on mn), no one will know but you so no actual harm done.

Coconut0il · 06/01/2017 22:49

I think it's normal. I'm a pretty calm person, takes a lot to make me upset or angry but a few times I've felt angry when DS1 has been upset. I said some thing on two occasions as it was to adults. Other times I had to let it go, like when an older child pushed DS1 at soft play. Like you I would've liked to say something but it's not worth it. I'm sure I'll be the same with DS2 and I would still be the same with DS1 now even though he's 13.

SausageSoda · 06/01/2017 22:51

They're 8 so they are old enough not to act like nasty fuckers to a young toddler. I'd have been pissed off too and probably said something to them.

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 06/01/2017 22:52

70 I too can do a decent Glaswegian accent (I'm Scottish but east coast, however most people unless central belt can't tell the difference anyway) and it can be very satisfying Grin

OP yanbu to feel the Tiger Mum claws come out in your DS defence. I have in the past pulled up older kids for being mean to little ones (not just mine! And no name calling, just a reminder) usually they are embarrassed enough to behave a bit more nicely once it's pointed out to them or they are just waiting for the scary Scottish lady to leave

Tatlerer · 06/01/2017 22:53

YANBU at all OP. I disagree that it's normal for an 8 year old to speak to a toddler like that. It's bloody rude.

mambono5 · 06/01/2017 22:54

YANBU, you are a mother. It's more than natural to want to protect your child.

Some "big kids" were making fun of my toddler, it made my blood boil. It There are too young to defend themselves, so it's natural to want to do it for them. It makes me sad too when I think about all the bullying or at least teasing he will have to go through at school. We all have, at different levels, of course it's part of life but it doesn't mean a mother has to like it.

Thankfully, there are also some children who surprise you by being so friendly and kind, so there is hope!

Tatlerer · 06/01/2017 22:55

Twodrifters that made me gulp a little bit! Sad

WellErrr · 06/01/2017 23:02

I would have told them off for being unkind.

But then I'm always telling other people's kids off. Draw the line at swearing though Grin

MissJSays · 06/01/2017 23:03

It would make me rage too! I'd have said 'he doesn't understand, he's just a baby.'
I work in a nursery though so am used to disciplining other people's children... I often find myself out in public trying to hold back the urge to tell random kids offHmm

ivykaty44 · 06/01/2017 23:10

It maybe the 8 year old wanted your 1 year old they weren't laughing at him, which is nice that he cared so as not to hurt your doc feelings

Not that your doc could really comprehend that

Trinpy · 06/01/2017 23:14

I feel like this when older kids are unkind to my 2 year old. I think because it reminds me of all the teasing/bullying I went through growing up and I feel horribly sad thinking of my own dcs having to deal with all of that.

The nice thing about being a grown up though is that you can tell kids off if they're unkind. Some children were calling my ds names in the park once and it was quite fun putting on my best school teacher voice and seeing them look suitably ashamed! Children that age can get a bit silly when they're in a group and their parents aren't there.

Original poster
MistySkies · 06/01/2017 23:16

Thanks for the advice. As for the suggestion to take a chill pill - oh my god yes please! Isadora, i just wanted to say that I did feel empathy for the 8 year old , I remember being 8 and not always saying things I'd be proud of now, I do have empathy just took me a second to find it! I think most people do have empathy it just easily gets overridden by stronger emotions, like hurt or whatever. Am going to take the opportunity to sleep now so I can be rested and hopefully non-verbally-abusive tomorrow!

OP posts:
Original poster
MistySkies · 06/01/2017 23:21

Oh just seen that no one said take a chill pill, just said chill. Definitely time for sleep!

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/01/2017 23:22

No you weren't being PFB or unreasonable. You were being a mother. Your son is only one. Just a tiny baby, and these children are 8 years old. Bit of a massive difference, and. They're old enough to know better. When I was that age and saw a baby. I'd be wanting to mother it.

SemiNormal · 06/01/2017 23:23

My usual phrase in situations like this lately is to just say 'Well that wasn't very polite' and to give them what I call the 'mum look'.

I don't think you were being unreasonable, nor do I think you would have been unreasonable to call them out on their behaviour (although calling them shits might not have been appropriate) - if my son is out playing when he's that age and I'm not around then I hope someone would alert me to something like that or tell him off in my absence.

Thegiantofillinois · 06/01/2017 23:29

It might be normal, but it's twattish. Ds is 7. He would have given a blank look, as babies are a mystery to him, but never a comment. I suppose really you should feel sorry for an 8 year old who needs to laugh at a toddler to look big.

YorkiesGlasses · 06/01/2017 23:30

I think it is quite normal to get a surge of adrenaline when you feel your child is likely to be hurt in some way - even emotionally hurt. That our bodies are designed to respond in a way more suitable for beating off a sabre toothed tiger than a couple of snarky 8 year olds is unfortunate.

^^ This. It's not 'PFB' to feel affected when someone is nasty to your baby, it's totally normal.