AIBU to ask how much you spend on activities?

[swlondonmumof2]

Going through our finances, and have worked out that we spend about £550 just on DD's extra curricular activities, including travel there as it involves trains/driving so petrol to some of them. she is a super active child and loves everything she does but it seems excessive. We've already stopped piano, which was £90 a month... She's nearly 8. I'm basically spending more than half my salary just on her activities.

She has a younger brother who doesn't do anything like the kind of stuff she does (too young) he does football which is about £50 a month. we don't have lots of money really, but DH is adamant that she is passionate about all the stuff she does and it's the best use of our money... Part of me thinks when we were kids there was no way we'd have had this much... But on the other hand, if we can give her these opportunities why not? Interested in opinions...

DD1 (12) does lots of sport at school for which we pay nothing but her paid-for activities each week are/cost:
£5 dance
£7.50 singing lesson (1:1)
£100 junior conservatoire (music)
£2 Guides

DD2 is 7 and is less expensive but her weekly cost has jumped by £12.50 each week because she's made such rapid progress on the musical instrument that she plays (started in September in a group lesson at school), that she's overtaken everyone in her group and throughout the school so needs a 1:1 lesson. Each week she does:
£17.50 musical instrument lesson
£2 Brownies
£10 dance

Our monthly costs for two DDs are similar to yours OP but this is mainly because DD1 started at the junior conservatoire in September - I actually got a better paid job in order to fund it - last year her costs were £17.50 each week for a music lesson, £2 for Guides and £10 for dance!

Two children:
Dance £11
Rainbows £4.50
Swimming £15
Violin £10
Drums £10

£50.50 a week. Rainbows is term-time only as are music lessons. Swimming is a life skill, not a hobby, so shouldnt really count it.

Good to see some other "gym mums" on this thread... is there anywhere on MN that you can speak about kids who do higher level hobbies like that as I'd appreciate some advice from other parents.

I'm very divided on this!

I absolutely believe that children need lots of free, unstructured time at home to rest, recuperate and develop their imaginations etc. I think family time is important, and I think children need to know how to amuse and entertain themselves without money being spent.

However I also believe it's important to experience lots of different things while you're young and to have the confidence to try new things. I also try hard to instil a love of exercise and being active, and to sow the seeds of a sporty life. I don't want to raise children who spend long periods of time engaged with screens and I want them to
Appreciate their bodies for what they can do not what they look like etc. I love seeing older children and teens engaged in sports/hobbies and helping the younger ones and hope for that when mine are older. I think doing activities helps you to mix with children other than in the school setting and helps to keep school friendship issues in perspective etc.

It makes no sense to overstretch yourself and pay for things you can't afford. OTOH it is perfectly valid to spend your money this way and I'm surprised at people's shock given that many mnetters pay for independent schools for the extra curricular offerings in part and that would be way more expensive than this. State educating your child and spending out on extra curriculars is a choice many people settlemfor if independent schooling is too much of a stretch.

I try and keep it within the child benefit amount. I have 3 dc but only 2 of activities age so they get a disproportionate budget I guess:

Ballet: £39/term = £3.90/week
Swimming: £22/month = £5.50/week
Recorder: £54/term = £4.50/week
Rainbows: £25/term = £2.50/week
Gymnastics: £4.20/week

= £20.60/week/dd x 2 = £41.20/week = £164.80/month max (many are term time only so not strictly a monthly cost) = £2k/year. That seems reasonable to me. People spend that on a summer holiday each year. We don't holiday abroad or have gym memberships or new cars etc. Everyone spend money differently.

These figures don't include equipment or travel costs but they're fairly minimal as we lift share and buy second hand etc.

DD(8) - £75 a term - £20 recorder, £30 science and £25 Brownies

DS (12) - £1 a week youth group
(Which sounds massively unfair but he does a lot of voluntary stuff plus school sports teams, which are free but means he is busy most days)

Ds 1
Scouts around £30 per month but this includes camps and trips
Taekowndo £35 per month ( 3 lessons a week)
Swimming £20 per month
Football ( winter only about 15 weeks) £8 per week includes traing and matches
Nippes ( summer months) £10 per week
Ds 2 swimming lessons. Same as ds1
Gym term time only £10 per week

I spend a ridiculous amount on my DC, but they're happy, I can afford it, so there's no problem.

DD1 (13) £222 a month.
Gymnastics (squad) £92
Trampolining £21
Netball £8
St Johns Ambulance cadets £6
Music lessons at school £50
County Orchestra £45

DD2 (10) £ 235
Gymnastics £75
Dancing £104
Trampolining £21
Music lessons at school £17
Lamda lessons at school £18

Have to say these creep up. DD2s main passion is dance and drama, but we live rurally, so I often have to take DD2 with me when DD1 is doing gym. Hence, I pay for her to do two rec classes, at an extortionate amount, because it's cheaper and easier than the alternatives (taking her shopping / soft play / out to eat and spending even more money!

DD1 only used to do gym and flute... but when she gave up squad and dropped her hours from 18 to 8, she found she needed more sport to keep her sane.

Of course, on top of this I have kit to buy, travel, comps, exams to pay for etc...

But I think each to their own. My DC like their hobbies, they choose to do them, they find them enriching, but they know they come at a cost... whilst we spend money on hobbies we tend not to have expensive holidays, we don't have many take aways or trips to the theatre or to theme parks etc... but I think it's money well spent, my children have gained lots from their hobbies, I think it has made them confident, resilient, hard working and committed children, so I would rather spend money on this than buying a new car every couple of years for example...

Eldest
£13 a week
Swimming, beavers and football
Youngest
£14 a week soon to be increasing to add in swimming

Ds1 £40 per month on swimming and rugby.

Ds2 is a baby, but am starting baby sensory classes with him at £20 per month.

Congratulations, you're in the Mail!

Our DD 6:

Rainbows £30 subs per term
Martial arts £50 per month
Ballet and jazz dance classes (2 per week at school, one lunchtime one after school) £100 per term.
Swimming £70 per term.
She's about to start Beavers, similar cost to Rainbows.

I think we spend a lot but because a lot is termtime only (bar the martial arts) it evens out and also she gets downtime (no activities at the weekend and school holidays). SW London. If we did drama, languages or instruments it would be loads but I'm very conscious of how much she does and need for downtime as much as cost. She has an activity every day (though some at lunchtime or immediately after school so enough chill time at home).

Does her school offer clubs? They usually seem to be better value than private clubs and also you don't have all the time/effort/costs of ferrying her to them.

If you can afford it and she gets something from it then fair enough (also I've heard people say they pay for activities rather than say private education). But if money is tight I'd look at cutting back or finding cheaper things to do.

Soupdragon - cue the inverted snobbery comments

DC1 (10yo) - £20 pcm swimming, about £15 scouts, about £20 football. Just stopped guitar (about £20 a month) because he never practises. He does art club and is on the school council but those don't cost anything.

DC2(6 yo) - £20 swimming, £30 taekwando, £20 football

DC3 (3yo) - £18 ballet. She'll start swimming when she's 4.

The oldest 2 are also doing 5 weeks of mad science this term, which is about £100 altogether I think.

Never added it all up before but probably spend about £150 on clubs a month at the moment. It'll increase when DC3 is older though and I think DC2 is going to start more football in the spring.

£21 a term time month which is swimming once a week for two, dancing once a week for one, brownies once a week for one, music lesson once a week for one and youth club once a week for one.

Assuming your original username was descriptive and not aspirational (!), OP, I think one of your problems is the cost of living in your area. I'm green with envy at some of the prices being quoted. (I'm in the SE.) Anyone saying you're paying out the cost of a mortgage on activities is definitely not in your neck of the woods!

For comparison, I pay (averaged out to include annual costs): £70pcm for DS1, who plays one instrument and one sport, £116pcm for DS3 for one instrument, two sports and one after school club (also does one free club). And £155pcm for DS2 for three instruments and one sport at county level (also does two free clubs). (DS1 and 2 are teenagers, DS3 is in primary.) I haven't included travel costs in this, but my safety valve for keeping those in check is the fact that I bloody hate driving them all over the place and refuse to do more than strictly necessary! I also haven't included exam fees, as they're too sporadic.

DS2 is probably the closest one to being overscheduled, but he loves it all and is a super-relaxed, laid-back child. He loves the social side of what he does as well as working hard at it. No one is pushed to do anything the don't want to, and there are various activities that have gone by the wayside after being tried out for a while. They all have lots of downtime, muddling about, playing on computers, watching the telly, and we spend lots of unstructured time together as a family.

You don't sound as though you are a pushy parent, OP, and your DD seems to have plenty of downtime too, so if you can afford it I would say, why not? It's lovely to let your DCs find their talents and be able to take their opportunities. I was offered a golden opportunity at 11 to train at a national centre of excellence in a sport I was talented in, but couldn't because we couldn't afford it. While that wasn't unreasonable, I've always felt sad about it and wondered what might have happened if my parents had found the money somehow. If you were to axe anything, though, I think I'd go for the drama stuff, which seems disproportionately expensive and is less special somehow, in that lots of kids do it - unlike the diving and gymnastics, which takes ability and talent and are your DD's favourites, it seems.

Dance £35/month, brass band £4/month, Scouts £12/month, cubs £16/month, choir free, violin/piano 2 hours childcare in kind, samba band £20/month, drum lessons £28/ month.
Grand total: £105/ month for 2, not including travel, exams or in kind childcare.

Ds was doing taekwondo which was £40 pm. He now does swimming at £25 pm and he's interested in joining the beavers at £10pm.

DS(13) Guitar & fencing - £70 pcm
DD(9) Piano & swimming - £100 pcm

£170 pcm in total for 2 kids. I've drawn the line at 2 activities each.

Crikey, I've just totted it up and I'm spending almost £1,000 per term on our 2 DDs!

Mind you, a huge part of that is drama lessons at ~ £250 per term each. It's eye wateringly expensive but they absolutely LOVE their drama classes and have also both gained a huge amount of confidence from them.

Then it's swimming (£65 each), musical instruments (£90 & £120 respectively), dance (£40 each), and Brownies (£25 each).

Wow. I'm not sure whether or not I'm glad I've done those sums...

It works out (when equipment, travel etc are factored in) about £150 per month. DD (6) does

Drama
Swimming
Tennis
Rainbows
Choir (school club)

We are looking into a music lesson for her too, she got a guitar and online basic lessons for Christmas which she loves so far, but will see how it goes with that.

DD is 4 and we pay for a swimming lesson once a week which is £8 and a dance lesson once a week which is £5.

How are your swimming lessons so cheap?

We are not in an expensive area and it's still £65 for 6 weeks worth of lessons

My 6 year old does:
Beavers £2.50 per week
Swimming £5.50 per week
Tennis £5 per week
Gymnastics £5 per week

My 4 year old does the same but doesn't do Beavers.

So about £33.50 per week.

About once a month we go to a skate park which is £4.50 each.

Prob works out as up to £150 per month.

DS1 is cheap! - just football. £12.50pm. Plus of course petrol ferrying him to a match once a week which can be up to 20 miles away, and also training once or twice a week which is a couple of miles away.

DS2 is expensive - piano £40pm (5 minutes away) and kung fu £45 pm plus petrol once a week (20 miles away)

We don't distinguish based on cost though. These are the things they want to do. We said one sport and one other thing, but DS1 has no interest in doing anything else which is fine by us :)

Nothing.
He used to play rugby as part of a club but decided to give it up. He's 14 now and has a long school day so time off is precious.
I'd rather pay £1000 every other year for a school ski trip, which he loves.