AIBU to ask how much you spend on activities?

[swlondonmumof2]

Going through our finances, and have worked out that we spend about £550 just on DD's extra curricular activities, including travel there as it involves trains/driving so petrol to some of them. she is a super active child and loves everything she does but it seems excessive. We've already stopped piano, which was £90 a month... She's nearly 8. I'm basically spending more than half my salary just on her activities.

She has a younger brother who doesn't do anything like the kind of stuff she does (too young) he does football which is about £50 a month. we don't have lots of money really, but DH is adamant that she is passionate about all the stuff she does and it's the best use of our money... Part of me thinks when we were kids there was no way we'd have had this much... But on the other hand, if we can give her these opportunities why not? Interested in opinions...

DD6- 20 swimming, 22 dance
DS3- 24 rugby tots
We have membership to a zoo and theme park and go to soft play every couple of weeks but I don't think you're asking about those sort of activities. £550?????

user1483698419

I disagree.

Dancing has been transformative for my daughter. From a very shy 5 year old needing speech therapy and too nervous to speak up in class - to a graceful young woman able to perform solo in a crowded theatre.

Dance has taught my DD so many things and given her amazing life skills.

I am sad that I never had that opportunity.

To clarify. The activities she does, per month, in total, cost £480 approx. the rest are travel costs.

After school clubs at her school are not free. She does 2 a week. One sport and one creative.

She is a very sporty child and likes organised activities.

We don't go on exoensive holidays or spend lots of money on stuff for the house or clothes etc.

Would it be different if I'd said we could comfortably afford it and for our younger one too? Is it about the fact it's not 100% easy for us to pay for all this or that people genuinely think she is doing too much?

In terms of hours, these activities are taking max. 13 hrs a week (not including travel time).

We pay £7 pw each for swimming, £2 pw for Brownies, £4 pw for Cubs, and £12 pw for 1.5 hours of dance. Total for 2 DC £138 per month. Camps cost extra but are generally pretty cheap. You are spending a lot and it looks like too much of your income, especially as you couldn't afford to spend it on your second child too. What strikes me is that you have talked a lot about how much she enjoys gymastics and diving but the majority of your spend seems to be going on the performing arts stuff: £110+£165 = £275. That is a very high amount and everyone I know spending that amount on drama etc has a child whose passion is drama and may well want to work in it. To spend all that on drama when her passion is gym seems odd to me.

tell me why she is doing Lamda?

Calypso- the drama stuff is just v expensive, it's a well known franchise and I do believe it's very good. She does love drama/singing/dancing, but I have asked her (on numerous occasions) if she wanted to stop, particularly as gymnastics is also at the weekend. £165 for LAMDA is not per month though- it's for 6 sessions and includes the exam fee.

nocampinghere- TBH I don't know! Her teacher sent a letter about it, I asked DD if she thought she might like to do it as it would be tacked on to either the start or end of her normal club, she said yes, I thought it would be good for her as she does really love drama. Also I thought it might be good disclipine for her to learn and practice a piece I guess.

It's NOT ridiculous or insane - if she's enjoying these things and visibly gaining from them, there's no problem, provided you can afford (and sustain the time input for getting her there etc)

I just totted up what all the classes my DDs do cost and it came to £1000 and £800 per term. That doesn't include travel (not much as most walkable), uniforms (for ballet, guides etc) multiple dance shoes, sheet music and exam fees. It's not ridiculous to me or them. A couple are after-school clubs used for childcare also.

They both do LAMDA btw; it has been brilliant for them.

DD (10) £12 per term for Guides.
£5 per term for after school club.

DS (5) £45 10 weeks of swimming lessons.
£5 per term for after school club.

Calypso- sorry I didn't really answer your question- the drama stuff just happens to be a lot more expensive than the gymnastics/diving, but yes, gymnastics is her passion, although she claims to absolutely love the drama/dance etc too....

FWIW she's also asked to have swimming and horse riding lessons, obviously I've said no! The thing with DD is she's not a flighty, try something and move on type. She's dedicated to everything she does, so works hard and practices hard. She's very determined to do well and isn't mhch good at being still!

Part of it, I admit, comes from me being generally a bit rubbish as a child- not very talented in anything and very shy, (not that you'd know that now) so to have a DD who is super confident, and appears to at least be vaguely talented in a few things as well as willing to work hard at them is lovely for me. I promise I am not pushy and would let DD give up anything she wanted to- but she doesn't! I let her give up piano as it clearly wasn't suiting her.

Swimming lessons £30 per month

Thanks overandabove. Makes me a bit more secure in my choices!

Also to those who have commented on it being unfair on my younger one- he is a hugely different child but if he does want to do more activities as he gets older we will find a way financially and yes DD might have to cut back hers a bit and we will of course make it fair!

£100 per month. Swimming, Cubs, Dancing X2 and Netball weekly is quite enough.

£900 piano, £900 singing, £300 golf, £300 football club, for 4 years now and if you heard my ds play piano you'd quickly realise that I obviously just like burning money! Come to think of it maybe I'll chuck a few fivers on the fire now !

Works out at £155 a month for 2 kids.

Swimming, karate and theatre club/school

Both of my daughters dance, between them the fees are around £400 per month, wouldn't like to work it out if we included, shoes, costumes, comp fees etc...

Wow, I think that's a lot. I'm generally someone who is happy to support a lot of extra curricular activities.

We do riding (twice a month for 2 kids) £50
Climbing (twice a month for 2 kids) £32
Ballet (weekly for 2 kids) £25
Swimming (weekly 1:1sessions for 2 kids) £90

Plus a couple of free after school clubs.

Could you keep up the activities but reduce the frequency? We limit riding to fortnightly because it's so expensive.

DD (8) does riding, music and drama/dance/singing.

The drama/dance/singing is via one big, national provider. Tbh I think it's overly expensive for what is actually provided, but it's been invaluable for developing confidence etc.

The music lessons are because she particularly wanted to learn the instrument but also because I've got a generally vague, fuzzy belief that learning music has benefits for young developing brains........probably read some pseudo-science somewhere and believed it!

Riding is a passion and something she seems to have a natural affinity for. I wouldn't be surprised if at some point drama et al are dropped in favour of riding/helping at the stables.

These total approx £255 per month, excluding any petrol, uniform, equipment etc.

DD goes to an independent school where music, LAMBDA, languages etc are available as additional activities - but they are expensive and squashed into lunchtimes when she would rather be playing with her friends.

OP, I think I might be a bit similar to you in that I was also a shy child. I didn't have the chance to do these types of activities - they were simply unaffordable. I feel lucky that I can provide DD with the opportunity to try things, find out what she loves to do or is good at and build life skills.

DD loves down time, spent days reading and playing board games over christmas, but is looking forward to getting back to activities this weekend.

I know of some children who have an activity each evening after school and then a packed weekend schedule. To me this is too much , but everyone's different.

If you can afford the activities and everyone is happy then YANBU. If it gets to a point where it's having a detrimental effect on family time / finances or relationships then you can rethink.

Activities are nice to have, if the child is the sort who thrives on them, but not the be all and end all. I seemed to spend most of my childhood weekends watching TV and being dragged to Sunday school but I turned out alright (I think!)

Attheendoftheday- diving is x 1 a week, gymnastics is x 2 a week and the drama etc is x 1 a week... So can't really cut back their frequency.

NottheMrmenagain- DD also enjoyed having some time hanging out in the holidays-but she was more than ready to get cracking on activities again! She loves board/card games etc, she and her brother play great imaginative games together etc. she's definitely not incapable of amusing herself without a structured activity. She sounds v similar to your DD. I bet the 3 hr drama/dance/singing is the same company!

Honestly, she thrives on this stuff. We can afford it (for now) and I am happy to take her to and from stuff. We do have time as a family too.

Maybe next term I could cut the afterschool clubs... Then she'd have 3 week nights out of 5 with no structured activity. TBH the afterschool clubs are a good way for me to spend an hour with my little one just me and him which I think he benefits from!

For our DS - aged 15
Sport 1 - club membership and training fees £10/month.
Sport 1 - subs for each match £ 28/month
Sport 1 - new kit averages out at about £30/month over the year
Sport 1 - competitions/tournaments averages out at about £30/month
Sport 2 - club membership and training £10/month.
Sport 2 - new kit averages out at about £10/month
Music lessons - £85/month
GCSE Tutoring - £120/month
Spends - £30/month
Monthly payment towards an overseas expedition next year £95.

= £448/month

Shit............ I've never added that up before. And I bound to have forgotten stuff. And not counted the petrol we spend driving him round to matches.

My DD also does gymnastics she's 10 and is elite stream doing national gradings. She does a minimum 12 hours a week but a lot more on the run up to comps. I pay no where near £165 per month. Her club is a British gymnastics club with excellent coaches and a lot of equipment. It does seem you might be paying over the odds for your DD unless they are including insurance, club kit, comp fees etc in that.

Boffered to clarify re gymnastics I am paying about £65/70 a month for her 2.5 hrs a week, this includes membership and insurance although the fees are a bit higher the month they do the new year membership. Then I'm paying £20 a week for an hour shared private lesson. Her club is a BG club and one of the best on the country.

So my figures are approx- depends if she has 4 or 5 private lessons a month depending on when the days fall etc.

I worked out I spent £119 a month there two kids 4 and 7 both doing swimming lessons, ballet, tap and gymnastics weekly. I live in Plymouth for context.
We had a family meeting at xmas and the girls agreed they wanted to drop tap and ballet and spend the money on trying horse riding

My middle daughter is a gymnast and seriously that is what our lives revolve around! She spends more time there than at school and I try and not add everything up - monthly fees, insurance, membership, comp leotards, training leotards, kit, condo entry fees, travel & accommodation ( besides Long drives we have 2 U.K. flights and one abroad this year) Its very expensive yes, but I do feel it is worth it as she has found her talent and absolutely loves it, I will continue to encourage her and try not to think about the cost!
My other 2 barely cost anything in comparison, jujitsu and brownies, however there is always uniform, gradings etc with them too.

If it's not one specific thing your daughter loves and excels in and you are paying over £500 for many different activities then I do feel it could be rather excessive. I would chose a couple she really loves and concentrate on those.