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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to buy my 6yo dd the basics only?

66 replies

BaldricksTrousers · 05/01/2017 09:12

And leave her to buy any "nice" "fun" things with her pocket money?

I am sick of DD losing things! In the past week alone she has lost a lovely unicorn woolly hat, a Smiggle notebook, and her brand new Star Wars water bottle from the Disney Store. I understand that this is mega first world problems, but I can't stand how careless she is with her things and her attitude when she discovers it's lost is pretty much "you can buy me a new one!"

So am I unreasonable in thinking that if she buys it with her own money she will be more careful? Or am I expecting too much of a six year old?

OP posts:

mumwhatnothing · 05/01/2017 09:17

She will need to learn the value of items, not just the cost. Tell her how much the items cost and then make her work to the value of the items. Washing up, cleaning her room, weeding the garden until she has "paid" for the items and understands how hard people have to work to afford nice things. Then she can "earn" new things by continuing her chores I suppose. My 6 year old has been similar in thinking there is always money for anything she wants really whereas my son understood that at times nice things comes at the expense of food and clothing and that I had to work very hard for the things he had.

Trifleorbust · 05/01/2017 09:20

It depends on your idea of 'the basics'. Really it's a bit odd to make her buy her own hats and water bottles.

RochelleGoyle · 05/01/2017 09:21

She does need to learn that if she's careless with her things, they won't automatically be replaced. I think a lot of children go through a phase of this blase 'so what' type behaviour. She is very young but not so young she can't start learning to value her possessions a bit more.

Original poster

BaldricksTrousers · 05/01/2017 09:22

Trifle I suppose I mean buy her generic hats and water bottles and the like, and if she wants something fancier to leave her to it.

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 05/01/2017 09:25

I think it's a bit harsh to put her in clothes from the gulag when all her friends get pretty hats and water bottles, just because she lost a few things tbh. I would make it clear to her that items lost won't necessarily be replaced right away and she might hear "No" more from me as a result of her carelessness, but no, I wouldn't just buy basics.

Original poster

BaldricksTrousers · 05/01/2017 09:25

mumwhatnothing That is a great idea. She doesn't really know the value of money either...we try but it's a hard concept for her. But perhaps it's time to start putting a value on certain chores and working towards a savings goal. She's never had to do that before and other might help.

OP posts:

pipsqueak25 · 05/01/2017 09:26

i used to send mine up the chimneys to earn their keep did 'em no harm, well, it did but that's another thread .
my dc went through the losing stuff stage so i only brought cheap stuff and said if you lose it i can't buy another one. a few lunches to school in carrier bags sorted that out and cold heads because we didn't like wearing a hat which was then 'lost' but not replaced with a coveted one.
get her on board with cost and how people have to work hard for money, you can't always buy another because something is lost or broken.or you can end up with a potential spoilt dc

triskellionoflegs · 05/01/2017 09:27

Where is she losing all this stuff? If it's on family outings, I wouldn't expect a 6 yo to be fully responsible for looking after several accessories and would be checking where they are regularly (some may say they should be able, but mine just weren't at that age).
If it's at school, most things turn up IF clearly labelled, have u tried lost property?
I know ideally you'd like her not to lose things, but they do at 6, so if u mind the nicest things going, maybe only let her use them when you are around to make sure she doesn't drop stuff, and get basic replacements if she does lose things?

Original poster

BaldricksTrousers · 05/01/2017 09:29

Haha Trifle buying a store brand hat or Sistema water bottle is hardly from the gulag, a lot of kids have that stuff anyway? She has plainer hats and bottles, but yes I feel that a Smiggle notebook and a Disney Store bottle are luxuries, not a right.

OP posts:

PurpleMinionMummy · 05/01/2017 09:29

Yanbu!

pipsqueak25 · 05/01/2017 09:30

sorry op, do you buy the latest fad stuff or plain and simple, which might not be so interesting but is functional anyway, sorry i'm being a bit dim this morning.

pipsqueak25 · 05/01/2017 09:30

sorry, x posted

RhiWrites · 05/01/2017 09:32

If she has plainer hats and bottles then when she says "you can buy me another" tell her "nope you can go back to your boring old one".

Notso · 05/01/2017 09:32

How has she lost them?
I can understand not replacing like for like but I'm still asking my 6 year old if he has this or that when we are out together or I pick him up from somewhere. I don't think most 6 year olds can be responsible for everything maybe I am lenient though as I am a forgetful adult.
Pretty much everything my kids own is labelled with their name and/or my mobile number.

NancyJoan · 05/01/2017 09:34

I think that's fine. If she's anything like my DD, she will have a small mountain of pencil cases/notebooks/hats/water bottles etc. No need to replace 'special' one because she lost it. If she really want another one, she can spend her money on it, or wait for birthday.

RoganJosh · 05/01/2017 09:34

I think at six that it's the parent's responsibility to be checking they've got everything as they leave a place.
Where are they getting lost?

Original poster

BaldricksTrousers · 05/01/2017 09:35

triskellionoflegs A mix of both. The hat was lost on an outing, it was a cold day and thought she could keep a hat on her head, was I wrong. That was the same day she lost two pounds underneath an aisle at Wilko. I sound like I'm obsessed with stuff and money but it's just been a bad week for it! And I do label her school stuff, but somehow it still goes walkabout!

OP posts:

DefinitelyNotAJourno · 05/01/2017 09:35

I have this with 8yo. When things are broken I don't repair them immediately, I say I'll do them when I get around to them and then take several days and in some cases longer. If they very be repaired, they're not replaced. I currently have a toy sat in the kitchen for over a week that's "waiting for me to have spare money to buy superglue".

I still buy nice things, I mean, 8yos are careless and 6yos even more so. Don't be too harsh.... But just be slow about replacing or repairing so they can get frustrated with themselves rather than you having to be a nag

Artandco · 05/01/2017 09:36

I don't understand where she has lost them? A 6 year old doesn't go out alone and really it's the adultwith her responsibility to remind her she's left something. They don't go out alone at 6

RedSoloCup · 05/01/2017 09:36

She is 6????

I would say it's your responsibility to look after her stuff at 6 not hers?

I make my 6yo leave anything she might lose at home, as for hats etc I make sure she has them when we leave places and ones for school are more basic and have names in them.

My older daughters yes I do expect more from but not my 6yo.

middlings · 05/01/2017 09:36

YANBU. My 3 & 4 year olds get told that if they break/lose something special I won't replace it.

I broke a dish recently (didn't make sure it was properly in a cupboard after I'd taken something out and it fell out next time I opened the door) and DD1 said "Oh Mummy, you weren't being responsible, were you?" in a sad voice. Seriously, talk about your chickens coming home to roost. I did buy a replacement which kind of pisses all over my argument but it is the perfect size for a family Shepherd's Pie!

Headofthehive55 · 05/01/2017 09:37

I make mine go without for a little while before another is bought. No water bottle? Oh dear you lost yours. They soon learn!

nannybeach · 05/01/2017 09:38

Never too early to learn the value of things, and reasonable care of them.My grandkids are always loosing stuff, they start out at school with everything they need, (it IS all properly labeled) and often come home without it.

DailyFail1 · 05/01/2017 09:40

If you get her to buy them from pocket money then she'll just expect you to give her money everytime she's careless. Speaking from experience here.

I personally found not replacing the 'nice things' worked. Dsd kept losing the expensive water bottles I gave her, so sent her to school with a couple of bottles of mineral water. She lost her scarf so I gave her one of my basic 'old lady' ones to wear in winter. There was never a discussion of replacing lost 'nice' items with comparably nice things but it was only when I refused to replace her nice gel ink pens with anything but biros that eventually the lesson was hammered home.

Original poster

BaldricksTrousers · 05/01/2017 09:40

RedSoloCup She is out of my sight for a long time, every day, at school. I do label things but they still go missing.

As for when we're out and about, often I am busy and have a lot of shopping to carry and can't for practical reasons check every two minutes if her hat is present and accounted for! I did have hopes that she could be responsible for some small things...

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