WIBU to buy my 6yo dd the basics only?

[BaldricksTrousers]

And leave her to buy any "nice" "fun" things with her pocket money?

I am sick of DD losing things! In the past week alone she has lost a lovely unicorn woolly hat, a Smiggle notebook, and her brand new Star Wars water bottle from the Disney Store. I understand that this is mega first world problems, but I can't stand how careless she is with her things and her attitude when she discovers it's lost is pretty much "you can buy me a new one!"

So am I unreasonable in thinking that if she buys it with her own money she will be more careful? Or am I expecting too much of a six year old?

Work - Thats mean. Wearing waterproof gloves was surely because it was cold. You didn't name them. Unfortunately lost. To then not replace with basic waterproof gloves so he had to use something indaquate in snow is horrible

If the nice water bottle got lost at school I suspect it's been nicked. That's my experience, anyway. People just rip the labels off.

My kids now have boring sistema bottles for school. They have never gone missing long term. There are two each, so there's time for the 'lost' one to reappear. Most things at school do reappear. But not nice water bottles, snack/lunch boxes, etc.

Artandco That's a bit harsh. Kid probably had decent warm gloves to wear to school but thought he'd be swish and wear his ski gloves. They weren't labelled because I'm sure there was an understanding that he was never, ever to wear them to school. Horrible is a bit of an overstatement?

This may have been recommended, but how about you buy her the nice things, and explain that if she loses them the replacements will be cheaper generic ones.
My DD started losing things and I said, yeah ok, well the second pair will be the cheapest I can find.
She understands that I haven't got the money to keep replacing things.

Art- I took work's post to mean that her DS had deliberately sneaked them out. Justified to not replace them really.

I do as the poster above that said they replace things slowly, so children understand the value of their items more. And with a "boring" version. DS is terrible, his stuff is all labelled but never comes back, and their uniform costs a fortune. He has had items replaced from the second hand shop (which he hates) because of how many times he's lost them. Seems to be working for now.

My DD (11) still remembers the hat she lost at 6 that she adored but wasnt replaced (she has half a dozen), and the cuddly she lost at 4. She had been warned not to take the cuddly out (up a busy high street) with her, but she insisted, and lost it from her hands . She never took one out again in those circumstances.
She doesn't lose things ever, because those losses meant so much to her personally.

Are you sure the hat isn't in an adult's pocket? I know I grumbled at DS (7) for losing his new scarf and then at his dad when it turned up at the bottom of the swimming bag where DH had stuffed it (I'm at work when DS goes to swimming lessons). A hat is the sort of thing where a 6 year old would say "I'm too hot, can you have this?" then then run off through the park.

my kids get generic poundland (or cheaper) gloves and hats for school

they don't tend to lose them, except a few families obviously think I need to supply their children too as they've gone missing from in bags before now.

6 year olds can be very responsible, but things still go missing with the "help" of others at school (and yes, I label them but they still don't come back)

She's 6, I think your response would be more appropriate for a slightly older child. How about you buy nice things once. If lost, item is then replaced with basic/plain version by you or replaced by her with pocket money.

I started making ds1 pay for replacement jumpers etc age 9 and it worked but even I think 6 is very young.

I agree it may not necessarily be her fault - I find in those early years nice things do tend to get "lost" at school but those basic items somehow never do.

I now stick to the basics as a matter of course: children should be defining themselves by who they are and what they do, not what they own anyway,

Dd gets nice things for Xmas and birthday and sometimes during the year. She lost a school jumper in reception and a cardigan in yr1 when she was younger and I talked to her about the importance of looking after her stuff. Since then, nothing. She is now yr4 and 8 would be devastated if she lost anything now because she looks after her things so well. She was in bits when she thought she'd lost a £2 hairband she loves. It turned up but I'd already said I'd replace it if it didn't. Because had I not, I'd have the opposite issue to you - a child beating themselves up terribly over nothing. I obviously wouldn't replace an expensive item. And I also wouldn't replace something, I'd told her she was taking with her at her own risk. I.e. I didn't want her to take something with her but she insisted she would look after it.

In your place, I wouldn't buy your dd all generic things and only nice things for Xmas and birthdays because fitting in at 6 is very important and children often want the same thing as a friend. I did buy dd the odd pinafore and cardigan to be the same as a friend when she was younger and she went through the smiggle craze last year. At 8, she longer has this massive need and is far more of an individual. I would emphasise the importance of looking after her things. I would ask your dd if she has x y and z and check that she has everything on school pick up if you are around. As for the hat. She's little, it's easily done and as a parent of a 6 year old, you are also responsible for this loss. Some schools (even primary) are notoriously poor for things going missing and being pilfered. We don't have a big issue at dds school but my friend does as her sons school so I'd cut her some slack because you may find out there is a problem at the school and she may be having things stolen. Kids have taken the odd smiggle pencil or rubber from her but at my friends school, coats have been taken.

Good lord - no child ever suffered from having a plain basic hat or water bottle! I think mine have only ever taken plain bottles to school and I used to bulk buy plain gloves from Primark at the start of winter (I still do and DC are nearly 18, 16 and 11)

SoupDragon sew them into their sleeves with elastic! That's what I do! Have to wash 'em regularly though. They get dragged through allsorts.

My 8 yr old is a little like this. we now have a new system, she has a Go Henry account with a debit card (you put money on and set up parameters for spending so all safe etc), I pay for all clothes, school stuff, clubs etc but she buys everything else so books, smiggle stuff, sweets, toys etc. she gets £5 pocket money per week and then she can earn extras for sorting washing, etc or lose for bad behaviour. this seems to be working and she is certainly a lot more careful choosing what she buys.

SoupDragon sew them into their sleeves with elastic!

I have fond memories of being a small child with one glove on the end of a length of string and an empty space on the other...

I don't see the problem with saying (for example) "sorry dd, you lost your good hat, I can pick you one up in poundland or you can buy another nice one with your Christmas money.." And generic water bottles are probably safer for school anyway.

Soup, ahh - a flaw in my plan. I also suspect that after the age of 5 I might encounter objections to this.

Also, neither of them actually wear the bloody things.