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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the nurses shouldn't have spoken in a different language in front of me?

485 replies

ColouringTheBrain · 04/01/2017 18:56

If I start by saying I think our NHS staff do a great job Smile I'm not looking to be flamed, I genuinely want to know if I'm BU.

I had to go to the hospital today, the nurse that initially dealt with me was kind and gentle, also in the room was a colleague of hers ( another nurse). The nurse took my bloods, then went to get another machine, it was then that the two nurses started talking to each other in a different language ( I'm not trying to be vague, I just haven't got a clue what language it was). It made me feel really uncomfortable as it was directly in front of me, whether they were talking about me, or what's on TV, or other members of staff I feel is irrelevant, I felt like they shouldn't be doing it in front of a patient. Obviously I didn't say anything, I wasn't feeling the best anyway, but I also felt slightly intimidated I suppose.

AIBU, or should I just accept it as part of the care?

OP posts:
Backingvocals · 04/01/2017 19:54

I think it's rude and unprofessional. In a professional workplace in the UK the language used in front of clients or service users should be one of the languages of the UK, typically English.

We have a multilingual staff. They wouldn't speak a shared language in front of me that I don't share. Perhaps because I am the boss - but all the more reason to extend the same courtesy to a patient.

user1471545174 · 04/01/2017 19:55

YANBU, OP!

CaraAspen · 04/01/2017 19:56

I think the consensus here is that the OP was not being at all unreasonable to feel as she did.

limitedperiodonly · 04/01/2017 19:57

YANBU. No one has ever done this to me but I have been treated by consultants who discussed me in English as if I wasn't there. Different but just as intimidating and just as unprofessional. You must include the patient at all times or go and have your conversation where they can't hear you. It takes a lot of courage to confront people who do this and that might be in short supply when you're ill and vulnerable.

WeAllHaveWings · 04/01/2017 19:59

YANBU. It is becoming more and more common to be in an environment with people who speak other languages and while they may feel more comfortable speaking in their first language, if there are people there who don't speak that language they could feel uncomfortable and insecure. It is always best to speak in the language most understood by all.

In a hospital environment where patients will already feel vulnerable it is very inconsiderate to do this, especially when there were only 3 of you in the room.

Diemme · 04/01/2017 19:59

YANBU. Surely basic manners dictate that when 3 people are in a room it is not acceptable for 2 of them to communicate in a way that excludes the third, whether it's by whispering, sign language, a foreign language or whatever. I wouldn't expect my friends to treat me like that, and I certainly wouldn't accept it from professionals where I was a service user in any situation.

BBCNewsRave · 04/01/2017 19:59

Tallula My point is that there is nothing intimidating about hearing people speak in a foreign language, however rude it is.

Firstly, the OP wrote "I also felt slightly intimidated I suppose". She's not confidently stating it was intimidating, more suggesting some kind of feeling in that general area.

Secondly, for humans as a social species it seems quite normal to feel a bit on edge or concerned or intimidated or whatever, if you are the one in the group somehow left out whilst others communicate secretly. Suppose they'd been whispering to each other, for example.

It is quite hard to know without the body language though - if they'd been saying "this is how to use this machine" or even "what an ugly patient this is" you'd think it would be quite obvious...

blowmybarnacles · 04/01/2017 20:00

YANBU. They could be talking about you and you didn't know - rude
Talking general chit chat between the two of them when a third person there - rude, and getting away with it by talking in another language.

Deliaskis · 04/01/2017 20:00

I speak several languages and have been in hospitals in several countries as a patient and for work, as well as having lived abroad, and I think YANBU. Two people excluding a third by speaking another language is rude, and akin to whispering or passing secret notes, so also unprofessional. It doesn't matter a jot what they were talking about, but is made worse by the fact that they were supposed to be making you feel comfortable and at ease.

MeetTheMartian · 04/01/2017 20:00

YANBU and I say that as a 'foreigner' who is speaking to her dcs in a foreign language.
When the dcs were little, I chose to follow the OPOL metthod so was always speaking to them in my language, regardless of the situation. At 3 or 8yo, it doesn't t matter. What you are going to say isn't going to be the most interesting thing ever!
But now that they are teenagers, I've switched to English whenever we are with people who speak English. Because our conversations are more complex, could be about the people around (or they could have something to say on the subject etc..). I think it's simple politeness. Besides, since June last year, I often feel unconfortable spea,ONG a foreign langauge out and about :(
Having said that, I would assume that they were talking about work. As they are working in the uk and I expect their English was good enough, I would expect them to speak English too between them. At least, that's what I have seen happening in any other company I've worked for where we a few speaking the same language.

I'm not sure why you felt intimidated though. Feeling excluded yes but afraid? Why was that? (You might also see WHY I am now weary of speaking my home language wth my own dcs in public though...)

BarbarianMum · 04/01/2017 20:00

Oh OK, so if they'd spoken in Welsh or Gaelic then it wouldn't be rude, even if the OP didn't understand what was said. Only rude if it is in a dirtyforeign language. Hmm

reallybadidea · 04/01/2017 20:01

Even if they were talking about you, it might have been information that you shouldn't be privy to in case it worries you.

In fact the idea that this might be the reason for speaking in a foreign language, because your condition warrants concern and that your nurses don't want to worry you, is one of the reasons why nurses shouldn't do this!

The lack of empathy on this thread is astounding.

Backingvocals · 04/01/2017 20:03

Don't be silly Barbarian. We are actually in the UK and the expectation is that everyone can speak at least some of one of our languages. And if you don't speak any of the UK languages then feeling excluded is going to be very common. But given that most people speak at least a bit of one of our languages, typically English, sticking to those languages is a good way not to exclude people.

dovesong · 04/01/2017 20:04

I think it was a bit rude of them to have a chat in front of you that excludes you, no matter what language it was in. If it was just a couple of passing sentences, though, of course it wouldn't be a big deal. People should communicate in the way they find easiest and most effective. But if it was a proper chinwag it was quite mean.

MeetTheMartian · 04/01/2017 20:05

WeAll actually it is easier to speak in the language you are using to do that thing.
So if you are working in English, speaking to patients in English and to the consultants etc... it will much easier to speak on English about work with one of your colleagues, even if you share the same mother tongue.
I would even say that trying to speak in your mother tongue about something you've done in another language is hard work and requires a perfect handle of both languages in that subject (not always obvious if e.g. They've learnt about one procedure in the uk rather than at home)

My gut feeling is that they were talking about anything but work when they switched to their own language. And people unable to undtatsn is allowing them to do that whereas if they were speaking English, they could never afford to do it iyswim.

TributeFromDistrictTwelve · 04/01/2017 20:05

I empathize with you about this. My late sister's carers spoke other languages in our home in front of us, my best mate (Kurdish) speaks Sorani with his mates in front of me and my ex-h (Moroccan) spoke various other languages to friends and relatives in front of me even though most these other people could speak English. I used to pretend I didn't mind so as not to rock the boat but in reality it wasn't nice or necessary.

Some on this thread have mentioned other people in other countries don't have a problem with it and that it's just us, that may be true but as we don't do it they should respond to that in the same way we recognize their ways when we are in their countries. Yeh there's a lazy arrogance in the UK when it comes to learning languages but that's a whole other issue

DotForShort · 04/01/2017 20:05

Of course a private conversation between two people is no one's business but their own. Once again (for the third or fourth time), if the conversation was directly related to the OP's medical care or condition, they should have spoken in English. I certainly hope they would not have discussed a patient in front of her in a language she could not understand. But if they were talking about something else (e.g., "Can you help me move this machine to the next room in a minute"), then it really does not concern the OP.

I really don't understand what could possibly be intimidating about being in the presence of people speaking another language, nor do I understand why that would make anyone uncomfortable. If the OP was worried they might be discussing her, then by all means she could have asked whether something was wrong, etc. And I would hope the nurses would have reassured her.

The U.K. is the only country I have ever been in where people become so suspicious about hearing other languages. I've never encountered it anywhere else, not in the U.S. (lived there for many years), not in continental Europe, truly nowhere but the U.K. I wonder why.

Backingvocals · 04/01/2017 20:06

And yes people should feel entitled to speak in Welsh in Wales, because, you know, it's one of the languages of Wales. If I lived in a Welsh-speaking area of Wales I'd expect to hear Welsh spoken a lot even if I didn't understand it. I wouldn't expect to hear Spanish spoken in an official setting such as a hospital.

Original poster
ColouringTheBrain · 04/01/2017 20:06

I think you're right CaraAspen, thank you Smile

OP posts:
CurbsideProphet · 04/01/2017 20:08

I don't think YABU. Being in hospital is not pleasant at the best of times. There were only the three of you in the room, so you sat there feeling uncomfortable while they had their private conversation.

MeetTheMartian · 04/01/2017 20:08

colouring could you explain though the fact you felt intimated?

Wondering as a foreigner as to what would make some people unconfortable (obviously I'm not talking about the situation you were in. As I said before, i don't think it was appropriate)

oldlaundbooth · 04/01/2017 20:09

You're in England and your taxes are paying for the NHS? Of course the language should be English.

Even if they were discussing what they are having for their bloody tea it should be in English.

What they did was unprofessional and rude.

bunnylove99 · 04/01/2017 20:09

Barbarian you are being unhelpful and inflammatory. OP YANBU. The nurses were being rude and unprofessional.

Backingvocals · 04/01/2017 20:09

As for other nations not being bothered by this, having lived in France and other French-speaking countries, I can tell you that the French, understandably, get very annoyed about French not being used in official settings.

dottydee3 · 04/01/2017 20:09

YANBU they are rude!

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