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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of being mistaken for a teenager?

52 replies

AVirginLitTheCandle · 04/01/2017 16:10

I know...I know...first world bloody problems and I realise I'll be grateful one day...

I'm turning 26 next month but I don't look it. I look younger and people regularly think I'm about 18/19 however I've had people assume I'm even younger than that! Just this morning someone asked me if I was back at school yet Shock. Turns out she thought I was 16, wtf!

I feel like people don't take me seriously because they think I'm younger and they often talk to me as if I'm younger than I am iyswim. In other words I get talked down to a lot and like I'm stupid. I have to keep reminding people that I'm a grown woman in my mid 20's and not a clueless teenager.

Anyway I'm off to get a bottle of wine now. Assuming I can remember where I left my ID...

Smile
OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 04/01/2017 16:13

I'm 38, I still get it.

Fortunately, I have a severe case of bitchy resting face (see username), so they tend not to condescend too much. Wink

JadeT2 · 04/01/2017 16:24

I get it. I'm 26 and married with a DSD who's 6 and a one DD who's 2 months. I definitely get looked at like I'm babysitting relatives or a school aged mum when I'm out. Doesn't help that my wedding rings still won't go back on my swollen fingers at the moment but when they do I look like a child bride.

I just try to remind myself that I'll be grateful when I'm older and people (hopefully) think my grandchildren are my children!

pigsDOfly · 04/01/2017 16:25

Are you petite OP? One of my daughters has the same thing, she's not particularly short - around 5.3 but is very slim and rarely wears makeup.

She's in her late twenties now and has two small DC so looks permanently tired, which probably makes her look older :) but when she was pregnant with her first - now 2 and half years old - she used to get some really odd looks from people, imagine they thought she was a heavily pregnant 14 year old - although being really slim she did look as if she had a beech ball stuck up her jumper so that could have been the reason for the odd looks.

pigsDOfly · 04/01/2017 16:26

*beach ball

QueenMortificado · 04/01/2017 16:29

I went for a run earlier, stepped out the house without make up on and my hood up

A guy stopped and said "excuse me brother.... Do you know where XYZ is?"

He thought I was a guy! And a slightly gangster one at that.

TheCatsMother99 · 04/01/2017 16:31

I know where you're coming from as I get a little frustrated by this too for the same reasons, that I sometimes don't feel like I'm taken seriously and am often condescended. I'm in my 30's by the way.

Prime example - Just before Christmas I had someone patronise me throughout a phone call at work, then, trying to be all cheery at the end of it (to cover up the fact he had been a bit of an arsehole during the conversation), he did the usual 'what are you doing for Christmas?' chat. Except, amongst other little comments here and there I was asked by this older gentleman who was cooking dinner for me this year, my mum or dad. So cliche but it was more the way he said it than what exactly he said. I took great pride in explaining how my DH's parents and my DP come to ours for Christmas dinner and I cook.

LeadPipe · 04/01/2017 16:33

Very funny, queen - did you fist bump him?

I hired a temporary nanny over the break, she was quite petite but 23 years old. She absolutely looked like a young teen - my neighbour asked who DS's new "friend" was! DS is 13!

I bet she gets tired of it. She really does look young.

deai · 04/01/2017 16:36

I get this, what bothers me is how people think its ok to treat actual teena though. A customer tutted at me at work the other day, im pregnant and she was muttering something about kids having kids. Shock in 25 so just thouht "well im not a kid but how rude" but if she said that to an actual teen how horrible would that have been!?

QueenMortificado · 04/01/2017 16:36

I replied "yo blud! It's first on the right, d'ya get me yeah?"

Actually I bustled in my very British most lady like manner with poshest Queen's accent "you'll find it around the next corner sir, a good day to you".

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 04/01/2017 16:37

This sounds like a stealth boast!Wink
I only got asked for id once when I was 18. I obviously look ancient! Nice problem to have being mistaken for a teenager!

MeadowHay · 04/01/2017 16:38

I feel you! I'm 23 and get this as well when I'm not wearing makeup (which is most of the time), especially because I never wear heels, I have acne, and I tend to dress in teenagey type ways (big hoodies, skinny jeans, mucky converse etc). It is a bit annoying but more funny than anything really and I hope in the future I will continue to look young and I will be happy about it then!

WilliamHerschel · 04/01/2017 16:42

Happens to me too (I'm 29) and is very annoying. I also got judgemental looks and the odd comment when I was pregnant aged 26 but looking younger. I don't think there's anything you can do to change it though. Just wait for aging to take its course. Sometimes I worry that when I get older I'll still look young but have loads of wrinkles. Like a young, wrinkly thing. I hope I look just 'mature' one day.

Lireal · 04/01/2017 16:44

I used to have this but have aged a bit now with 2 small dc. I sometimes got patronised when I was at work because they thought I was a placement student rather than an experienced mid level professional. Sometimes asked to make tea and coffee. I liked to give an inner sneer when I then fronted the meeting, etc.
Perhaps a state of mind or makeover would help.
Apparantly short hair makes you look older, more mature.
Try to channel an air of competence and professionalism.
Or draw some wrinkles on your face. Grin

downwardfacingdog · 04/01/2017 16:45

It is quite shocking how rude some adults are to teens/young adults. I never get mistaken for being young (mid 30s) but when I was young people used to comment on my height daily (6ft 1) It used to really get me down, people shouting out in the street 'you're tall' etc. Now hardly anyone mentions it (I haven't shrunk), but I enjoy being able to go about my day without feeling like a freak.

downwardfacingdog · 04/01/2017 16:47

I still get called 'sir' fairly regularly though, sigh.

amusedbush · 04/01/2017 16:49

I'm 26 and people frequently think I'm a teenager. I get ID'd for everything, I get dodgy looks when I refer to "my husband" and I've also been asked why I wasn't in school Blush

I work as a course administrator in a university and I'm easily mistaken for a first year!

insan1tyscartching · 04/01/2017 16:50

When we go out for food dd still gets offered the children's menu Grin she is 23. She has started giving them the Hmm look which makes them think again pretty sharpish well it's either that or her brothers bursting out laughing that does it Wink

Minivaperviper · 04/01/2017 16:51

I look quite young but I think it's because I have a round face and big eyes. Doesn't help I've recently got train tracks so probably look even younger or just confirm it to the doubters even though I am 25.Confused

happynewyearchum · 04/01/2017 16:52

Preaching to the choir sista.

It's really embarrassing at times - it is in no way flattering and I get what you mean about not being taken seriously.

insan1tyscartching · 04/01/2017 16:55

Then again one of her brothers was asked for ID in Ladbrokes by a new assistant. He offered his Ladbroke's loyalty card and the manager said "oh we don't need his ID he's been coming in for years" He was seventeen when asked, him and his friends had been going in regularly for three or four years Hmm

Teatowelfairy · 04/01/2017 16:56

I get this a lot (I'm 29 & have 4dc). The funny thing is when I look in the mirror & see the eyebags after another sleepless night with the 2 youngest DC I feel like I look a lot older so it feels bloody amazing when everyone mistakes me for being a teen annoying as hell when I want a bottle of wine but forget my id

deste · 04/01/2017 16:57

My DD is 30 but looks the same age as her pupils. The only way you can tell is she has on work clothes while the pupils have on uniforms.

Isadora2007 · 04/01/2017 16:59

I'm well jealous. I have never been ID'd even when I was 14 andbuying booze!
My mum and sister both have young looking faces though. Mum used to get her and my sister on the bus for halves when she was 30! And regularly got asked "is your mum in?" When she answer the door.

My 39 year old sister was asked for ID buying a caffeinated drink last year... Hmm

I guess I just look mature for my age. Though some people (thankfully) express surprise that I have a 19 year old son so I can't look ancient!!

happynewyearchum · 04/01/2017 17:00

Am I the only one who emails colleagues (that you don't know in person) and it's all great and constructive then you meet them in person and they can't believe you're the same person Angry

Saukko · 04/01/2017 17:01

Are these people strangers? Try and ignore strangers. You can't really do much about them, but avoiding eye contact and not engaging with them helps.

When I was mid-20s I googled around and took on board a few tips to looking my age. Swapped trainers and hoodies for smarter clothes, for example. Also, I was guilty of a few verbal bad habits that made me seem insecure and nervous - too much 'sorry', too much use of a tone that suggested subservience or a fear to express an opinion - and that alone makes someone seem young. It isn't height, clothes or wrinkles that make someone seem older or younger, it's usually more like confidence or how they hold themselves in a group. Act big! Like a kitten poofing up fur.

You shouldn't have to literally remind people of your age. If you think they are being rude, challenge it head on as if the rudeness were coming from another angle - are they just horrible people? Are they being sexist? Are they undermining your work? If you think they are underestimating your intelligence or your aptitude, answer like a middle aged man would. What WOULD Kevin from accounts say if someone was accusing him of not being experienced with, say, a system they had designed? He'd be quite frosty. He might even quite plainly say "I'm more than familiar with this area, if you don't mind."

Anyway, basically it happened to me less more confident I acted, or was, and it happens to me more if I look at the ground, mumble, act nervous or unsure and basically like I did when I was 15. Once you're all out there head-held-high people suss you're competent.