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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DDs voices

144 replies

MummyEire · 04/01/2017 13:11

Posting on here for traffic

I have posted before about Dd and self harming and some background information about bereavement,school changes,abuse and you were all so helpful so thank you flowers
I don't know how to link but here is my previous thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2801692-To-think-my-DD-needs-help

DD went back to school yesterday after a lovely Christmas holiday together planning all sorts of adventures for the new year .

She's been sent home early from school today because she was absolutely hysterical and they couldn't calm her down. In the middle of a lesson she's burst out crying saying 'he's touching me ,tell him to stop,tell him to stop talking' . Her teacher said she was shaking,struggling to breathe whilst crying and pastoral staff couldn't calm her down. When they tried to help her stand up and get out the lesson she started fight back and scream, (She can't stand people touching her) so the class had to move into another classroom

She refuses to engage with counsellors/services to a point where she won't say a word in the sessions . I don't know how to handle today's situation. Do I talk to her about this today or let her rest?

OP posts:

ems91 · 05/01/2017 21:49

Didn't want to read and run! As I've seen, your DD doesn't wish to engage with any services, but our CAMHS team (Nottingham) are really good at starting off with observations and gradually building up to a trusting relationship. Maybe the GP could refer to your local CAMHS if you think it could help in any way if you haven't already been referred... they can also work with families and come up with strategies to use at home, school etc..

Original poster

MummyEire · 05/01/2017 22:03

I'll get some stuff for her to keep the cuts clean.

We have been referred twice to CAMHs but each time I've been told they can not help her .

OP posts:

AnaMaleka · 05/01/2017 22:41

Lifewill i think you did amazingly. That's a very tough decision to take. From my point of view, it's similar to knowing your teenage daughter is having unprotected sex with multiple partners and doing nothing because you don't like it or providing her with the pill and condoms. Difficult, but perhaps the lesser of two evils.

AnaMaleka · 05/01/2017 22:45

Op I may be missing something. So you go to GP and tell them your daughter was abused and is self harming and they refer to CAHMS and then CAHMS say they can't help? Who do they think can?! Do they have any suggestions or they just leave you high and dry?! It seems crazy!

Rixera · 05/01/2017 23:32

AnaMaleka my experience with CAHMS was pretty much like that. I was experiencing visual and auditory hallucinations at the time due to the DID and repressed stuff but they basically said I was lying about self harming because I refused to strip and show them, and that my other symptoms weren't worth treating because I wasn't planning on harming anyone else.

Yes, they really are that bad.

RASASC were much better though.

MummyEire, maybe have a firm plan with your daughter about exactly what she will do while you are out so she doesn't feel put of control, lost or at a loose end.
For eg, tidy your clothes and put them away. Make yourself scrambled eggs on toast for lunch. Then play the sims until I get back, whereby we can go to your favourite cake shop together and have tea and cake.

It's a plan and plans are nice. Also that glowing teddy looks lovely! Wonder if OH would let me get one... Might stop me kicking him in the middle of the night :')

Original poster

MummyEire · 06/01/2017 07:25

They told me to speak to the school about the school nurse instead ana .

I like the idea of the plan,she's very paranoid that something bad might happen when I'm out so I've booked her in for an activity she usually does on welleneds to keep her busy. I'm hoping the sciool are helpful in this meeting. Finger crossed . Xx

OP posts:

Original poster

MummyEire · 06/01/2017 12:33

The meeting went quite well. Off to take DD out for lunch . Will update later on

OP posts:

Original poster

MummyEire · 06/01/2017 16:17

Update on the meeting-

There is a lady from CAMHS that comes into the school,she usually talks to the students with special needs who need a bit of help but the school said they can put DD down on the list but only if she wants to talk to the lady.

They've apologised about the last couple of days and we discussed DD's triggers and how the staff could help too. She's also got a time out card now

OP posts:

AnaMaleka · 06/01/2017 18:15

It sounds like they're taking it seriously. Perhaps what she said during the flashback has made them take note - it was pretty chilling. What does she think about the outcome?

Op and Rixera I wrote you both a response and I thought it was posted but now I don't see it. I'm shocked about the way you've both been treated by CAHMS. When you're in clear need but for whatever reason the door is shut in your face that's horrific. for you both.

Original poster

MummyEire · 06/01/2017 18:45

It really is chilling,heartbreaking for me
I'm quite happy with how it went. Dd says she talk to the lady at school and see what she's like and if she thinks that she's able to talk to her then she will have a session with her again. I'm so happy DD is giving it a go x little steps,we will get there

OP posts:

Rixera · 06/01/2017 19:20

That's so fantastic! All she needs is a willingness to try. I'm so glad they're at least responding somewhat at school. Now they've acknowledged at least somewhat you can always keep pushing and prompting when things need amending further.
Maybe if your DD doesn't want to talk about it with the school counsellor, she could talk about practical issues like stress, how to focus and stay calm, like many other peers need help with? Just helps feeling normal to go with a more normal issue, build trust and go from there.

Original poster

MummyEire · 06/01/2017 19:45

Dd isn't one to trust people easily so I can't imagine her talking to the counsellor about it straight away . She's feeling really low right now but I'm glad she's going to meet the counsellor at school on Monday . Thank you for your help Rixera xx

OP posts:

BurningBridges · 06/01/2017 19:47

Mummy I see that a previous poster referred you to Young Minds - did you have any luck there?

Original poster

MummyEire · 06/01/2017 19:50

Yes young minds were the ones who suggested I arrange a meeting with the school and to also book an appointment with a different Gp.

OP posts:

Original poster

MummyEire · 09/01/2017 17:17

Dd had another bad day at school so I've decided to take her out for the rest of the week and book appointments.

They were Reading a book in a lesson and got to a point where the was a sex scene between a couple and then a rape seen. DD said she was trying to keep together until one of the pupils asked her if she was okay or if she was going to cry and make a 'fuss again.'

DD then started crying and walked out the lesson until the head of year and school CAMHs counsellor found her. She refused to talk to them but school have assured me that they will be speaking to the girl.

OP posts:

BurningBridges · 09/01/2017 18:17

You did the right thing; she can't be in that environment at the moment.

Rixera · 09/01/2017 18:31

How awful for her. She did fantastically to leave the lesson, that's the complete appropriate response- remind her she is brave, I hope she realises just how great a step that was to recognise what was going wrong and to take herself out of the situation.

Original poster

MummyEire · 09/01/2017 20:08

Thank you both. Going to focus on getting her to think about counselling and teach her some grounding techniques.

OP posts:

MarilynWhirlwindRocks · 31/01/2017 07:48

Hi OP,

Was just wondering how your DD is getting on? Hopefully both of you are having a better time? x

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