To think that now I'm doing his washing

[cinnamonswirler]

And staying over six nights a week, I may actually have moved in?

Think it through before you start the washing.

It will be followed by ironing
Then cooking
Then cleaning...

Sounds like you've moved in to me. Same happened with dh (then fiance). He came over for dinner on xmas day 2 years ago and stayed bar one or two nights every couple of weeks. He just eventually stopped going home at some stage.

Ha! Too late about the cooking and cleaning...

6 nights a week ? yes, sorry but why are you asking such an obvious question or is he saying you've not moved in ? in which case that is a from me.

I was contemplating offering for a friend to move in to help her out, and his reaction was 'where will you live'? I thought 'where the fuck do you think I live' was an appropriate answer

Where do you usually live? Whose idea was it that you did the cooking, cleaning and washing?

Clearly it not time to mention the division of labour over Christmas, then...

I have my own house but he wants me to go to his each night really. I only don't if either of us have our children or go out with friends.

Why are you washing, cooking and cleaning in a home you don't live in? How did that come about?

But if you have your own place, then no you haven't moved in.

Why do it stealthily? Why not have a conversation?

Why are you cleaning someone else's house? What did he do before you moved in?

Why are you doing his washing cooking and cleaning? How did that even happen? What does he do for you?

What everyone else said. Honestly, OP, why have you acceded to a scenario where you're the little woman who treks over to his place every night, cooks, cleans and does the laundry, and is available for sex, presumably, and your boyfriend is too lazy to nip over to yours?

How often do you both have your children? Have they met? Do they get on? Would they all be staying there with you if you officially move in? Only you say you go when you don't have them which is 6 nights a week?

Plus, what everyone else said. Why the chuffin hell are you cooking, cleaning and washing in someone else's house unless you're being paid the going rate for doing so

It isn't as you make out - but then it never is!!

Yes we both have children, yes they have met but my eldest is too independent to want to move in with him, and I will always have to provide a home for my children, so actually moving in officially isn't currently an option

So, OK, OP. You're unimpressed enough with the situation to post about it on an Internet forum. Explain why the scenario isn't as appallingly unequal as your description seems to suggest? Because it makes you sound like Mrs Mop, and I can't see what you get out of it.

Stop doing his cooking, cleaning and washing! Why the actual fuck are you doing that anyway? Don't discuss the division of labour, just stop doing his work for him.

So what if he wants you to go to his house? Is he the boss of you?

Why, just why? I am absolutely boggling at the idea of someone going round to their boyfriend's house and doing his cleaning and washing for him. You have children, do you not have enough work of your own?

Actually, my oven needs cleaning, the beds need changing and I'd love a home cooked pie tonight. Could you pop round please and do it? I won't pay you but I will let you watch the TV afterwards and put a photo of us on FB. I expect you normally offer sexual services as part of the deal but I'll pass on that.

OP, unless you provide a clear explanation of the situation then you can't get huffy abour people not understanding your circumstances.

Unpaid housekeeper. Presumably with some sexual services thrown in.

don't understand any of this, but then i'm probably being a bit dim.

I hope it is different to how it appears at first glance. Have you been together long? I would very quickly lose any respect for a boyfriend who wanted to invite me round every evening but was then happy to sit back and watch me "do" for him in his own home. Unless he was regularly returning the favour.

And no, if you don't live there I agree, a discussion on division of labour shouldn't be required, certainly not with you doing the lions share, it's his house!

Fair enough to offer to wash up if he's cooked for you but there's no way I'd do more than that

I'm not getting huffy - this started as lighthearted and has been coming down on me like a ton of bricks!

There has been no quantification of HOW much cooking and cleaning I do, it has been a presumption that it's masses and all of it - which is the case...

you're his free home help, are you mad??
whats in this for you?

Do you pay him rent for your 6 nights?

This gets weirder.

I am even more boggled at how you could feel light-hearted about this.

Are you really not bothered? Really?