To think that now I'm doing his washing

[cinnamonswirler]

And staying over six nights a week, I may actually have moved in?

So he financially supports you and you help around his house?

she's probably happy that she's practically moved in with her chap.

What exactly is there to be happy about? She gets to do more laundry?

She's probably happy because she thinks she's 'made it' and stupidly willing to overlook the actual set up...

I'm genuinely curious now - do none of you EVER put on a wash that may contain some laundry belonging to their OH? Because that's what it sounds like to me.

Also, do you NEVER say 'I fancy x for dinner, I'll put it on'? Because that's what it sounds like to me.

If these two points are correct, you're right, I have no understanding of relationships...

Barefoot - made what?

I'm genuinely curious now - do none of you EVER put on a wash that may contain some laundry belonging to their OH?

do none of you EVER put on a wash that may contain some laundry belonging to their OH?

No I have never gone to someone else's house to do my laundry and grabbed some of theirs to do. I do my laundry at my house and any boyfriends I've had have (I presume) done their own at their houses. When I lived with my partner we both did the laundry as necessary. Does your boyfriend come to your house and do your laundry?

No, I'm not going to his house to cook and clean for him. I'm going to his house to be together, and they are part of daily life, no?

I could not abide a situation where I had to wear the same clothes two days in row because I was in danger of washing his socks with my own clothes.

Ditto for not eating what I wanted to eat in case I accidentally made him some too. This really happens?

I'm just wondering what he does for you that is so identifiable. I think that's why people thought it must be sexual.

I do almost all the washing in our house but my husband does the cooking, same with most jobs- we split them. It's fine to do stuff for him as long as you're not treated like the skivvy.

I don't get the big deal about washing clothes on Mn. You shove them in then take them out

You don't actually sit and wash them in a bowl. You just open and close a door. Yet it's made out to be a hard task on here

Actually we lived apart for the first 6 years of our relationship. We did our own washing at our own homes and cooked at our own houses for each other. I don't think I ever cooked for him at his house. We started sharing chores when we moved in together.

If he was coming to yourself but not cooking or doing any washing he would be called a cocklodger

Yet you do it and he's lazy and you are getting used.

I'm going to his house to be together, and they are part of daily life, no?

And so he comes to your house for half the week and cooks and cleans for you whilst there?

Thank, nerr - a plausible response!

I could not abide to be a relationship that didn't balance, financially, practically or emotionally, so I am a bit taken aback that that conclusion has been jumped to so rapidly - and avidly!!

He doesn't come around to my house because exh - who lives 100 yards away - could not be trusted with his actions. I keep him away for his safety and my sanity. His home is a haven that has nothing to do with being monitored by exh.

His house is my safe place

Your posts made it sound to me Iike you do more of the cooking, cleaning and laundry at your boyfriends house than he does. You implied that you did most of the work for Christmas. You implied that you go to his house because that's what he wants, as if your desires or the concept of fairness were irrelevant.

Did I completely misunderstand what you were saying?

In any case, doing laundry in someone else's house is unusual unless you are staying for several days and couldn't bring enough clothes or got unexpectedly messy. So it seems odd that you would be in charge of a load of washing at his place. That and your unusual phrasing led to our assumption that you were being trained up as his skivvy or are in some kind of sexual submissive surrendered woman relationship.

So what's the actual situation?

Ah x-post!

His house is my safe place

As someone who has been the victim of mental abuse in a relationship then it is very unwise to have your safe place as your current boyfriend's home. Have you had professional counselling for your experiences and to help you recognise unhealthy dynamics?

This was sort of me with now DH, started off mostly weekends, then some midweek nights and I never really went home lol (both our choices) Argh realised it's now 10 years later, married almost 7 and 2 dds, it must be love

What a strange thread

Thanks, rabbit, I understand now. I take on board what you say re my phrasing. I'd just like to say that I didn't actually say I did all of the chores - or even the lions share of them, that was very much assumed!

I guess it's a case of 'to each his own' as I find it bizarre that you would live out of a suitcase for 6 days at a time rather than shove stuff into a washing machine - but others disagree!

Onewiththeforce - what unhealthy dynamics?

So essentially because he's not so much of an enormous arsehole as your ex, you're cooking and cleaning out of gratitude.

Something in you knows this isn't right or you wouldn't have posted the thread.

Why do you live so near your abusive ex? Wouldn't you prefer to have some distance between you?

Today 18:54 cinnamonswirler

Onewiththeforce - what unhealthy dynamics?

Any. Have you had any support to help you recognise unhealthy dynamics in all future relationships because you have left an abusive relationship?