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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to dress my sons the same?

246 replies

ExhaustedandScatterBrained · 03/01/2017 09:56

I have 2 sons aged 2 and 1 (14 months age gap) i generally put them in the same clothes. This is purely so i dont have to find 2 different outfits every morning. Its mainly jeans/joggers with a longsleeved top. A friend has told me i shouldn't be dressing them the same as they are individuals. Are they not still individuals when wearing the same clothes lmao Hmm?

So tell me, aibu to do this whilst they are still young enough to not care what clothes they have on?

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 04/01/2017 19:49

Don't think there's anything wrong with it but I don't do it. DS2 generally wears DS1's clothes. Seasons didn't match up exactly so he gets occasional new bits.
DS1 gets new clothes as and when he needs them (or I buy 2nd hand), I often shop in sales anyway which would make it harder to find two of the same.

My dm occasionally buys them matching tops, which is fine but I make a point of never putting them in the same tops at the same time.

They do however have matching winter coats albeit in different colours. They are 3 and 1.

I don't iron either!

Personally I would find it far more faff to hunt around for "matching" outfits in the morning..

BusyBeez99 · 04/01/2017 19:53

I think it looks a bit odd to dress siblings identically. A friend does this with a 3 year age gap.

Another vote here for not ironing kids clothes. I've never had to iron anything and no DS doesn't go round In creased clothes. I hang them to dry carefully. Then again I don't iron anything apart from DH work shirts and we all always look neat and tidy

Notmuchtosay1 · 04/01/2017 20:11

I had a friend who had boys 16 months apart. She used to dress them in the same clothes. I always thought it a bit strange. I wouldn't do it. If I had twins I wouldn't dress them the same either. But I'd never say anything or judge. People dress their kids how they want. It's up to them.

Notmuchtosay1 · 04/01/2017 20:13

I have to iron clothes. They stand up on their own otherwise as our water is so hard! A bit of steam softens them. I'd love a tumble dryer.

Astro55 · 04/01/2017 20:37

It does harm children though - one will have no choice but to dress like the other - they feel they have to keep the peace and pick what they are wearing-

It took one almighty stomp in C&A because DSis wanted a coat and Mum picked up another for me and I hated it - I hated the coat and I hated matching - especially when DSis always got her way!!!! It drove a wedge between us - and I made up for it when I got a Saturday job and brought my own clothes!!!

Don't do it - because they go along with it to please you and they don't have any control over what they want to wear - imagine your DH deciding on your outfit every day - it would be seen as abuse -

My DC dressed themselves from an early age DD1 always in leggings - DD2 in airy fairly dress up floaty stuff - completely different even at 3 years old

Sunnydays8912 · 04/01/2017 20:38

I think this is cute and I do the exact same, except I've got twins and an older one. All the same sex so often all 3 are matched right down to their socks and shoes, winter coats, hats... all the same. I'm aware some people don't like it, but... my kids, my prerogative. The twins are always matched exactly the same, and the older one about 60% or the time, but the colours are always co ordinating at the least, it's important to me for my kids to look smart and learn that dressing smart is a good life lesson. I say carry on. On a practical level they are easier to spot whilst out in public when all in the same clothes :-)

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 04/01/2017 20:50

I have two girls, 4 and 2 I dress them matching about once a week on average. Sometimes at things like weddings/christenings they have the same dresses on too but not always. My 2 year old wears a lot of my 4 year olds stuff that she's outgrown but I like to buy the odd bit of new and sometimes will buy them matching. I love it and think its really cute, my 4 year old likes matching and my 2 year old doesn't care. I'm 35+5 and if baby is another girl I may dress them all the same for the odd occasion, I think its cute so why not if they don't mind. If they didn't want to I wouldn't. My sister hates it, so I do it on purpose in front of her Grin she says it reminds her of the shining twins haha!

Scrounged · 04/01/2017 20:50

It does harm children though - one will have no choice but to dress like the other - they feel they have to keep the peace and pick what they are wearing

The OPs DC are 1 and 2, I think they will let the OP know if they arent happy wearing the same clothes as each other and I'm sure the OP wasn't intending to 'force' the children into complying with her wishes.

MrsKoala · 04/01/2017 20:51

i have a 23 months between my 4 and 2 yo and i often dress them the same. I do this because the oldest is a beast for running away and i can never remember what he's wearing. So i look at at ds2 and then know what description to give. It's great at soft play when you are scanning the crowd for a moving target.

Nothing to do with being twee. It's purely survival.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 04/01/2017 20:56

astro just coz you had a bad experience doesn't mean those of us dressing our children matching are damaging our children ffs. Think you're being a bit extremely OTT. My girls often pick their own clothes out, we choose them the night before and I lay them out ready for the morning. Now and then they will pick matching stuff. I often give them a choice of about three of their outfits. When we are going to a party (birthday, christening, wedding etc) I will pick three dresses put for each of them and let them choose. Often one of the dresses will be matching. Sometimes they opt for different, other times they absolutely want to wear the same.

Original poster
ExhaustedandScatterBrained · 04/01/2017 21:02

Astro, i'm sorry it affected you so negatively. But i have said i will never force them to wear the same when they are able to make their own choices whether that's next week or next year. Ds1 isnt even 2 and half yet so he really doesn't care what he has on (unless it paw patrol then "look, its chase"). Ds2 has just turned 1 his preference is to spit his water down his top, i dont think they are quite ready yet

OP posts:
septembersunshine · 04/01/2017 21:10

My 8 year old son is desperate for him and his baby brother to wear the same top for a family occasion. He is so proud of him. I eventually found two rugby player type tops in the Mothercare. Its ok occasionally I think. And so what if you do? They are just kids! I don't think A piece of clothing changes your personality one bit!

Heirhelp · 04/01/2017 21:12

It must be costing you a fortune in clothes. If this was me then my second child would be in hand me downs from the first child.

Original poster
ExhaustedandScatterBrained · 04/01/2017 21:20

Heirhelp - guess you haven't read the thread. I have said several times he can't because they would be shorts and t-shirts! Children don't always fit in the same clothes during the same seasons!

OP posts:
LadySlytherin24 · 04/01/2017 21:57

Why do this to your boys or yourself? Let them be independent and choose what they want to wear. I'm a twin and was forced to dress alike as my twin.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 04/01/2017 21:59

There's just under 2 years gap between mine and so far my youngest has fit in the right seasoned stuff, she's been the same size dd1 was at the same ages. Been super handy and great for her wearing the stuff we kept. We didn't keep anything though, have you seen the mess.kids make.of some clothes. Rips in the knees, stains that won't come out and sometimes the clothes just don't look so great after a good few months use. We kept anything decent but it doesn't mean I've gotten out of buying anything at all for my second child.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 04/01/2017 22:00

Everything, not anything

emmaw1405 · 04/01/2017 22:18

I've got 5 girls with a set of identical and non-identical twins, all very close in age. They only time they have ever dressed the same is when they were christened. I'd find it harder to keep track of them if they were wearing the same as I'd keep thinking I'd seen the same child. I find it a bit odd when people dress their kids in the same outfits but each to their own. Though I am interested to know if people change both children if one gets their clothes dirty?

CarefullyAirbrushedPotato · 04/01/2017 23:11

Totally missing the point, but I'm struggling to get over the 2 yo who doesn't care what he wears! I didn't think mine have been especially stroppy but they most certainly care what they wear....

CheerfulYank · 05/01/2017 02:05

I have a 9 year old who still wears whatever I hand him :o

I would think it was a bit weird I guess but I can't see actually CARING about it. Mine are way different ages and I have DS (9) DD (3), and another DS (18 months). If the two little ones were the same sex hand me downs would be easier. There are some things (plain fleece jackets, black snowpants and boots) that I do pass down.

I don't match them exactly but sometimes I've put them in something they all have, like a Star Wars top and jeans, merely because it's cute. People don't even really notice since they're not the exact same tops.

I have yet to find a pair of jeans or leggings that stay up properly on DD (I swear I've tried every fit and brand going and they end up under her bum, every single time) so she wears a lot of dresses and tights anyway and my boys wouldn't like to wear that. :)

I do like their Halloween costumes to be a theme though Blush

And I don't even own an iron!

smallchanceofrain · 05/01/2017 10:40

Interesting thread. Mine are usually fairly clean and dressed appropriately to the weather. I couldn't be bothered trying to co-ordinate them and they have their own ideas about what to wear.

There are two sets of girl twins in DS1's class. We've known them since pre-school and they are now 11. One set have always dressed the same. Their style reflects their mum's style and they look identical even though they are not. The other set have never dressed the same and they now look much more distinctly individual. They have very different styles and seem much more grown up than the other twins. One has a 60's hippy look going on at the moment. The other has a slightly goth look with some sportswear added to the mix! They both look fab and you have to look hard to spot that they are identical.

38cody · 05/01/2017 11:20

I agree with Dailyfail - what happens to all of DS1's outgrown clothes then? Presumably DS2 can't have them because DS doesn't match. All sounds a bit daft to me but I can't see how it could damage your sons individuality. If you like doing it then carry on.

MrsKoala · 05/01/2017 11:32

My 4 and 2yo give no amount of shits what they wear. Neither does my 36yo DH - could hand him anything and he'd probably put it on Grin

I can see that if you have 5 then seeing them all dressed the same would be confusing as they legged off in different directions, but it works for my 2 atm.

If they get dirty then no i don't change them.

I'd say we more often dress them similarly than the same. So they look a bit like a boy band.

TheFlyingFauxPas · 05/01/2017 11:47

Ds is an only child. However occasionally I would dress us the same eg. Khaki combats and white t shirt. Grin

MrsKoala · 05/01/2017 12:09

I am an only child and my mum had us matching jumpsuits made in a loud red and black floral curtain type material. I was 4. it was the late 70s/early 80s and we were made to disco....