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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to dress my sons the same?

246 replies

ExhaustedandScatterBrained · 03/01/2017 09:56

I have 2 sons aged 2 and 1 (14 months age gap) i generally put them in the same clothes. This is purely so i dont have to find 2 different outfits every morning. Its mainly jeans/joggers with a longsleeved top. A friend has told me i shouldn't be dressing them the same as they are individuals. Are they not still individuals when wearing the same clothes lmao Hmm?

So tell me, aibu to do this whilst they are still young enough to not care what clothes they have on?

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 03/01/2017 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AverageJosephine · 03/01/2017 20:05

Astro55, lol! Dramatic much!

MuppetsChristmasCarol · 03/01/2017 20:12

It doesn't harm children (my mum dressed my sister and I matching and we both hated it, but it's not harmed us!).

I think it is a bit cringeworthy, as I have an old school friend on my fab who dresses her two girls matching, and it's just so twee. I want to shout at her that they're not dolls. However, her kids are loved, fed and clothed, so I suppose I shouldn't judge (though I do internally).

I'm sure if OPs kids said they didn't want to wear the same clothes, she wouldn't force it!

BIgBagofJelly · 03/01/2017 20:24

Bigagofjelly, you clearly have missed the several posts that my 1 year old cannot wear his brothers old clothes... they are not weather appropriate. For gods sake how many times do i have to repeat myself??

I saw those posts but the reply I was quoting clearly implied it would be unfair to force him to wear second hand clothes (rather than weather inappropriate ones). Honestly I don't care either way about the matching clothes for other people's kids I just was responding to the implication that a one year old cares what he wears (as long as it's comfortable and the right temp of course).

Crumbs1 · 03/01/2017 20:45

It's not going to harm them but looks naff and is rather common. There were quite a few women in Middle East (Dubai) who dressed themselves in the same outfit as their children. Just weird.

Blacksox · 03/01/2017 21:55

I think it's weird.

It must be easier to grab different clothes than to look for matchy matchy.

Original poster
ExhaustedandScatterBrained · 03/01/2017 22:03

I know a 1 year old doesn't care what he wears, i was responding to several people telling me that he will be wearing hand me downs. He, of course, will have some but it wont just be them, he can have new things too. Any way by the time my 2 year old is finished with his clothes there's not a lot left except trousers because of stains.

OP posts:
Mawsymoo · 03/01/2017 22:09

OP I posted earlier that I dress my DS2 in hand-me-downs from DS1 but that's just what suits me - at this age neither of them have any awareness of what they are wearing as long as they're warm and comfortable so do what you want! I'm jealous that you get to have seasonal clothes - it's long sleeved t-shirts and leggings/trackie bottoms where I live 350 days a year and we might get into shorts and t-shirts for 15 days if we're lucky so that's not an issue for us!

corythatwas · 03/01/2017 22:18

If those children are going to come to so much harm and lose their individuality by wearing the same-coloured top as a sibling, how are they going to cope in a few years time when they are wearing the same uniform as the entire school?

BlurryFace · 03/01/2017 22:22

If they're too young to care either way, who gives a shit? My two DS's get bought matching stuff by my mum sometimes, but they rarely end up wearing them at the same time as I just grab anything weather appropriate and put it on them. The only time DS1 (3) shows any awareness about his clothes is a couple of items with Paw Patrol on them and some with cars on them.

DixieNormas · 03/01/2017 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rednsparkley · 03/01/2017 22:45

I know someone who has two of differing age (and also totally different looking, one dark, one blonde) and she dresses them in identical outfits all the time - identical.

Football kits, weddings, family day out, swimming trunks, PJs - all totally identical.

I hate it but it is none of my business and they are not my kids so I say nothing.

Yours will surely have their own opinions soon and you don't sound as devoted to the look obsessed as the person I know so if you are happy, and they are happy, crack on!

Original poster
ExhaustedandScatterBrained · 03/01/2017 23:20

Rednsparkley, wow! That's extreme, I'm no where near that level haha. I'm sure ds1 will start to show preference soon and no doubt it will be paw patrol as everything is about Chase right now.

OP posts:
Natstar98 · 04/01/2017 09:57

I know someone who has two girls about five years apart and she always dresses them exactly the same with exactly the same hairstyles. Poor kids look ridiculous. And this is coming from a mum of twins.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 04/01/2017 10:37

Yep, I knew someone like that too rednsparkley. One of the boys was friends with my Ds and told him he hated it - he was 11 at the time Shock Grin
Wonder if she still dresses them the same now one of them is at secondary school? Hmm

I have heard before that dressing your kids the same is a working class thing of showing people you are well-off and your children don't need to have hand-me-downs - that doesn't work for the Queen though.

SVJAA · 04/01/2017 10:41

DS1 and DS2 ask to dress the same. Since one is 9 and one is 2 it's not always that easy, but some places I can find clothes that match.
Your bairns are still wee and unless they are actively unhappy about being dressed the same I can't see the problem.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 04/01/2017 11:08

My DCs (3 &6) are picky over their clothes but have a lot of overlapping taste. When I buy clothes for one, the other wants the same so there is a lot in age 4-5 and 3-4 in our house. This also means that they get away with swapping clothes. Their choice, I'm happy. One day their tastes will change, and I'll go along with it.

We were in the shoe shop the other day. Both had gone up one size. DS1 happily chose the same style trainers that he's just grown out of. The assistant happily confirmed that the older trainers were now a good fit on DS2, so they've happily ended up with the same shoes through their choice and efficiency. I'm not wasting good trainers that DS2 likes and they fit. DS2 also got a new pair of casual shoes that are different.

Fortunately their hair is different shades and sits differently. Their cousins were frequently exactly matching in every detail which was a bit too much.

They will look different at school next year. DS2 can wear the barely worn sweatshirts that I couldn't wrestle over DS1's head (he wears cardigans). He can also get some wear out of the trousers that DS1 refuses to wear. Grin

bonbonours · 04/01/2017 13:56

My girls are 20 months apart and quite like dressing the same occasionally. It looks cute on little ones. The main reason I hardly ever did is that dd2basically had all dd1s outgrown clothes. Why would you buy all new things for a second child so close behind?

drspouse · 04/01/2017 14:24

Do you buy lots of different sizes so that when the 2yo hands the top down to the 1yo, you have then got a 3yo and a 2yo size??

My 5yo got the same PJs as his older cousins for Christmas (from me) and he was charmed (as were they - though marginally less excited than him). Sadly they did not make them in a 2y size, I don't think my 2yo was bothered but the other three were!

Original poster
ExhaustedandScatterBrained · 04/01/2017 15:02

No i don't buy several sizes, i just buy what they need now. Occasionally i will buy the next size in sales.

Bonbonours, i have to buy him new because (as pointed out several times) if i put him in his brothers clothes that are 12-18 months they are mainly shorts and t-shirts. The seasons dont match up properly. I kept almost all of ds1 baby clothes and ds2 wore them, but it doesn't work for their sizes now.

Why am i justifying why I'm buying my children new clothes rather than using what i already have? I didn't ask for peoples opinions on how i spend money, just on the fact they are similarly (sometimes perfectly matching) dressed. A lot of you are very judgey.

And just so you know my 2 nephews are the same ages mine oldest a few months older than ds1 and youngest a few minths younger than ds2. Nephew 1s clothes have gone through the 4 of them and now have been passed on to a good friend. Does that make me appear less 'wasteful' to you now? As i said opinions were not asked on my buying clothes for both and i will not respond to them again.

OP posts:
habibihabibi · 04/01/2017 15:03

I might be your friend rednsparkley
I have actually found it to be a lifesaver . Once one went missing for what seemed like hours in a very crowded place and I had an identically dressed child for the police to find a match for.
Not only do I do the same clothes , I also make them stand out by clothing them very brightly when traveling or in busy places .
Cue neon orange hats and gilets for an up coming ski trip .

drspouse · 04/01/2017 15:33

My DCs are 2 1/2 years apart so we had the seasons problem when they were younger. Now we can hand most stuff down but I buy DD some new dresses/tights so she actually has something of her own.
They both wear bright/unisex things e.g. joggers/leggings with spots/stars/stripes.

turquoisetoad · 04/01/2017 16:27

I'm a mum of identical twin girls and have never dressed them the same. I must say I find it really odd when parents choose to dress siblings in matching outfits. Why would you do that? They're individuals and should be treated as such.

angeldelightedme · 04/01/2017 16:30

DS1 (age 22) is in his master's year and there is a set of male identical triplets who dress the same.
Don't go there!!! Wink

MissVictoria · 04/01/2017 16:31

It's always looked so odd and just plain wrong to me when parents dress their kids the same. Especially when it's day in day out, same pj's too. I don't know if it's an OCD thing with me though, because they will be different heights and so it looks weird rather than "matching".