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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DD is not entirely to blame for this?

161 replies

luckylucky24 · 02/01/2017 10:19

I got up with DD 14 months this morning and whilst sat on my knee she knocked over an almost full cup of coffee left there by DH the day before, (definitely was him as noone else drinks it.) It went over DH's mac which is looking broken. We won't be able to afford to replace it anytime soon.
He is understandably devastated and is blaming the baby. Not himself at all for the two cold cups of coffee left around.
AIBU to say he is partly to blame for leaving full cups around?

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 02/01/2017 11:09

It's not the baby's fault and it's not your fault either. My husband does things like this but he wouldn't react in the same way. He'd silently accept all blame because he'd know it was his fault but wouldn't want it brought up again. He then carries on doing stupid things like leaving cups of liquid next to valuable and fragile items.

So long as it's his stuff that gets ruined by his idiocy, I don't mind.

ToneDeafHamster · 02/01/2017 11:09

My cat knocked a full pint of water over my Mac. It killed it. Had to get a new motherboard. Did I blame the cat? No, it was my own stupid fault for leaving the glass of water there (especially as a little voice in my head had said, don't leave that there, it might get knocked over!). I was very annoyed.still no the cat's fault though, he was just being a cat.

Your DH needs to grow up.

PregnantAndEngaged · 02/01/2017 11:10

I think he needs to see this as a lesson to not leave drinks lying around. My son is 18 months and is VERY interested in drinks, particularly hot drinks. Since he has been mobile, his daddy and I have been putting all hot drinks on the fire place and have asked my guests to do the same. (A) We don't want to take the risk of things being damaged but more importantly (B) if the drink is hot at the time we do not want to risk our son getting scolded (which is highly likely given his very keen interest in tea/coffee). I highly recommend getting into the habit of having ALL drinks on a high up surface.

RubyGoat · 02/01/2017 11:10

So what does he propose to do about it, to reduce the risk of accidents like this happening in future? Have a discussion with the 14 month old baby to confirm that she fully understands the risks of the cups that he's left around, the damage that will be caused to the expensive electrical equipment, how much it will cost to replace it, what that means to your family, what could happen to her if she grabbed a hot cup, etc, etc? Or will he stop leaving the cups about & realise that she's a baby & not capable of rational thought yet?

Out of interest, how would he have felt / reacted, if she'd grabbed a hot cup & scalded herself? How would you? Would he still be blaming her? A friend of mine was scalded as a baby by a hot drink - he had terrible scars.

FWIW, DH & I had this discussion many, many times when DD was small. I used to get properly angry with him about it - he stopped leaving drinks on the floor when DD grabbed a cup (of cold drink that I'd been drinking) & poured it all over herself.

Grilledaubergines · 02/01/2017 11:11

His fault and he knows it, hence passing the buck.

Accidents happen. And usually where coffee and electricians are concerned they can be avoided.

TheStoic · 02/01/2017 11:11

He has reacted emotionally. Most people do when they know they've fucked up.

Does it really matter if he 'blames the baby'? It doesn't change anything.

LagunaBubbles · 02/01/2017 11:12

He's blaming a baby?? And even better you sound a little odd in your replies in bits and seem to be "sticking up for him"!!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 02/01/2017 11:12

I agree with Hermione, thank goodness the coffee wasn't scalding hot and injured someone. With a 14 month old in the house, he needs to learn not to leave any hazards lying about and learn to clean up after himself!

he's not talking to you or the baby? How absurd Grin

Haudyerwheesht · 02/01/2017 11:14

Well your Dd is a baby and has no understanding of technology or anything really apart from her fairly recently learning vaguely about cause and effect. Hit the cup, spill the stuff inside, no understanding of why that's not great.

None of it is her fault. I find it very odd either of you would even consider it was.

WeAllHaveWings · 02/01/2017 11:14

We have a dog and a ds(12), don't think we have left a cup/glass of liquid lying about for 12 years! Anything expensive and breakable would be kep out of reach when ds was younger.

He is to blame for leaving the drink next to computer when he knows there is a toddler in the house.

You could have been more aware there were expensive mac books and laptops and cups of coffee near where your toddler was playing.

If you both don't take care of your stuff you risk a toddler will break it.

Toddler is in no way to blame.

ConferencePear · 02/01/2017 11:17

DD is quite destructive by nature and grabs, knocks, and throws most stuff she can get to.

She's 14 months old FFS. How can you call her behaviour destructive ? I think you both have unreasonable expectations of a child of that age.

Oldraver · 02/01/2017 11:20

I would wait until he comes back and if he is in the same mood I would come down on him like a ton of bricks for blaming a baby for his lazy-arseness...Who leaves a cup a full day.

Its possible he is lashing out as he knows it is going to cost him....but I would not tolerate any more sulking

Rachel0Greep · 02/01/2017 11:22

She's 14 months old FFS. How can you call her behaviour destructive ? I think you both have unreasonable expectations of a child of that age.

Exactly! She is a baby, I can't even fathom the thread title...the baby is NOT to blame, full stop.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 02/01/2017 11:25

I would tell him to not come home until he could act like a grown up and not a childish brat. You might not see him for a long time OP Grin

wifeyhun · 02/01/2017 11:25

His fault completely, she is a baby so completely blameless.

MsStricty · 02/01/2017 11:26

His Mac is a machine. Your DD is a person. There is no contest whatsoever, no matter what excuses he or anyone else may have to apportion blame in an accidental situation.

His Mac is a machine. Your DD is a person.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/01/2017 11:26

She's naturally inquisitive.
Yes, babies are of all species. Its called exploring.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/01/2017 11:28

So you were looking at your laptop when she was on your knee and didn't notice her messing with what was on the table?

I think the best thing you can do is look upon it as a lucky wake up call and both think more about getting off your screens and keeping your daughter safe.

Inertia · 02/01/2017 11:29

She isn't deliberately destructive, she's a baby. Of course it's your husband's fault - neither the cup of coffee nor the Mac should have been left lying around within reach of a baby.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 02/01/2017 11:29

At 14 months, DD is a baby and not in any way responsible. She doesn't understand what's happened.

Your DH is 100% to blame. Yes it wasn't a deliberate act by your DD, but he left the cups there so his fault.

Chamonix1 · 02/01/2017 11:30

When I had a similar thing happen to
My mac (toddler knocked glass of squash over it) my insurance covered it. I got a replacement MAC

DearMrDilkington · 02/01/2017 11:32

What the?!Confused

My dd was around that age when she went through my bag, found my sunglasses that cost £100+ then promptly snapped them in half. I wasn't remotely cross with her, I found it quite amusing how quickly she got to them when they were in a case.

Completely my fault for leaving my bag on the floor and it just taught me to be more careful in future. I was just happy she didn't slam her fingers shut with the case tbh.

Your dp sounds a complete twat. Leave him to sulk and wait for an apology from him.

DearMrDilkington · 02/01/2017 11:32

In the case* not withHmm

Toadinthehole · 02/01/2017 11:35

So he left the drink there.

He left the mac there.

It's his mac therefore his responsibility.

Sounds like he knows it's his fault and he's in a temper as a result. Too bad on him. Accidents happen, but those who don't help clear up clutter have no basis to blame anyone, never mind children too young to be blamed.

C8H10N4O2 · 02/01/2017 11:37

He is an idiot if he is leaving finished-with cups of liquid around with a toddler at the 'mobile and brainless' stage of life.

If he is in the habit of this he needs to change his habits. If it was an once off - he has learned an expensive lesson about life with toddlers. Most of us do at some point