Going to a really, really expensive hotel for a wedding. AIBU to want to go back to my student days ??

[YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa]

DP says I am.......I'm saying we can't bloody afford it, never mind £7 or so for a drink each on top.

AIBU in wanting to pull my old student trick of gift wrapping boxes of wine (( to sneak then in innocently ))then having my own wine on tap for the night ?? That way we'd only have to buy one drink.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact it's a close family member I'd be pulling a sickie. At least this way we can affordably drown our sorrows at all the money on travel and a hotel we've had to spend 😑😑😑

Clearly a boring wedding if the only way to cope is to swill

Oh get real! It would be a pretty boring wedding if it was alcohol free in my opinion, nothing wrong woith people wanting a drink at weddings!

It would be a pretty boring wedding if it was alcohol free in my opinion, nothing wrong woith people wanting a drink at weddings!

So, let me get this right. It's vulgar to expect guests to buy their own drinks, but boring if alcohol isn't supplied.

I'm glad DH and I sneaked off and got married without a wedding

I've been to weddings where all the wine was provided and ones with a paid bar. I have absolutely no problem with a paid bar and will drink less if I think a venue is taking advantage (serving cheap wine at ridiculous prices).

I'd hate to think that a couple who wanted people to celebrate their marriage with them would feel that guests would only attend if they were given free alcohol. That, in my opinion, would signify an huge lack of class.

I'd hate to think that a couple who wanted people to celebrate their marriage with them would feel that guests would only attend if they were given free alcohol.

That's certainly the impression given by several posters on this thread. It's quite unpleasant.

It's not about feeling that people wouldn't attend. For me, in my opinion, it's what constitutes being a good hostess. I wouldn't expect people to pay for their meal, why on earth would I invite them to my party (which is essentially all the reception is) then make them buy drinks?!

why on earth would I invite them to my party (which is essentially all the reception is) then make them buy drinks?!

It's the assumption that the party has to have alcohol though - as I asked before, how many dry weddings are there?
Why should a couple pay for their friends to drink alcohol just because the friends want to?

If you are staying at the hotel then you could buy one drink then pop back to your room to get drinks the rest of.the night.

It is likely that an arrival drink will be given then there is likely to be wine on the table or a couple of glasses per guest thename a toast. Then there's a bit of time after the breakfast where you can go to your room for a drink then it'll only be a few visits to the room for top ups

Also, like a lot of posters on here, a lot of my friends earn considerably less than me. I would hate them to feel that they couldn't afford to come and celebrate with me, and have a bit of a reunion, especially uni friends who are all scattered far and wide now. This is also why I chose a venue which has accommodation included. The venue suggested to me that I would earn back the money I'd spent on the venue by charging my guests money for the rooms.

erm, no. They're my friends. I'm not going to use them to subsidise my wedding. Like I said, cut your cloth. My cloth was guests' comfort > fancy hotel / number of guests = country barn with free bar.

This is also why I chose a venue which has accommodation included.

You're in a very fortunate position to be able to pay for all your guests' accommodation. I've never been to a wedding where the room was provided free of charge.

I realise that does make me quite fortunate. However, I'm certainly not rich, and the entire wedding still only costs £6,000 all in. Those were just my priorities.

Ha I was bridesmaid at my mums wedding few years ago my gift was a fancy tea pot (really into tea) I opened it and filled it with the bottle of vodka I have smuggled in!! Just look like I was showing off my tea pot all night!!!

Why should a couple pay for their friends to drink alcohol just because the friends want to?

Why should a couple pay for food or a venue for that matter. They could just bugger off to Gretna Green.

We paid for all of our guests. They stayed in the travelodge and we had a driver hired to ferry everyone from my dads friends house to the hotel. We booked in advance and used a promotion. It wasn't expensive.

Why should a couple pay for food or a venue for that matter. They could just bugger off to Gretna Green

. We did. Well, not Gretna, but same principle.

But this thread does make a mockery of the "it's your day" refrain, doesn't it? The expectation is that a couple provide guests with the expected alcohol, irrespective of their own views of alcohol or drinking. Wo betide a bride and groom who say - "you know what, we'd rather have a decent meal and if guests want wine, they can buy their own" because that is vulgar and being a poor host.

I've never made an 'it's your big day' refrain. I think it's ghastly and leads to all kinds of bêtises.

But a party with food but no drink is a bit shit, no?

Good friends of ours got married over the summer at a very expensive venue. Beautiful but expensive.

We stayed near by,walking distance, but drove to the venue with a bootfull of booze. Between the meal and the band starting about 10 of us sat in the carpark (hidden from the venue) and had a few drinks. Walked back to our accommodation at the end of the night and collected the car the next day.

But a party with food but no drink is a bit shit, no?

Everyone has different expectations - a veggie would be happy at a party with no meat, a teetotal happy with no booze, a Seventh day Adventist with no pork.

I'd love to go to a wedding that served caviar, lobster and truffles - but I accept that the couple may not be able to afford it. Why should serving alcohol be any different?

Why should serving alcohol be any different?

It's not. No one is expecting to have every single alcohol available and unlimited cocktails, but there are so basics.

If I invite you for diner at my house, there will be a bottle of wine, at least, even if I am pregnant or any other reason. It's basic manners.

On the other hand, putting alcohol in your handbag because you have decided before even seeing the wedding that there won't be enough drink for you is a tad chavy.

We went to a wedding once, where no food or drink was provided. Morning ceremony, afternoon was family only lunch (leaving 50 or so people kicking about a few hundred miles from home), evening was Reception at 7.30pm. At 9pm, when it became apparent that we were not going to be fed, everyone bundled to the pub/chip shop. B&g must have wondered where we all were.

So, let me get this right. It's vulgar to expect guests to buy their own drinks, but boring if alcohol isn't supplied

Er no. Its prtetty normal for me to have a pay bar at weddings and its also pretty normal for me to take my own vodka, no idea what you are on about "boring if alcohol is not supplied"

It's basic manners.

I honestly had no idea that providing free alcohol was now considered a pre-requisite of good manners - either when inviting people for dinner, or at a party/wedding reception.

Is the type of food provided, and the way it is served, judged in the same way? I've worked weddings where the guests have been served afternoon tea with a glass of bubbly for the toasts, others when the food has been a cold buffet, and one where the guests were served picnics in brown bags after the ceremony and a local Fish and Chip van turned up in the evening - that one DID have a free bar, though.

Pay bars certainly seem to be demanded by many couples though - so either there are a lot of vulgar couples getting married, or MN is not representative of wider society.

do it op. i have one or two bought drinks when i go out but the rest is from plastic container baggy type things i keep in my bra just in case my bag gets searched and then they are just in my bag ready to sneak under the table.

dont think ive ever paid more than £30 on a night out/wedding

no idea what you are on about "boring if alcohol is not supplied"

lagunabubbles At 15:36, you said:
Oh get real! It would be a pretty boring wedding if it was alcohol free in my opinion, nothing wrong woith people wanting a drink at weddings!

So you think that a "dry" wedding would be boring.

Or MN is not representative of wider society.

Never was a truer word spoken

the rest is from plastic container baggy type things i keep in my bra

You keep bags of alcohol in your bra?