Going to a really, really expensive hotel for a wedding. AIBU to want to go back to my student days ??

[YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa]

DP says I am.......I'm saying we can't bloody afford it, never mind £7 or so for a drink each on top.

AIBU in wanting to pull my old student trick of gift wrapping boxes of wine (( to sneak then in innocently ))then having my own wine on tap for the night ?? That way we'd only have to buy one drink.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact it's a close family member I'd be pulling a sickie. At least this way we can affordably drown our sorrows at all the money on travel and a hotel we've had to spend 😑😑😑

NewNNfor2017

Expecting food and drink when you are invited for diner is hardly outrageous, is it? There's another thread where the bride and groom are charging for tea and coffee.

I have been invited to a "tea party" wedding reception. It was charming, but guests knew what to expect. Most people will appreciate whatever is served, but charging your guests is rude.

Picture a diner party where the host suddenly ask for a fiver if you want a glass of wine. Seriously, who does that?

Picture a diner party where the host suddenly ask for a fiver if you want a glass of wine. Seriously, who does that?

But it's not the host selling the alcohol at a wedding reception. They have invited guests to a party, and served food and drink of their choosing.
There is a pay bar on site that the guests can choose to use if they wish.

I think it's ok for bride and grooms not to offer drink (or even food?) as long as they make it clear to their guests. Guests can then choose whether or not they wish to attend. We preferred to host an 'all inclusive' wedding but I can't say I'm bothered when other people don't. We have family members who are skint and who provided limited alcohol at their weddings. It seemed reasonable to me.

If I were skint I either wouldn't attend the wedding or I'd just drink soft drinks. I wouldn't smuggle in alcohol. It's seems a bit 'cheap' to me. It's up to the hotel what they charge and if it's too expensive then don't go.

Picture a diner party where the host suddenly ask for a fiver if you want a glass of wine. Seriously, who does that?

Bit unfair I think. As mostly, if people come to dinner they don't get absolutely hammered and then fall over in the middle of the floor as seems to happen at weddings.

At most weddings they provide wine, champagne for toasts and then food. If people want additional booze they can purchase it unless the hosts have provided pay-for bar.

Not really comparable to a dinner party

what an amazing idea!!! I'm going to do that on May got a really posh hotel (everywhere else booked up) grin]

yep, resealeable pouch type things. like kids drink packets. perfdct for gin!

NewNNfor2017

We are talking about 2 different things. If there is a wedding reception and the drinks are not to the taste of the guests, who chose to go to another part of the venue to buy different drinks, that's one thing.
Only giving the option of a pay bar means the host is charging the guest (even indirectly).

if people come to dinner they don't get absolutely hammered and then fall over in the middle of the floor as seems to happen at weddings. What kind of wedding do you go to! Apart from the odd teenager enjoying himself a bit too much, I have never seen someone hammered at a wedding. Sometimes I wonder if I live on another planet.

Are you drinks not warm? I could drink room temp red wine but couldn't drink gin that had been down my bra!

What kind of wedding do you go to!

Well unfortunately I have seen this a few times - mostly at weddings where the bar has been entirely free and people have, errr, taken advantage of it

dingdong so what is a 'free bar' then and is it not the opposite of a 'pay bar'?

At the venues I work, the couple either pay the bar tab at the end of the evening, or the guests buy their own drinks and the venue keep the money.

Bit unfair I think. As mostly, if people come to dinner they don't get absolutely hammered and then fall over in the middle of the floor as seems to happen at weddings.

Good God.

so what is a 'free bar' then and is it not the opposite of a 'pay bar'?

It depends. I have been invited to weddings where drinks were wine/ champagne and big bowls of cocktails, I have been invited to winter weddings with mulled wine or warm whiskey (and soft drinks obviously), others where you could just order anything at the bar.

I have rarely seen events where you are expected to pay for your own drinks, soft or alcoholic.

Does the 'provide free alcohol' etiquette apply to other parties, too?

I've been invited to several anniversary do's, 50's birthday bashes, christenings and the like and there's never been free alcohol. Do I know lots of ignorant, rude people?

(I should add that I used to work in a hotel and that was my experience from there!)

Very impressed with those hidden wine bags!

I have to stay in hotels for work sometimes and can't claim drinks. I always have a couple of glasses of wine after work and don't see why everything should change because of a training course. Last hotel sent me up a wine bucket, ice and a glass when asked though, and didn't charge anything.

Does the 'provide free alcohol' etiquette apply to other parties, too?

Of course.

I've been invited to several anniversary do's, 50's birthday bashes, christenings and the like and there's never been free alcohol. Do I know lots of ignorant, rude people?

Yes.

Blimey. My local social clubs would be out of business if the only parties they hosted were booked by people who could afford to pay for their guests to get tanked up.

i dont drink it straight ffs im not 'there' yet give it a few years

lemonade or orange from bar and ice + secret tit stash = nice drink that i can have a couple of without feeling guilty that ive literally pissed lots of money away on a rare night out. plus the hangovers never seem as bad

Who are all these people who go out to get 'tanked up'?

The tradition where I live is that several free drinks are provided by the hosts at the wedding reception (often fizz on arrival, glass or two of wine with the meal and a drink of your choice for the toasts at end of meal). After this the norm is that you buy a round of drinks for the guests you are sitting with, and then they all buy a round too over the course of the evening. If you are the cheapskate sitting there with your own sneaked -in drink, I am guessing you won't be going up the the bar to buy others a drink either? That would be frowned upon up here in Scotland! Not getting your round in at a wedding is a major faux pas that would be remembered by all for eternity...

I've never been to a social club, but if someone was celebrating their birthday in a pub or nightclub I wouldn't expect drinks to be paid there. Sometimes people put their card behind the bar, but not necessarily.

But if you're hosting a formal event at a venue, printing invitations etc, it's different.

We went to a birthday recently where the hotel took away all of the 'bottle bag' gifts and put them away. It was a genuine gift of pretty pricy champagne , I was a bit miffed at the time that it was intimated that we'd drink it .

Who are all these people who go out to get 'tanked up'?

Like queen my experience of working events like this is that when the alcohol is "free" (ie the host is paying) restraint seems to be beyond many guests.
Seemingly considerate people, who certainly wouldn't take a handful of tenners from the host seem to have absolutely no issue with downing shots and chasers on their hosts tab - only to vomit it all up in the garden a few hours later.

This thread HAS been very revealing - I'll certainly be on the look out for wrapped wine boxes and tit-gin when I'm working an event in future!

gloria We clearly mix in VERY different circles. You should try your local social club sometime - it'll be an experience!

Printed invitations to an adults birthday bash? Who does that?

When DD got married we checked the wine list in advance and bought a few of one of them, every so often we took an empty to our room and replaced it with at full one. We took the empties with us.