Going to a really, really expensive hotel for a wedding. AIBU to want to go back to my student days ??

[YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa]

DP says I am.......I'm saying we can't bloody afford it, never mind £7 or so for a drink each on top.

AIBU in wanting to pull my old student trick of gift wrapping boxes of wine (( to sneak then in innocently ))then having my own wine on tap for the night ?? That way we'd only have to buy one drink.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact it's a close family member I'd be pulling a sickie. At least this way we can affordably drown our sorrows at all the money on travel and a hotel we've had to spend 😑😑😑

Lots of people aren't allowed to expense drinks.

I am not sure about being obliged to stay at an expensive hotel. Guests are free to rent a car/ book a taxi and go somewhere else.

How about being obliged to get to Bali or Barbados for the wedding?

Previous employer, an investment bank, never covered the cost of drinks or team nights out. I left after six months because the team events were costing me £100 a month as we were required to attend and cover the cost of a fixed meal too.

I was saving for a home and giving up evening work to attend. As a manager I never let my team spend a penny on team nights out. I'm the minority though and other managers don't push senior management to cover the cost.

Lots of people aren't allowed to expense drinks.

So don't drink.

Despite a 'drinking culture' it's rare in my experience for a colleague to be openly challenged if they drink water - particularly if it's a woman, although there are often office rumours about pregnancies

How about being obliged to get to Bali or Barbados for the wedding?

NO ONE is obliged to go to Bali or Barbados

I am not sure about being obliged to stay at an expensive hotel. Guests are free to rent a car/ book a taxi and go somewhere else.

Not necessarily. I don't know what the setup is in this instance, but MN has introduced me to a world of people who book weddings at expensive hotels and oblige their guests to pay to stay at that hotel as it's part of the wedding package.

In the OP's case she may not be obliged to stay at the hotel, but she has said it's in the middle of nowhere and she doesn't drive. But if they booked a cheap B&B elsewhere, a taxi/car rental to get to it, would simply increase the costs.

I'd be happy to not drink, or drink very little (and not take my own booze). I was just explaining that not everyone has the luxury of an employer covering costs.

No one is obliged to attend ANY wedding - it's an invitation not a summons.

I do the opposite quite often. Where we live nearly all the pubs serve Fevertree tonic which I detest so I go out with two or three mini cans of Schweppes Slimline in my handbag to add to my gin.

We recently hosted a big party in a hired venue which many of DDs student friends attended. Two young lads danced the night away weighed down with enormous backpacks which they had filled with booze. They thought they were very smart - until the end of the night when they discovered it had been a free bar.

I would do it. Weddings are a rip off.

We stayed at a hotel foe a wedding last year and the bar prices were ridiculous. OH saw someone go back and say "oh I think you've not given me the right change"...her small glass of wine was £7.99.

Luckily there was a back entrance from the car park via the garden and everyone traipsed over to the OneStop which had all its drinks chilled

I always used to take a half bottle of vodka in my handbag to weddings

I just looked on amazon for hidden flasks who knew there were so many ingenious ways to conceal drinks from brollies, hairbrushes, suncream to binoculars, cameras and actual handbags!

The fine is usually built into the contract the couple sign with the venue. One venue we visited was a £100 fine for the first person caught drinking brought in alcohol and (I think) £30 for each subsequent person caught.

The fine is usually built into the contract the couple sign with the venue. One venue we visited was a £100 fine for the first person caught drinking brought in alcohol and (I think) £30 for each subsequent person caught.

Isn't it sad that venues feel the need to do this?

Despite the belief that hotels are money grabbing, they really don't have a high a profit margin as the budget venues.

It actually does cost more to serve a glass of wine in a luxury hotel than a budget one - even if the wine is the same brand.

Premier Inns may clean carpets and soft furnishings regularly, but luxury hotels not only clean more frequently, but replace them every year. Redecoration happens on a more frequent basis. Things like fresh flowers in public areas, and higher quality complimentary items all cost more. Tableware is higher quality and replaced more frequently. Staff have higher standards of training, there are MORE staff per guest in luxury hotels. In all ways, it costs more to deliver a luxury service than a budget one, so the costs to the guests are higher.

If you don't want to enjoy the benefits of luxury hotels, then don't go - but going along and avoiding to pay for the privilege only increases the costs for everyone else.

I see you all think pub prices are a rip off. We make 65% "profit " on each drink sold. That 65% pays heat, light, rent, rates, water bill, wages, building repair, cost of the glasses, the napkins etc etc etc. We have to pay a lot of that whether we are open or closed. That is before I take a penny in "profit". We are just 2 in our business, for profit read salary.

Things are priced to take into account the expected sales of various other elements in the package, so when I price up a wedding I expect some drinks will be sold, or some of the rooms or whatever. If you bring your own alcohol then I am afraid I might actually make a loss on the event and will either price the next one higher OR will look to put punitive clauses in the contract.

Just yesterday I asked a party of 10 to leave because they thought my snug was a nice place for their picnic. It wasn't; they were welcome to buy my food but not sit there and eat their own. Same with "outside" drink. £10 corkage per bottle or leave.

To me its like going in a shop and only paying for half the basket because the goods are a rip off. Or having an extra hour in the soft play because it was expensive.

I work behind the bar at a large event centre - we can always spot those who have brought their own alcohol in with them - hip flasks, 'water' bottles, bottles of spirits under the table, bottles in handbags,bras, knickers etc. They are all taken away and handed back at the end of the evening.

Our prices are pretty spot on with local pubs, but many people seem to resent spending money at weddings if there is not a free bar.

As someone above said there is nothing inconspicuous about a drunk trying to pour alcohol from under the table or her handbag.

Our prices are pretty spot on with local pubs, but many people seem to resent spending money at weddings if there is not a free bar.

I can understand that. I've never ever been to a wedding where I've had to pay for alcohol. Round my way a pay bar at a wedding would be considered the height of vulgarity.

But I've learnt from MN that many consider it normal.

If what you say is true, perhaps some who consider it normal also don't actually want to do it, and look for ways round it.

I've never ever been to a wedding where I've had to pay for alcohol. Round my way a pay bar at a wedding would be considered the height of vulgarity.

Is this a regional thing, or has culture changed over the last 20/30 years?

I have never attended a wedding where there was a free bar - and the few I read/heard about were always considered to be "posh" weddings.

I work at events/weddings now, and there are still regular pay bar weddings - they don't appear "vulgar" to me, but perhaps it is?

Totally agree with Gloria - perhaps it's my generation (I am mid late 50s) but I have never been to a wedding where drinks are not provided. At (both ) my weddings we provided all the drinks - if you cannot afford to treat your guests then you adapt your list so that at least you can pay for the guests you do invite.

Equally, no one is 'obliged' to accept every wedding invitation they receive, whether family or not. If you are expected to stay in an expensive hotel then just decline politely.

I've been tk a mixture of paid bars and ones where guests buy drinks. I don't have an issue with paying for evening drinks as long as there are a few glasses of wine with the main meal.

Is this a regional thing, or has culture changed over the last 20/30 years? I have never attended a wedding where there was a free bar

Not sure, I have seen wedding with free bars in mainland Europe, Ireland, London and various venues across the country. Muslim weddings, Hindu weddings, Christian ones. Thinking about it, the only ones where I was expected to pay for anything were a bit chavy, no money spared in the wedding cars, with different evening guests and hours waiting in the afternoon for the wedding party to finish posing for photos. I don't think it's cultural as such, just seem to be the pretentious ones, but I have only seen a couple of these. Most weddings are friendly affairs thankfully.

Like other posters, I have never been to a wedding where I had to pay for my own drinks.

I have never attended a wedding where there was a free bar - and the few I read/heard about were always considered to be "posh" weddings

Charging for alcohol at a wedding is definitively not posh, please believe me.

It would be like asking guests to pay for their food.

Charging for alcohol at a wedding is definitively not posh, please believe me.

So are dry weddings commonplace?