Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Because of comments like this, is why people are terrified of SS.

162 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 01/01/2017 12:24

We was all at a friends house for a few drinks last night, before heading to a house party. The friends (I'll refer too her as A) house we was at she has 3 children - 7 yo twins and a 3 yo. Another friend (B) went into the fridge and gasped at how if social services was to enter her house they'd take the children of her due to lack of things in the fridge. I went to have a look and yes it was a bit emptyish, but has just been christmas, family of 5 all of work/school. She had two bottles of juice, sandwich meat, cheese spread, yoghurts and some chocolates from selection boxes.

A, laughed and said don't be silly.
B told her she wasn't joking because she has a friend who knows a lady (Hmm) , and her fridge looked like this and SS swooped in and took the children away until she restocked her fridge.

Now A is a born worrier, she's nearly in tears by this point and says she hasn't got any money until Friday to stock the fridge back up to its full capacity as she didn't expect the family to go through so much so quickly.

B told her the other lady used that "excuse" and SS still removed the children.

I told B too bugger off trying to scare her and B insisted it was most definitley a real story. Luckily after the alcohol started flowing all seemed forgotten about until I got a text this morning of A, along the lines of
" would you be able too borrow me £30 until Friday? Do you think £30 will be enough to fill my fridge?"

im trying to calm A down by saying this is allowed of bullshit what B said, but am I right or is B?

AIBU to think because of people like B, families who do genuinley need help and guidance, don't admit it because of these kind of horror stories?

OP posts:
Gallavich · 01/01/2017 13:51

As everyone is scorning and scoffing 'wouldn't be this, wouldn't be that' so what would it be?

Significant harm. You can read the relevant sections of the children act if you want to read the legal definition of significant harm.

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 01/01/2017 13:52

Ive known A since primary school, she's got nothing else too worry about. It's no secret she's a worry wart always has been. At times far too much. She puts so much pressure on herself too be "perfect"
I think B was playing on that.

OP posts:
FireSquirrel · 01/01/2017 13:57

We had an unexpected welfare check from the police once due to a malicious complaint, they did check the fridge (which was emptyish as near the end of the month, we do a big monthly shop) but also checked several other things - kids appropriately clothed, bedding clean, bathroom clean and hygenic, etc. - and made a decision based on everything as a whole. They weren't the least bit worried about the fairly empty fridge as they could see the children were well looked after. That was the end of it, no action taken and no referral on to SS. SS have lots of failings but they aren't going to swoop in and remove a child purely due to a fridge being low on food. Friend B sounds like an utter twat.

Megatherium · 01/01/2017 13:58

It sounds very much like A needs to cut B right out of her life. Really, it's just common sense - SS are never going to turn up at people's houses and randomly inspect their fridge. Even if they had cause to do so, the fact that she had food in the freezer and elsewhere would mean that they were perfectly happy that the children could be fed. It sounds as if B was deliberately winding A up if she was still going on about it after you left.

miserablesod · 01/01/2017 14:03

ohtheroses i have no idea but i have only ever referred to parents/carers as Mr/Mrs/Miss or their first name if they prefer that.

OneInEight · 01/01/2017 14:10

The easiest way to get rid of social workers is to ask them for help then they disappear like a puff of smoke. More seriously despite several different social workers visiting our house not one has checked the fridge. They did briefly check the bedrooms for all of 5 seconds so I am mystified what they were looking for but we obviously passed despite the untidiness. There is no way they are going to raise concerns because of a post Christmas nearly empty fridge.

Caper86 · 01/01/2017 14:16

So was B going to call SS? Why would SS just show up to check a fridge?

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 01/01/2017 14:18

Your friend want you to 'borrow [sic] her money till Friday' for food but had plenty of drinks to serve up last night?
What a right bunch of friends.

AverageJosephine · 01/01/2017 14:20

B is nasty. A is quite foolish and uninformed.

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 01/01/2017 14:22

Mrs how did you get that from my OP?
Me and B brought a bottle round each to drink there. A had beer left over from Christmas and gifts. So when we left for the party at another house she brought them bottles.

She explained she'd bought enough to last them til Friday so she thought, but obviously all 3 children off school and husband off work, the fridge took a beating more than usual.

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 01/01/2017 14:23

Oh yes, SW's, HV, CAMHS - they all take to their heels if asked to actually do some work Tha might help the client/patient! I do agree with OneinEight there.

pudcat · 01/01/2017 14:23

Why did B look in fridge? She is a nasty person. My hubby had better go into care today as he is having choccy biscuits, crisps and stilton cheese today until I get to shop.

SantaIsABastard · 01/01/2017 14:24

I get the anxiety thing, but that stems from my mother saying the same as B when I was in the throes of pnd. Although over it I am far too harsh on my self and whole family in case a sw turns up. Not that they have cause to, except a 'friend' who is prone to making malicious ss calls when people piss her off. Luckily I haven't ever had it done tome but no doubt I will annoy her off one day.

SheFeedsYouTeaAndOranges · 01/01/2017 14:35

Frankly B is a bit of a bitch, but A needs to get a grip.

If her anxiety is genuinely that bad, then she needs to go to the dr, but otherwise, she needs to engage her brain and use a bit of common sense.

risingandashining · 01/01/2017 14:48

B - total knob who needs a kick up the arse into next week. A- perhaps needs to raise her self-esteem and learn to tell nasty eejits where to get off. Critical skill or you get chewed up and spat out by those toxic B's which sadly exist in all walks of life!

Marynary · 01/01/2017 15:03

I think that both B and A are extremely gullible and thick if they think that social services have got the time and money to randomly check everyone's fridges and put children into care solely because the fridge is a bit empty. No doubt someone told B that her children were taken into care for this reason and no other but I'm astounded she doesn't realise that there was more to the story.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/01/2017 15:03

She's got nothing else to worry about.
How do you know.Hmm

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 01/01/2017 15:06

spider how do you know she has got something to worry about ConfusedHmm

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/01/2017 15:07

Well I don't, but. You don't know that she hasn't.

HecateAntaia · 01/01/2017 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverySongbirdSays · 01/01/2017 15:11

Is B normally one of those people who creates and invents drama for the sake of it?

It's like some kind of self generated hysteria, like the weird reddit story about the woman who started a mass panic at work by simply being dim.

formerbabe · 01/01/2017 15:14

Person A could have anxiety. Anxiety can make you worry about things which seem ridiculous to everyone else. When I had my first baby, I was living in a lovely flat, clean, tidy, nicely decorated but I was worried that if anything was out of place or there was a speck of dust, the HV would think I wasn't coping very well. Looking back, I can see I was being ridiculous!

Trifleorbust · 01/01/2017 15:17

It doesn't matter whether your fridge is full or not if your kids are fed when it is time for a meal Hmm

Aeroflotgirl · 01/01/2017 15:18

There are some really mean people on here, A sounds like she has high anxiety, so this type of thing could really worry her. She might have other issues you don't know about.

CrohnicallyPregnant · 01/01/2017 15:19

What would be enough to remove a child?

I know of a few cases-
where mum was shooting up heroin when in sole charge of child.
Preschool child was left unsupervised to literally play in the road.
Child was physically abused while siblings were neglected- medical needs left untreated, constantly hungry, matted hair.

All 3 of these were placed in temp foster care or taken in by relatives and contact with parents was allowed.