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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Because of comments like this, is why people are terrified of SS.

162 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 01/01/2017 12:24

We was all at a friends house for a few drinks last night, before heading to a house party. The friends (I'll refer too her as A) house we was at she has 3 children - 7 yo twins and a 3 yo. Another friend (B) went into the fridge and gasped at how if social services was to enter her house they'd take the children of her due to lack of things in the fridge. I went to have a look and yes it was a bit emptyish, but has just been christmas, family of 5 all of work/school. She had two bottles of juice, sandwich meat, cheese spread, yoghurts and some chocolates from selection boxes.

A, laughed and said don't be silly.
B told her she wasn't joking because she has a friend who knows a lady (Hmm) , and her fridge looked like this and SS swooped in and took the children away until she restocked her fridge.

Now A is a born worrier, she's nearly in tears by this point and says she hasn't got any money until Friday to stock the fridge back up to its full capacity as she didn't expect the family to go through so much so quickly.

B told her the other lady used that "excuse" and SS still removed the children.

I told B too bugger off trying to scare her and B insisted it was most definitley a real story. Luckily after the alcohol started flowing all seemed forgotten about until I got a text this morning of A, along the lines of
" would you be able too borrow me £30 until Friday? Do you think £30 will be enough to fill my fridge?"

im trying to calm A down by saying this is allowed of bullshit what B said, but am I right or is B?

AIBU to think because of people like B, families who do genuinley need help and guidance, don't admit it because of these kind of horror stories?

OP posts:
Owllady · 01/01/2017 13:12

We have had a social worker (many) since my dd (disabled) was little
They have never looked in the fridge. I think a couple have looked in her bedroom.

HappyFlappy · 01/01/2017 13:13

Absolute bollox!

Friend A has no need to worry. Sometimes my fridge is stuffed - other times we are down to a Muller Lite (the beer, not the yoghurt) a sliver cheese and a elderly tomato. Many people are like this, especially if they are on a low income because they can't afford to just nip out and buy on impulse to stock their fridges and cupboards up - they do a shop - cupboards are "full" by the standards allowed by benefits, and then they live off it for a week.

Friend A has nothing to worry about unless her kids are malnourished, and I bet they aren't.

Friend B, on the other hand, needs her backside kicked!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/01/2017 13:14

Whilst I agree that yes B is talking bollocks and it's all a load of nonsence I did see this comment

But they're not the reason, they're small parts of a much bigger picture, including the fact that SS is involved at all

Having social services involvement is not a measuring tool of any real description, there are many reasons why someone may do and lots of them do not indicate an issue.
We live in a culture where over recent years referals to Childrens services have sky rocketed ridiculously and every single one has to be checked in some way- that is also them being involved.

Beebeeeight · 01/01/2017 13:16

Even when DCs are under child protection, fridge inspections are very rare.

There would have to be a specific reason for checking it eg baby not growing on percentiles/ child telling teacher they are hungry and don't get fed at home.

There are thousands of kids living in homes with empty fridges.
Hardly any of them will end up being removed.

AnUtterIdiot · 01/01/2017 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KnittedBlanketHoles · 01/01/2017 13:18

I have SS involvement, they've never looked in my fridge, they'd surely need to have worries about food to even bother.
There's often lager in my house too, never been mentioned because alcohol is not an issue, nothing about my home is, Dds behaviour is/was.

Similar story, angry impulsive teen SS involvement until she turned 17. Had social workers and police in my house countless times and even knowing that I have an eating disorder they've never once looked in my fridge.

JessicaEccles · 01/01/2017 13:19

I once op opened a fridge and a swarm of flies flew out. That was pretty bad.... but a cared for child, where the family are just about to go shopping- your 'friend' is a shit stirrer.

cherrycrumblecustard · 01/01/2017 13:20

What would actually lead to children being taken into care?

As everyone is scorning and scoffing 'wouldn't be this, wouldn't be that' so what would it be?

dollyollymolly · 01/01/2017 13:20

I know a couple of children's social workers and, believe me, they have far more sinister things to deal with than an empty fridge.

OhTheRoses · 01/01/2017 13:21

I will say though that having received a call from a social worker they were so rude, it bordered upon being offensive. The individual was a rude arse who introduced himself as Mr x, referred to me as "mum", and when I asked to be called Mrs Roses, addressed me as "Roses". Shocking behaviour. The Director of Children's services apologised. The case was closed and it was confirmed in writing. About one aspect I took legal advice - A&E's actions breached the MH Code of Conduct and the Capacity Act. I can see therefore how people end up in a pickle when dealing with these situations.

MistressMaisie · 01/01/2017 13:22

Childhood obesity is at an all time high. A junk food free fridge is a very good thing I would think.

Scaffleen · 01/01/2017 13:24

This is absolutely ridiculous! My fridge is almost always empty, except on the food shop days! I meal plan and have a freezer. My Mum on the other hand has a serious problem with food. Her cupboards, fridge and freezer is stocked to overflowing! This drives me bonkers because it's mostly out of date stuff as there is no way she knows what she has, but she keeps On buying stuff on offer and forgetting about it. I know what's in my cupboards/Fridge and know what we'll be eating. Maybe your friend was going out for dinner or round to a relatives. It does seem a bit odd to have an empty fridge the night before most ships will be closed. But I seriously doubt she is starving her childrenHmm

ExcellentWorkThereMary · 01/01/2017 13:26

Haha B sounds ridiculously stupid. Does she think social workers just go round banging on random doors and asking to look in random people's fridges?! Like they've got nothing else to be doing? How on earth does A think that Ss would know about the contents of her fridge?! I'd be concerned about A's level of panic too, sounds a bit like there are other things going in for her to be worried about SS. Perhaps she has had previous involvement you don't know about. I can't imagine anyone actually worrying that a complete stranger from SS could turn up unannounced and look in their fridge?! Then take their kids. And all within the next 5 days? How utterly bizarre. I'd say there is more going on with A that you don't know about. B is either not very bright or a really horrible person.

miserablesod · 01/01/2017 13:28

In that case flogging no we don't have the right to turn up to anyones home and do fridge spot checks. Who in their right mind would think we have the time to do that!

Jesuswepthelpmeadvise · 01/01/2017 13:31

I have had dealings with SS and they have NEVER EVER looked in the fridge, freezer or kitchen cupboards.
They have looked at every room in the house including all of the bedrooms but never the fridge.
SS would be much more concerned if the children were significantly under/overweight, regardless of the contents of the fridge/freezer/food cupboards.
There are many different ways to feed a child and not all of them involve home cooking in your own house.
Hope this helps.

IHaveBrilloHair · 01/01/2017 13:32

Same knitted, police been here plenty of times, even when I've had a drink, never mentioned as it's been, say midnight on a Friday and I've had maybe two/three drinks and I'm clearly watching a film.
Nothing concerning about alcohol which it would presumably need to be for ss to be involved because of it.

OhTheRoses · 01/01/2017 13:33

Can I ask miserable why a social worker might think they can refer to me as "mum* rather than using my name, and my title too if they announce themselves as Mr x. Or was this sw just ruder than friend B? Bad enough being referred; being spoken to like shit didn't help the situation.

RebelRogue · 01/01/2017 13:36

I know someone who if you listen to,will say SS are power hungry,corrupt,target reaching bastards,and there were no reasons whatsoever for her kids to be removed,except for a string of abusive relationships,neglect,erratic lifestyle and drug and alcohol abuse ofc.

LunaLoveg00d · 01/01/2017 13:39

B is unpleasant and shouldn't be making comments on the contents of people's fridges anyway - how very rude.

A is unreasonable to dwell on what B has said to the extent of asking to borrow money.

Both as bad as each other.

RandomMcRandomer · 01/01/2017 13:41

B is an idiot. Anyone who thinks social services remove a child because the fridge is a bit lacking is incredibly gullible and naive.

My kids often have no bedsheets. They are given bedsheets but they pull them off. I spend half my life putting them back on. I'm fairly sure social services will forgive me this "sign of abuse"

I hope a is ok.

RebelRogue · 01/01/2017 13:45

Luna OP does say A is a born worrier. Not that could mean just that,or someone who suffers from anxiety. Either way it's very twattish to prey on that and continue to comment(and add horror stories), after A tried to dismiss it,knowing her inclination to worry.

KrissyKringlefromCandyCaneLane · 01/01/2017 13:46

B is an idiot. A very gullible idiot if she actually believed that someone had their children taken away because of an empty fridge alone.

My bio mother would swear blind that the reason I was removed at birth was because she didn't have a sofa or wardrobe.

Nothing to do with her drug use, alcoholism or history of violence towards her older children.

TataEs · 01/01/2017 13:47

my fridge is totally empty, two bottles of cider, milk that goes off tomorrow, butter (that isn't real butter much to my horror) and a few condiments...

however i have food... pasta, tinned toms, etc to make sauce, beans, tinned soup, eggs, bread, croissants, and in the freezer i have sausages, chicken, potato based products, frozen veg, frozen fruit for smoothies, onion rings, emergency pizzas, fish fingers....

i'll go shopping tomorrow but an empty fridge is not even a sign of having no food. let alone a reason for social services to be concerned.

unless B is calling social services now, how exactly does she expect ss to find out??

CatsAndCocktails · 01/01/2017 13:50

This has inspired me to look in my fridge. We have milk, orange juice, cheese, some blueberries, half a bottle of wine and some tonic water. However, both freezers have loads of meals that were batched cooked before Christmas and the cupboards are reasonably well stocked. We haven't been to a supermarket since before Christmas and the vast amount of leftovers took up most of the fridge, until DH ate his way through them all.

Our fridge content can be really minimal at times but the children are healthy. To me an empty fridge just says someone needs to go shopping, whereas a full fridge but a malnourished child is something far more serious.

Jux · 01/01/2017 13:51

I (very briefly) had ss involvement - well, a social worker came to see me along with my hv, so I assume that someone had called someone. She was perfectly nice, sat on my sofa with hv for half an hour or so, chatted to me, saw me with dd (baby at the time) and went away. Never heard another word.

She didn't look in my fridge or anywhere else that I can remember; I suppose she could have while going to the loo, but I can't even remember if she did that. It was a complete non-event. Nice woman.

You could show your friend A this thread, if you think it would reassure her.

I do have a sw now because I am disabled. I see her probably every two years. She sits in my incredibly cluttered and untidy kitchen and chats for a while about how my condition affects me. The first time she came I was seriously worried that she'd take one look at the state of the house and take dd (then 6 or 7) away. She didn't. She sent me a carer who helps me remember appointments, wash my hair - among other things - and who also hoovers!

I love my SW! (I love my carer too!)