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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Because of comments like this, is why people are terrified of SS.

162 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 01/01/2017 12:24

We was all at a friends house for a few drinks last night, before heading to a house party. The friends (I'll refer too her as A) house we was at she has 3 children - 7 yo twins and a 3 yo. Another friend (B) went into the fridge and gasped at how if social services was to enter her house they'd take the children of her due to lack of things in the fridge. I went to have a look and yes it was a bit emptyish, but has just been christmas, family of 5 all of work/school. She had two bottles of juice, sandwich meat, cheese spread, yoghurts and some chocolates from selection boxes.

A, laughed and said don't be silly.
B told her she wasn't joking because she has a friend who knows a lady (Hmm) , and her fridge looked like this and SS swooped in and took the children away until she restocked her fridge.

Now A is a born worrier, she's nearly in tears by this point and says she hasn't got any money until Friday to stock the fridge back up to its full capacity as she didn't expect the family to go through so much so quickly.

B told her the other lady used that "excuse" and SS still removed the children.

I told B too bugger off trying to scare her and B insisted it was most definitley a real story. Luckily after the alcohol started flowing all seemed forgotten about until I got a text this morning of A, along the lines of
" would you be able too borrow me £30 until Friday? Do you think £30 will be enough to fill my fridge?"

im trying to calm A down by saying this is allowed of bullshit what B said, but am I right or is B?

AIBU to think because of people like B, families who do genuinley need help and guidance, don't admit it because of these kind of horror stories?

OP posts:
TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 01/01/2017 12:53

Poor A. Someone as insecure as her doesn't need someone like person B in their lives. Person B sounds gullible, not nasty, to me.

SS don't do random checks on people's fridges. If they're already involved in your life then maybe they'd check your fridge if they were concerned about the children not being fed properly, but fgs, an ounce of sense tells you that they don't randomly remove children because your fridge isn't groaning with food.

Frankly I couldn't cope with either of them, I don't suffer fools gladly.

Frusso · 01/01/2017 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BonesyBones · 01/01/2017 12:54

What a load of nonsense. I used to care for my teenage sister. Her social worker came twice a week and had certainly seen my empty much emptier than your friends fridge while making a cuppa. Social worker never threatened to remove my sister or my own DC as a result Confused

Fadingmemory · 01/01/2017 12:54

And what about any other food that is not kept not in the fridge? Frozen food, tinned, dry eg pasta, rice, cereal, root vegetables etc. B was thoughtless and entirely wrong. B would no longer be a friend of mine without a genuine apology.

MrsJayy · 01/01/2017 12:54

Jesus wept Ss dont do random fridge checks your friend is clearly a paranoid tool, and the lady she doesnt really know didnt have her children taken away because she hadnt been shopping

Gallavich · 01/01/2017 12:55

I don't look in fridges unless the presenting issue is neglect. If we receive a referral for DV and the school has no issues to report, child has packed lunches or lunch money, they aren't malnourished or obviously overweight, the home conditions are good, why would I look in the fridge? That's intrusive and unnecessary.

MotherFuckingChainsaw · 01/01/2017 12:57

These stories start because as a pp says, the empty fridge is a tiny part of a massive picture of neglect or abuse.

The family of the child taken into care can't or won't grasp all the reasons for the intervention and rationalise it to themselves and others as 'it's because the fridge was empty once' or 'we didn't decorate the bedroom'

This then gets believed and passed on as True Fact by credulous idiots. Even if your friend B believed it she was a Massive twat to scare friend A with this sort of shite. If it was true 90%of the population will be fucked today. We have some out of date bacon, a portion of toffee pudding and a bottle of becks.

cherrycrumblecustard · 01/01/2017 12:57

Well, I'd be pretty terrified of SS! Fridge is full, though.

BravoPanda · 01/01/2017 12:59

Footinmouth, the police would not waste time coming out to see a 13yr/15yr old who had just been left home alone for the day unless MIL claimed they were also being battered and starved and their Mum was out for more than a day. What a load of bull.

When did everyone suddenly become such a bunch of pandering fannies that at that age it would even be a concern?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/01/2017 12:59

Friend B is a fucking grade A* arsehole. She knew the women was worrying, yet. She still went on scaring her. A lot more compassion, she'd be fucking narcassist.
Also she had no business go through someone's fridge. How rude.

formerbabe · 01/01/2017 12:59

your friend is clearly a paranoid tool

That's a very unkind comment. Perhaps she has anxiety?

AnyFucker · 01/01/2017 13:01

B needs telling to STFU

reallyanotherone · 01/01/2017 13:01

Jeez.

I'm in temporary accomodation at the moment as we're relocating. I don't have a bloody fridge! Well we do, but it's a counter top one which fits 2 pints of milk and a pack of butter.

What would ss or B make of that. Best remove my kids and traumatise them for life until our building work is done and we can move back.

Fwiw my kids are perfectly well fed. Ok we have one too many takeaways and eat out more than we should, but it's perfectly possible to go to the shop every day for that nights tea..

Floggingmolly · 01/01/2017 13:02

Your thread title is a load of balls, really; because most people with even a tiny rational part of their brain in working order would have recognised the comment for the raving madness / simple spite that it was.
It certainly wouldn't have induced a "terror" of ss in anyone I know Hmm

ninenicknames · 01/01/2017 13:03

The lack of understanding in the UK as to the role of safeguarding professionals and the protection of the most vulnerable members of society continues to astound me.

THIS

there are shocking stories where SS get it so wrong thou. So lack of understanding is right because they get it wrong!

miserablesod · 01/01/2017 13:04

When i carry out assessments i do ask to look around the property, including fridge/freezer/cupboards. It forms a bigger picture, a bare fridge alone would not cause us to take such extreme action but if its coupled with an unkempt house, no bedding, malnorished children etc, then we will take further action.

Your friend need not worry.

littlemissangrypants · 01/01/2017 13:05

Social workers try their best to keep families together and often kids get damaged through this. I certainly feel damaged by having been kept within the family for too long. I do not blame social workers for this as their hands were tied. They do a bloody good job in terrible circumstances and with few resources.

There is certainly not enough social workers to check fridges of families that have no other social services involvement. Social workers are not the enemy. The things they see I think they are bloody heroes for even getting out of bed in the morning.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 01/01/2017 13:06

I hope you both ditch that mean spirited cow.

RebelRogue · 01/01/2017 13:07

B is so far up her own arse her breath smells of shit. If this were any of my friends i'd give her a right bollocking for 1. Spouting nonsense and 2. Worrying A. B might be either stupid and completely clueless to the anxiety she caused,or she might actually enjoy pushing A's buttons. You know best.

RebelRogue · 01/01/2017 13:08

Also SS needs a reason to be involved,they don't do random drop by fridge searches ffs.

Hidingtonothing · 01/01/2017 13:08

If that was true they'd have a field day in my house, we tend to shop in little bits every couple of days so there's never much in my fridge or cupboards and we eat very little frozen food so the freezer is pretty bare too, doesn't mean for one second that DD goes without! I think you just have to keep reassuring A, point out that SS would have to have pretty serious other concerns to even be looking in her fridge and that B is talking out of her arse.

mouldycheesefan · 01/01/2017 13:08

It's not ss that are the problem it's b being an idiot and a being gullible.
I wouldn't be friends with b they are a tosser.

Floggingmolly · 01/01/2017 13:09

But op's friend hasn't actually been referred to social services, miserable... She seems to think that they have both the will, the legal right and the manpower to spend their days doing random spot checks on people who have never even been brought to their attention.
It's all a bit Big Brother, isn't it? It's 2017, not 1948 1984.

blueskyinmarch · 01/01/2017 13:10

As a SW I have looked in many a fridge but it is usually on top of children being neglected in many other ways and concerns about money being used for drugs/alcohol etc. Also some families are good at pretending things are fine but the cupboards are empty and the kids bedrooms are cold and sparse. However an empty fridge on its own would never be a reason to remove children. The SW would assist the family in getting to a food bank or getting a food voucher. Friend B is a scaremongering idiot. Friend A needs to not worry.

Olympiathequeen · 01/01/2017 13:11

In that case half of us here will be raided by SS! What a load of old twaddle. In my old job I used to have contact with SS and they are super busy and only looking into serious issues.

B is a twat.