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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have offered to held this baby?

156 replies

DontGoRihannonStay · 31/12/2016 00:53

Dh and I visited a local Italian restaurant for dinner tonight. Couple
In with a young baby (about 3/4 months I think)
Baby started crying then mum started crying, seemed embarrassed. I offered to walk about with baby an managed to get her back to sleep while parents finished their meal.
Dh said I was embarrassing and now I am worried they thought I was weird!

OP posts:
CuppaSarah · 31/12/2016 10:17

I think it's lovely! I remember when DD was tiny and we were getting a cup of tea. The manager asked if she could have her while we enjoyed out tea and cake. Then she wafted round clearing tables one handed, but mostly showing off my DD to all the older ladies having tea. It was lovely enjoying a hot cup of tea and hearing so many people coo over my baby.

I think you did a lovely thing and that mum will be going on about it in 5 years time like I still do over the coffee shop woman.

CuppaSarah · 31/12/2016 10:20

I should add I had bad PND, I was terrified and thought I was doing a bad job of everything. But the manager taking DD while I had some quiet to enjoy my tea, didn't make me feel worse. In fact it made me feel much better hearing everyone talk about how good she was and how cute she was.

mygorgeousmilo · 31/12/2016 10:26

The thing is that they let you do it, so therefore were not uncomfortable or anything. If it was weird then they would have said no and left. I think the fear of embarrassment puts people off of offering to help others in this type of situation, and I'm glad for them that you did it! I've done the odd "let me help, I can see it's all too much" type of thing, and people have done it for me - I still remember them all! I've held toddler's hands, rocked newborns, even held a dog's lead while a new mum was in a pickle. I've had a few people grab mine by park exits while I've tried to chase them weighed down with a younger one, someone pushed my pram back and forth while I played with my toddler in a park, and a sweet waitress in a restaurant bounced our eldest around while we ate and it was quiet in there. I remember years ago a family faffing getting into their car outside my house and I could hear the discussion about where should they buy calpol, baby was screaming, toddler was moaning and everyone stressed - i just came out and said that I'm sorry but did overhear them.... here are some calpol sachets, a pack of rice cakes and an innocent smoothie. I'll never forget how delighted they were, like their faith in humanity had been restored you're welcome anyway about a month later got a thank you card and box of chocolates through the door saying again how grateful they were. It has encouraged me to always offer to lend a hand, if they don't want it they'll simply say no thanks!

travellinglighter · 31/12/2016 10:28

Happened to us when DD was a babe in arms. Lovely lady came over and walked her around the pool in her buggy while we ate, we were so grateful.

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2016 10:29

"think you did a lovely thing and that mum will be going on about it in 5 years time like I still do over the coffee shop woman"

But it should be just normal.

AliceInUnderpants · 31/12/2016 10:42

Ah, how lovely of you, but I agree with Betrand - this should just be the norm. I would love to live in a society where we all helped out with our children in this way. It's one of the reasons I do voluntary work with children, there are now many children who know me, that I know and can help with if I see them in other circumstances. That makes more sense in my head, I hope you understand what I am trying to say.
A couple of years ago, my girls were at swimming lessons, and so was my doctor with her four children. She was trying to get the eldest two dried and dressed, and one of the twins (around 8 months, IIRC) was crying and whinging from the playpen, but she had no choice but to ignore. I offered to hold him as mine were mostly ready. We walked around a bit - I got to pacify a short-lived broodines, she got to spend a bit of time concentrating on the older kids. I'd have offered the same for any family even if I didn't know them. I'm always the twat playing peek-a-boo or sticking my tongue out at some whinging toddler in their pushchair.

FurryLittleTwerp · 31/12/2016 12:21

A lovely gesture & they were fine with it, so no problem at all.

It's not as if you were playing tug-of-war with the tot shouting "I want a go with the baby" Grin

Biffsboys · 31/12/2016 12:32

It was a lovey thing to do . I was this mum on a flight with a screaming baby and I was in tears. A lovely woman walked the aisle with him till he settled . This was 20 years ago and I still remember how grateful I felt .

ragz134 · 31/12/2016 12:34

I had a stranger do this for me in a library, she walked around with baby DS while I did my stuff, I was so grateful!

jimijack · 31/12/2016 12:38

Oh my God I would have loved you if you had done this for me.
Not embarrassing, lovely, just lovely x

WhooooAmI24601 · 31/12/2016 12:39

What a lovely thing to do! A lady once offered to hold DS2 when he was newborn as I tried to unload a trolley of shopping at a supermarket, she left her trolley, held him as I packed and even walked us to the car. It was a gorgeous gesture on a day when I felt monumentally crap. I'd always offer to help someone if I could.

MrsJayy · 31/12/2016 14:44

I think kindness is sometimes seen as interfering on mumsnet which is a real shame i have done the odd can i help type thing with toddlers and babies and chaos and always met with a yes thanks, but you read on here omg somebody glanced at my baby from over the road how dare they it is very odd imo

Fuckingnamechanged · 31/12/2016 15:13

I'm assuming your DP is a teenager considering he's actually embarrassed by his partner socialising and being a kind human being.

Minivaperviper · 31/12/2016 15:53

It's a lovely and thoughtful thing to do, when my dc was a baby people would offer to hold her while I put the pram up on the bus, I was never brave enough to dine out then but when she was older many people are gracious about toddlers in resturaunts.

When in Spain random strangers would walk up to my dc and offer words of comfort if she was upset. It's heart warming to see.

You gave these people a moment to be themselves and be able to eat a hot meal in piece. They will be thankful

OnTheUp13 · 31/12/2016 15:57

I've been that crying mum and I probably would've paid for your meal if you did that for me! It's a lovely thing to do

AlpacaPicnic · 31/12/2016 16:23

I sometimes think babies calm down quicker when they aren't winding their parents up! Because they can feel mum and dad getting stressed which in turn, stresses them out.

Sometimes I think it's the novelty of a newish bit of scenery. And sometimes it's just the law of sod that parents have tried everything to calm them down then a new face comes along and the calmness descends...

I love being trusted with a wiggly baby.

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2016 16:29

I genuinely don't understand this thread.

What you did was a nice and completely normal thing OP.

Either your DH has really knocked your confidence over the years, or there's something else going on in your mind, perhaps?

MrsJayy · 31/12/2016 16:29

Alpaca i think that can be true with some babies but my Aunts GrtGbaby hates me i visit every other week usually Gd is there, baby is 8 months old and grouchy andit makes him worse if i go anywhere near him I take it personally 😁

TimeIhadaNameChange · 31/12/2016 16:32

I did something similar a few years ago, with the difference being the wee one was quite happy sat on dad's lap, but I fancied a cuddle and knew it would be easier for dad to eat with two hands.

We were in a local cafe. I'd gone with a friend and we headed to our favourite table. This couple and child were at the table next to us. I said hello to the child (as is my wont) and out ny hands out, admitting to the parents I was being cheeky. Baby got put into my hands. It was great!

My friend was horrified when she realised I had no idea who these people were. Apparently I can't just go round demanding to hold children! But I didn't demand, I asked, and parents and child were all quite happy with this arrangement.

wevecomeonholidaybymistake · 31/12/2016 16:35

Someone did this for me once when DD was a couple of months old. In all honesty I could have kissed her, she was an angel.

EuropeanSwallow · 31/12/2016 16:38

You are lovely OP and your DH is the weird one if showing kindness to strangers is so embarrassing to him. If that poor mum was actually crying, they must have been desperate for a little help or even just an understanding word. I've certainly offered to help, and understood if turned down because new parents aren't always comfortable to have strangers handle their newborns. I'm always the one helping carry buggies up and down stairs too even if I was originally going in the opposite direction because I remember similar struggles when mine were babies.

DontEatTheSweets · 31/12/2016 20:22

Stealth boast ? Wink

OP, you already knew that you weren't being unreasonable didn't you. 😂

Sassypants82 · 31/12/2016 20:32

Gorgeous Flowers

Good on you. What a lovely end to their year.

The day of my DS's first birthday, we pulled into our local Tesco. An Der lady chatted to us & admired our baby. He put his arms out to her. I passed him over & they had a lovely cuddle. She looked so thrilled & I was delighted. It was a lovely moment.

Cynara · 31/12/2016 20:35

This happened to me when DS was 3 weeks old. DP and I were trying to eat breakfast in an hotel, DS was crying and wouldn't settle. A woman on the next table was obviously engaged in an argument with her husband - she wanted to do something; he was telling her not to. She told him to shut up, then turned round and offered to hold DS so I could eat. I was exhausted and starving, and immediately accepted. She held DS and rocked him until he settled. Her husband was mortified but I finished my breakfast and to this day remember how kind and understanding she was when I really needed it. You're lovely, and your husband is being weird. HTH.

willowpatterned · 31/12/2016 20:47

I would love it if you offered to help me like this. YANBU. I wish there were more people like you.