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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have offered to held this baby?

156 replies

DontGoRihannonStay · 31/12/2016 00:53

Dh and I visited a local Italian restaurant for dinner tonight. Couple
In with a young baby (about 3/4 months I think)
Baby started crying then mum started crying, seemed embarrassed. I offered to walk about with baby an managed to get her back to sleep while parents finished their meal.
Dh said I was embarrassing and now I am worried they thought I was weird!

OP posts:
VeritysWatchTower · 31/12/2016 08:11

I too would have offered to hold a squidgy baby whilst a couple ate their meal.

I have helped get toddler legs into supermarket trolleys, held babies whilst their Mum's have gone on rides in play gyms with their 3 year olds, held a baby whilst their Mum folded a pram to get on the bus etc

I do this because I had no family help due to geography and when my youngest was a baby a couple of Mums were incredibly kind to me and did something similar. I am still friends with those Mums and that was 10 years ago. It is a kindness to show compassion and offer help.

FeedMyFaceWithJaffaCakes · 31/12/2016 08:14

What a lovely thing to do

Gladiatorsready · 31/12/2016 08:15

What a really lovely thing to do Flowers

stillwantrachelshair · 31/12/2016 08:35

I've done this a few times having had it happen to me when the DC were small and been incredibly grateful. In the summer, I was at a pub with DH and the in-laws and the couple next to us had twins asleep in a pushchair. The food was taking ages and you could tell the mum was getting worried about when the twins would wake. Of course one stirred as soon as the food arrived so I offered to hold the baby & did. DH and PIL looked at me as though I was mad which probably didn't reassure the parents much!

SoupDragon · 31/12/2016 08:38

You did a nice thing.

Once a whole succession of trendy young hairdressers held my baby DD whilst she screamed as I had my haircut. She eventually screamed herself to sleep in a snotty mess on someone's black clad shoulder. They got a huge tip!

She's 10 now and I still thnk of it whenever I go there.

stillwantrachelshair · 31/12/2016 08:38

PS I've often found too that in a "not enough hands" scenario, it is easier to hold the baby than it is to try & collapse someone else's buggy or that sort of thing. If DD was hungry, she was better with someone else as, with me, she'd be diving around trying to get to my breasts and I'd start leaking so I was always glad to hand her over.

CheeseFiend36 · 31/12/2016 08:41

Just to echo everybody here, that was such a lovely thing of you to do!

DS is 6months old and more settled in public now, but in the early months, he would get very ratty very quickly and I would get so stressed out.

When he was about 4 months I was at ASDA doing the big weekly shop when he started crying in his seat just as I was at the checkout starting to load my trolley full of goods onto the conveyor. I was struggling to comfort him on one shoulder while using my other arm to empty the trolley one at a time. Out of nowhere a lady ran over to me, told me to carry on settling the baby and emptied the entire contents of my trolley onto the belt. And not just shoved them anywhere, emptied and organised them all properly. I wanted to bloody kiss her!

She then offered to pack my bags but by that point DS had settled happily back into his seat.

I just thought it was a lovely thing to do especially as she had her own shopping and she probably sacrificed herself a place at an empty checkout to help me. I remember saying thank you to her literally every 30 seconds as I was so grateful!

Honestly you did a lovely thing, so often in these situations new mum's wrongly think that when their babies are in distress they are being judged by strangers for not coping. I know I have felt like that so many times.

Rachel0Greep · 31/12/2016 08:43

I think it's lovely. A small gesture of kindness that meant a lot to that couple. I have been called upon to hold babies, or offered to help, from time to time, for example, a granny trying to shepherd three little girls onto the bus one day. I helped to get them into a seat, someone else helped collapse a buggy. It was all small things, by strangers, and the granny was delighted.

Dayatatime · 31/12/2016 08:46

When DS was little it was fantastic to get strangers help when out and about esp when eating. But this only ever seems to happen in other countries where staff always seem happy to look after a child

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2016 08:48

So nice to see that the overwhelming majority think this is perfectly normal and would do it themselves. So against the general Mumsnet attitude to "strangers".....

Beth2511 · 31/12/2016 08:54

i wish there were more people like you than some of the horrid comments when im trying to battle a "spirited'2 year old and a 12 week old

SheSparkles · 31/12/2016 08:56

That couple will always remember you for your help.
Such a lovely thing to do, especially in an age of people choosing to be offended at so many little things

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 31/12/2016 08:59

Not a baby one, but DS being 2 and in prime tantrum age fell at the time I was pregnant with DS2. He once had a whopping tantrum in the entrance of the supermarket. I was 38 weeks pregnant and on crutches, and we'd gone to the cafe for lunch to break the monotony of being in the house, and it was one of the few things left within my walking power. He wanted to go into the shop to see the toys, and it was beyond me, so he had an epic tantrum.

I remain eternally grateful to the lovely couple who distracted him out of it. I could no longer bend down to him and my only option was to wait it out until he could walk back to the car (I couldn't push buggies/ trolleys because of the pressure and posture to my pelvis). Any way, with my permission they carried him over to a ride, then insisted on putting some money in to distract him and cheer him up, and it worked, and 5 minutes later we were able to return to the car.

Their act of kindness has stayed with me for several years and probably (hopefully) alway will.Smile

FindoGask · 31/12/2016 08:59

You did a LOVELY thing! Your DH is being a dick.

youarenotkiddingme · 31/12/2016 09:03

It's a lovely thing to do. It's so hard when you have a baby and aren't sleeping and just can't get 5 minutes.

I'm sure you made more of a difference to her than you'll realise.

My Ds was a colicky baby. He screamed everyday from 5-7pm. And I mean screamed! One day my neighbour (ex midwife) turned up at 5.30pm walked into my bathroom, ran me a bath, thrust a coffee and magazine in my direction and told me to get in that bath and she'd be back once Ds was asleep, popped him in his pram and started out the front door. Grin

Ds is now 12. I've NEVER forgotten what she did that day and I've not seen her for over 10 years as I moved away.

Mummatron3000 · 31/12/2016 09:05

I think it was a lovely thing to do.
Maybe as MNers we could agree to offer help to any parents struggling with LOs in public (and to accept offers of help)

Ginmakesitallok · 31/12/2016 09:08

Am I the only one who wouldn't hand my baby over to a complete stranger then??

GoodyGoodyGumdrops · 31/12/2016 09:08

Have you got the message yet? GrinGrinGrin

My mum used to do it. I do it. I've had it done for me. It's lovely and kind.

I did something similar for a mum when my youngest was several months old. We ended up breastfeeding at the same table in the cafe.

A few years later, I'm having a cup of tea alone in that cafe, when a lady asks if she can join me. It was that same mum. She had remembered me!

TheMortificadosDragon · 31/12/2016 09:09

Someone did this for me when DD was about 5 months old (trying to eat lunch outside at Arley Hall, DH in charge of dachshund) so we were very grateful for the extra pair of calm hands.

My mother had a saying, 'a little help is worth a lot of sympathy'.Smile

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2016 09:09

It's interesting that so many people are talking about this as a really unusual occurrence. "Such a lovely thing to do" "They will always remember it" sort of comments. That sounds strange to the non British heritage part of me!

Maybe we should make a Mumsnet New Years Resolution to always offer to help in circumstances like this?

Notsleepingeveragain · 31/12/2016 09:10

I would have loved you for this.

Your husband is harsh!

Blacksox · 31/12/2016 09:12

Well they obviously didn't think you a weirdo as they let you hold their baby!

I wouldn't let a complete stranger take my baby, but maybe that's just me!

ParrotPudding · 31/12/2016 09:13

As a parent of two, my eldest being the most vocal, sensitive, opinionated baby in the entire world, who actually managed to NOT sleep for an entire 3 weeks, from the bottom of my heart i thank you OP. And all you other amazing Mnetters. Those little acts of kindness are so much more than you realise. At a time when it feels like youre drowning and everyone can see it, its so good to have someone on your side.
CakeFlowers for you all!

BertrandRussell · 31/12/2016 09:15

"I wouldn't let a complete stranger take my baby, but maybe that's just me!"

Why not?

sippingginandlemon · 31/12/2016 09:16

Once when my DD was tiny, we had taken her to Italy. Every time we ate out (small town miles from nowhere) if the baby cried, she was gently taken by one of the older ladies. She was rocked, fussed over and shown to the other diners.

This happened many times over the holiday.
I ate in peace, I could always see my baby and thought what a lovely culture.

They actively welcome babies and young children. You are made to feel proud, never ashamed.

What you did would have been completely in keeping with this. I was going to ask if you were Italian.