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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About lending a present??

140 replies

lorelairoryemily · 30/12/2016 22:51

A friend of mine bought us a travel cot for our ds, gave it to us when he was a few weeks old then 2 weeks later before we'd even gotten to use it text me to say she had to borrow it to use for her husbands nephews child who was coming to stay. Aibu to be really fucked off and not want it back??

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 31/12/2016 08:52

I don't think you can compare make up which is a consumable with a piece of equipment that would be no less able to be used by you in future for having been leant back when you weren't using it though.

Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 08:54

Bad example ellisandra but you get my point I'm sure

OP posts:
Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 08:57

Anyway my aibu was aibu to be pissed off that she asked and to not want it back as she seems to thinks it's hers to use whenever she wants. I lent it, I didn't say it wouldn't be useable I just said I don't want it anymore because it doesn't feel like it's mine

OP posts:
Potnoodlewilld0 · 31/12/2016 08:59

Oh god sh sounds horrible and such a drain.

Why are you even friends with her?

Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 09:03

Potnoodle through accidental circumstances!! Forced together by work but no longer work together and I'm going to be pulling away!

OP posts:
Potnoodlewilld0 · 31/12/2016 09:34

I'd give it to her and tell her to keep it. She doesn't own the shit she gifts you.

If you swopped gifts I'd just say 'let's just do a straight swop back' Winkv

SouthWindsWesterly · 31/12/2016 09:45

Just stop it. Why do you feel you owe her? She's a taker - if she gives you anything, she owns it don't you know? She screwed you over on business rental, she basically got you to do the graft to set up shop and she doesn't take no for an answer. Cut your ties and if you find this friendship that difficult, bin it. Just remain professional and polite to her elsewhere.

DJBaggySmalls · 31/12/2016 09:51

She sounds like a classic miser, she cant give anything.

JinnanTonik · 31/12/2016 10:11

OP I get your point, a brand new item gifted to you gets used by another child before your DC gets to even sit in it, so essentially now being 'second-hand' for your child! Weird but I was a paranoid germaphobe with my first born NOTHING touched by another person! I couldn't have put my child in that after being used....second child could have eaten from the cats bowl and I wouldn't have batted an eye!

I would 'gift' it back to her (as an early birthday present) brushing away any refusal by saying she obviously needs it more than you, just buy yourself a proper brand new playpen if that's what you really wanted Wink

Reality16 · 31/12/2016 10:50

I don't really see the problem tbh and I have RTFT.

she asked nicely (which you eventually confirmed) then YOU lied to her for god knows what reason and then she made a comment which was probably a bit jokey but you initially posted as a much more harsh version of what you told us she eventually said.

Based on that situation alone, because I can't take any others into consideration given the changes in this one, If anyone is a shit friend here, I don't think it's her.

Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 14:11

Reality you are of course entitled to your opinion but you are wrongSmile

OP posts:
Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 14:12

And just to clarify her comment that I would have to get one for her was not a joke and since you don't know her how can you assume it was?

OP posts:
QueenLizIII · 31/12/2016 14:15

give her the sodding thing back and end the friendship

Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 14:18

Thanks everyone, so the general consensus is I'm not being unreasonable!!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 31/12/2016 14:39

'And I did lend it'

More fool you! Stop being such a mug. Text her back. 'I don't want the travel cot back. Just keep it.' and then GET RID of her! Don't be so stupid.

Reality16 · 31/12/2016 14:47

Reality you are of course entitled to your opinion but you are wrong. Well that's the thing about opinions, they are neither right nor wrong.

However....

'AIBU?'

'Yes'

'No I am not, you are wrong'

Just gets on my tits. Why bother posting if you are not prepared to accept a response other than your own opinion?

Funny thing is, until I read through and saw that your original version of both texts she sent differed from the actual text you then went on to say she sent I was going to say YWNBU.

The examples you gave of other situations mean nothing as you already changed the wording of her texts when you first listed about it here, so what's to say the next version of other events wouldn't have been different too?

Don't ask if you are BU if you are going to point blank tell people they are wrong. Why would you even ask if you were just going to dismiss any opinion other than the one that suited you? Did you need a pat on the fucking back or something?!

expatinscotland · 31/12/2016 14:50

OP, why not channel some of the assertiveness you've shown on this thread into your real life, stop being such a wet lettuce and fuck this woman off once and for all?

KayTee87 · 31/12/2016 14:52

I would definitely buy a better one and if she offers that one back just tell her it's ok as you've bought yourself another one.

iminshock · 31/12/2016 14:57

What reality said.
Would you lend the cot to another friend ? One who hadn't bought it ?

And you think it's ok to lie to your friend ?

Very strange thread.

I'd lend any friend anything within reason if I wasn't using it.

Aderyn2016 · 31/12/2016 15:10

I wouldn't give it back to her - sounds like she has taken enough from you over the years. Keep the cot and lose her!

Some people are just takers. My mum had a 'friend' who, along with her h, was happy to take quite expensive things from her but the one time my mum asked for help they were really shitty. It certainly wakes you up to the true nature of the relationship.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2016 15:24

Extremely rude of her op, you just do not do that. For you to source another one for her, how cheeky. I would give her it back and tell her to keep it! Distance myself from her.

Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 16:47

Reality have you had a bad day? No need to be so rude. I didn't change her wording, I just added the rest of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
lorelairoryemily · 31/12/2016 16:52

Reality I did change it, I said had to borrow and then need, she did say she had to borrow it, so in fairness I can see your point, my mistake, I still have the texts but obviously even if I screen shot them and posted them who's to say they're hers, she said she had to borrow it and I'm pissed because it was a gift for my baby and I didn't want anyone using it before him, also she said feel free to say no but when I did she said I'd have to get her one somewhere. I think that's so rude, i would lend anything to anyone but I don't like being made to feel it's my responsibility to supply her with one because she bought me on if you see what I mean?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2016 16:54

No you are totally right lorel, she sounds much like a taker. How rude. What did you do in the end?

sj257 · 31/12/2016 16:56

I would have told her not to bother giving it back

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